X1 anti Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 There's a student who shadowed me (I'm 30, she's 23) on Friday. She's leaving us on Wednesday (she was only with us for a week, this is my first time meeting her). We had the most intense chemistry and connection i've ever experienced with a woman. I was married and have dated multiple woman since my divorce and none of my dates were even remotely close to the connection I had with this woman. We worked together for about 8 hours and it felt like we had known each other for years. I honestly don't even remember seeing anyone else in the entire 8 hours that we worked together. We had deep conversations about life, general interests, we dug deep. She was constantly fidgety around me, walking into walls, kept apologizing when she would act or say something dumb, strong eye contact, smiling at me a lot we interacted with a lot of playful bantering. Even when we were interviewing patients and she was at the computer, she'd keep looking back at me and smiling. She said that when she first meets people she can figure them out almost immediately but she cannot figure me out and it's a first for her. She said more than once that I'm such a pure and inspiring person and I'm rare. She was constantly asking me questions about myself At one point when we were sitting down, she removed her lab coat and was exposing her legs and her arms/collar bone toward me. She was wearing a pretty revealing dress. When we were depating, we shook hands, bantered some more and she was lingering around in the breakroom and was opening and closing all of the drawers while we were talking and laughed, blushed and said that she has no idea what shes doing. I just smiled at her and told her to have a nice weekend, laughed some more and she left. One Problem: She has a boyfriend of 3 years. I'll see her on Tuesday and Wednesday but she won't be shadowing me. Should I create an opportunity to let her know that if it doesn't work out with her boyfriend, she should give me a call or just let it go?
LuckyM Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 This sounds like shameless flirting for its own sake. She likes what she sees but I don't think it wise to let her know you are available. Wait for her to do something in the event that she is breaking up with her BF. When this happened to me, it usually went nowhere and I was embarrassed. 1
JEG88 Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 (edited) Should I create an opportunity to let her know that if it doesn't work out with her boyfriend, she should give me a call or just let it go? Don't be stupid. No one likes "that guy" and besides, karma will come back to you if you become the homewrecker. And would you really want to be with this girl if she would so easily be open to jumping from her BF to you? Unless you're looking just for a hookup/casual and you've made that clear to her. But if this is for a serious relationship, if you end up together she is just all the more likely to do this to you with another guy. Edited July 28, 2019 by JEG88
preraph Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 Are you in some way responsible for her progress? Are you writing a report for her that can advance her career? If so, I wouldn't take it too seriously. She could just be mirroring what you talk about to make it seem like you have everything in common and to build rapport. It's a fairly well known method these days. She knows where you are. She has a boyfriend and she could just be one of those attractive people who are always already taken, you know. Seems to be the way it goes.
Author X1 anti Posted July 28, 2019 Author Posted July 28, 2019 Are you in some way responsible for her progress? Are you writing a report for her that can advance her career? If so, I wouldn't take it too seriously. She could just be mirroring what you talk about to make it seem like you have everything in common and to build rapport. It's a fairly well known method these days. She knows where you are. She has a boyfriend and she could just be one of those attractive people who are always already taken, you know. Seems to be the way it goes. No I’m not. All she did was shadow me for the day to see how my role Works. I don’t report to anyone about her performance/how our work day went
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 I'll see her on Tuesday and Wednesday but she won't be shadowing me. Should I create an opportunity to let her know that if it doesn't work out with her boyfriend, she should give me a call or just let it go? Let it go! Although you may only be 7 years apart in age, you are worlds apart in life. She's a student. You are the older guy at work. You should know nothing about her personal life. The fact that she communicated to you that she has a BF tells me you were already bumping up against boundaries you shouldn't cross & she shared this info with you so that you would not do anything as awkward or inappropriate as make a move. If you say to her what you are thinking about, the conversation you have thereafter will be with human resources. If you are lucky they will only send you for re-training about sexual harassment & not fire you.
spiderowl Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Why is it that when women sit down, take clothes off for comfort, or stretch their legs, men assume that they are doing it to flirt? Women have bodies they live in. They need to move to be comfortable! The fact that a woman happens to have a body does not mean she is using it to flirt with you. She might be flirting in other ways, but beware of misinterpreting normal bodily movements as something else.
smackie9 Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 So what, she was smitten...probably hasn't felt like that in years...doesn't mean a relationship prospect. She had her fun with the interaction, made her feel good, and she's just going to move on with her life. She's not stupid, she knows you want to get with her. This is just a crush that she isn't going to act on. If she did, she would have made herself available, ask to meetup and not mention a BF, etc. That's why they mention BF...to set a boundary that this isn't going any further than this flirtation. Now if she is THAT interested, she knows where to find you if that day ever comes.
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