2005tahoe Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 I recently met a young lady on facebook, we began talking and eventually what I thought was a serious relationship. Lets just say that I should have paid attention to the red flags. About 2 weeks after we met she had a class for her work to take about 300 miles away. We planned the trip and we stayed the whole weekend in that town and enjoyed one another. As the weeks went buy she would travel the 50 miles to see me and stay at my apartment. I offered several times to make the trip to her since she has 2 kids to load up. We had met the first few times without the kids. She would make the excuse that it was easier for her since she got off of work at 2pm to drive down and be here at 5pm when i got off, but she wouldnt ket me come to her apartment, RED FLAG #1. Fast forward to a month later. She was cramping and has missed her period, so she went to urgent care and she "said" that they told her that she was pregnant. At this time I didnt ask for proof b/c I still trusted her that she wouldnt make it up. As the weeks followed I ended up telling my family and she "told" me that she talked to her mom and stepdad and that they wasnt happy about it. About a month after that she said she starts bleeding and clotting really bad. I tell her that WE need to go to urgent care or the emergency room NOW, she declines and tells me that she just talked to her obgyn and there was nothing that they could do, I keep pressing to go and she keeps declining. A week after that she tells me that she miscarried and there was no need to go to the doctor and get proof, I demanded it but she kept declining it, RED FLAG #2. I finally have enough doubt and find her mother on facebook and ask her if she knew anything about her daughter being pregnant and having a miscarriage, she was in shock and said that she didnt know. I asked her to call me and we talked for about 2 hours and I find out alot of stuff. First, her exbf didnt move out last year like she said, her mom said he just moved out a month ago and that he stays there during the day and watches his daughter until my now ex gets home then he leaves. Second, I was referred to as her "friend" Third, she lied to her parents about the work trip she was taking. She said a girlfriend of hers was going and that she was a grown woman. Forth, How can you fake a pregnancy and get my hopes up of having a kid, that is just screwed up and put me into an emotional roller coaster. I know that karma is a b*tch and what goes around comes around. I have been NC since she emailed me thursday morning trying to justify her actions.
Els Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 Totally messed up, but why the hell would you even want to have a child with a woman you've known for all of a month???? You do realize that it ties you both together (to some extent) for life, and that you'll be supporting it for at least 18 years regardless of the outcome of the relationship, right? I'd thank my lucky stars if I were you. And maybe get an STD test. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 I hope you ignored her email and blocked her. She isn't playing with a full deck, and you would be wise to slow way down next time. Get to know someone first before deciding it's a serious relationship. You evidently didn't really know her at all. You will be grateful one day you did not have a child with this woman.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 she wouldnt ket me come to her apartment, RED FLAG #1. Actually, red flag #1 was her toting both of her kids to your house on the weekends when she barely knew you. This woman has very poor judgment. 4
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 28, 2019 Author Posted July 28, 2019 Totally messed up, but why the hell would you even want to have a child with a woman you've known for all of a month???? You do realize that it ties you both together (to some extent) for life, and that you'll be supporting it for at least 18 years regardless of the outcome of the relationship, right? I'd thank my lucky stars if I were you. And maybe get an STD test. I didn’t WANT too, I was going to accept the responsibility and be a father to it. I just can’t fathom the fact that you would lie about something that serious, I even told my mother and got her excited, which hurt me worse than the fake pregnancy when I told her that it was all fake
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 28, 2019 Author Posted July 28, 2019 I hope you ignored her email and blocked her. She isn't playing with a full deck, and you would be wise to slow way down next time. Get to know someone first before deciding it's a serious relationship. You evidently didn't really know her at all. You will be grateful one day you did not have a child with this woman. I agree and I have, I just have to heal and move on. I have a date this weekend but I don’t think I’m ready to start dating again
stillafool Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 What a horrible experience. Be glad you aren't having a baby with this psycho. Make sure that you visit women's homes from now on to make sure they are being truthful about their living conditions. Wear protection so there are no more "oops moments" until you're ready to be a father.
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 29, 2019 Author Posted July 29, 2019 What a horrible experience. Be glad you aren't having a baby with this psycho. Make sure that you visit women's homes from now on to make sure they are being truthful about their living conditions. Wear protection so there are no more "oops moments" until you're ready to be a father. Thank you, it hasnt been easy. I had a date for saturday, but I probably will not go, just not feeling it yet.
Redhead14 Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Thank you, it hasnt been easy. I had a date for saturday, but I probably will not go, just not feeling it yet. I realize this is difficult, but don't you give her one more minute of your emotional and physical time! She doesn't deserve to have that kind of power over you. This is over with right now. You probably should cancel the date because it's too soon to date. But, it's not too soon to go out with some friends or family. Get out there and have some fun. 1
Beendaredonedat Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Forth, How can you fake a pregnancy and get my hopes up of having a kid, that is just screwed up and put me into an emotional roller coaster. I'm confused. No where in your opening post do you say where it was proven that the pregnancy/miscarriage was faked. You only say that her mother knew nothing about it. How do you know for sure it was fake? ... and regardless I'd be thanking my lucky stars if I was you that she's out of your life. She doesn't even know you and she's trepsing her and her kids up to you after a few dates? She's got a few fries short of a happy meal.
Beendaredonedat Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 further added: Forth, How can you fake a pregnancy and get my hopes up of having a kid, that is just screwed up and put me into an emotional roller coaster. I'm confused. No where in your opening post do you say where it was proven that the pregnancy/miscarriage was faked. You only say that her mother knew nothing about it. How do you know for sure it was fake? Why would you have your hopes up of having a kid with a perfect stranger? I hope you have more concern than that. Having a baby with a perfect stranger could turn out to be your worse nightmare so learn the lesson this was all meant to teach you, Op. ... and regardless I'd be thanking my lucky stars if I was you that she's out of your life. She doesn't even know you and she's trepsing her and her kids up to you after a few dates? She's got a few fries short of a happy meal. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 100% agree that she should not have been bringing her children around a strange man. DYFS would frown upon that . . .
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 30, 2019 Author Posted July 30, 2019 I'm confused. No where in your opening post do you say where it was proven that the pregnancy/miscarriage was faked. You only say that her mother knew nothing about it. How do you know for sure it was fake? ... and regardless I'd be thanking my lucky stars if I was you that she's out of your life. She doesn't even know you and she's trepsing her and her kids up to you after a few dates? She's got a few fries short of a happy meal. Why wouldn’t she take a pregnancy test in front of me? Why wouldn’t we go to urgent care when she started bleeding? Why couldn’t she show me where she called her “obgyn”? Then tell me she erased her recent call history on her phone *
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 30, 2019 Author Posted July 30, 2019 I realize this is difficult, but don't you give her one more minute of your emotional and physical time! She doesn't deserve to have that kind of power over you. This is over with right now. You probably should cancel the date because it's too soon to date. But, it's not too soon to go out with some friends or family. Get out there and have some fun. I understand, just fathoms me that people can be so evil like that. But you do reap what you sew
Beendaredonedat Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 Why wouldn’t she take a pregnancy test in front of me? Why wouldn’t we go to urgent care when she started bleeding? Why couldn’t she show me where she called her “obgyn”? Then tell me she erased her recent call history on her phone * Maybe because she didn't want to. Maybe the baby wasn't yours? Maybe she just didn't want you involved in her decision making? None of your "why didn't she's" indicate that she was lying to you about, or faking a pregnancy, but; the bottom line is you have been blessed that she is out of your life. Only thing left is to learn from the experience. Going forth; always wear condoms until you've both been tested and you've know a person well enough to trust she is on birth control and don't move so fast with someone you don't even know. I'm surprised you would think her being pregnant was a good thing and I'm also wondering why, after just a short period of time you wouldn't even wonder if the baby was yours. Thank your lucky stars you're free of her and her drama.
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 30, 2019 Author Posted July 30, 2019 Maybe because she didn't want to. Maybe the baby wasn't yours? Maybe she just didn't want you involved in her decision making? None of your "why didn't she's" indicate that she was lying to you about, or faking a pregnancy, but; the bottom line is you have been blessed that she is out of your life. Only thing left is to learn from the experience. Going forth; always wear condoms until you've both been tested and you've know a person well enough to trust she is on birth control and don't move so fast with someone you don't even know. I'm surprised you would think her being pregnant was a good thing and I'm also wondering why, after just a short period of time you wouldn't even wonder if the baby was yours. Thank your lucky stars you're free of her and her drama. Well, unfortunately this day in age you have to prove yourself. Not wanting too just proves even more deceit. But look at it from my perspective, as far as I knew it was true, it was time to man up and be a father to what I thought was my kid.
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 30, 2019 Author Posted July 30, 2019 Maybe because she didn't want to. Maybe the baby wasn't yours? Maybe she just didn't want you involved in her decision making? None of your "why didn't she's" indicate that she was lying to you about, or faking a pregnancy, but; the bottom line is you have been blessed that she is out of your life. Only thing left is to learn from the experience. Going forth; always wear condoms until you've both been tested and you've know a person well enough to trust she is on birth control and don't move so fast with someone you don't even know. I'm surprised you would think her being pregnant was a good thing and I'm also wondering why, after just a short period of time you wouldn't even wonder if the baby was yours. Thank your lucky stars you're free of her and her drama. You are right, thank god she is out of my life! But I’m the one suffering from a serious lie and games that shouldn’t be played on people.
Beendaredonedat Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 (edited) If I was your mother, I would tell you to stay out of it unless she asked you to support her. I'd also tell you that you should request a paternity test be done had the baby come to term. "Stepping up" blind for someone you don't even know is not in your best interests. You weren't even to her home, for all you know of her, she's still very much involved with the father of her children and you're willing to step up like she's been in your life for years. Clearly that's getting too involved far too soon. Look after your own best interests. I hope you allow yourself to get to the stage of indifference to her and her issues sooner rather than later. Edited July 30, 2019 by Beendaredonedat
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 "Stepping up" blind for someone you don't even know is not in your best interests. Yes, precisely. You didn't know this woman, OP. I sincerely hope that had you two remained an "item" (in quotations marks because you weren't actually a couple, for all intents and purposes) you would have done your due diligence and demanded a paternity test before throwing yourself into the Daddy role. In the future, you really need to look out for yourself more and heed major red flags.
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 30, 2019 Author Posted July 30, 2019 If I was your mother, I would tell you to stay out of it unless she asked you to support her. I'd also tell you that you should request a paternity test be done had the baby come to term. "Stepping up" blind for someone you don't even know is not in your best interests. You weren't even to her home, for all you know of her, she's still very much involved with the father of her children and you're willing to step up like she's been in your life for years. Clearly that's getting too involved far too soon. Look after your own best interests. I hope you allow yourself to get to the stage of indifference to her and her issues sooner rather than later. stepping up for myself, MY kid and MY morals. I would never step up for someone that lied to me. I would coparent, only communicating about the child. But none of this matters, its not real, its all fake. I just have to deal with the remains of the storm, mentally destroyed.
Beendaredonedat Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 Then get therapy. You will need it if you are "mentally destroyed." Being disappointed I can understand, being "destroyed" I cannot but perhaps a professional therapist can commiserate with you more than I have been able to. Good luck.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 I just have to deal with the remains of the storm, mentally destroyed. This is part of your problem. You hardly knew the woman, but the way you describe this is makes it sound like it was a years-long relationship with much more history. It makes sense that are hurt by the lies. And angry. But destroyed? You put way too many eggs in that basket, and far too soon. That is where you need to do some inner work; you didn't take a healthy approach to this relationship either, and this will happen again if you don't learn to move at a more measured pace and not put the cart before the horse. 1
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