My Last Serenade.....

[jester2trife]

My girl and I of about 2 years broke up about a month ago. Im 25 and shes 20. Which makes me wonder why its so hard for me to get over it. You can tell that she is young nad needs to grow as a person. She says she needs to see other people because shes only had one other serious BF besides me, and I completely understand that. It suprisingly didnt hurt me when she said that she started seeing someone last week. She needs to see what its like not having me there in her life. She of course repeatedly said it wasnt like it was her BF, just were seeing other a couple of times. Lets face it, hes a bo and Im a man. The poor kid doesnt even know whats coming. Rebound style is going to steam roll through him. Certain things are bothering me about this whole situation. She is going through some serious sh#t with her home life. She is about to drop out of school, this is for sure. If that happens, her mother will make her pay rent, which isnt going to fly with her. One, she wont pay rent to her mother to follow rules. Secondly, she isnt the full time job type. The girl got her car taken away for not pulling her weight in school, shes doesnt have job, shes got no ambition...Why the Hell do I constantly think about her? I know her life is going downhill. But the thing that concerns me is: What happens when she hits rock bottom and has no one to turn to? Her friends arent real friends, her parents have all but given up on her, she'll realize that I am the only person who is truly there for her. That is where a dilemma will arise. Im not some safety net to catch those who cant hack it. I do home loans and make more money than most, and she knows it. Theres no way that I can just take her back if and when she decides that Im the only one who is there for her. It will be a tough situation to say the least. We fit so good, that I could definitely see myself spending forever with her. But apparently, she doesnt feel the same, I think. She just needs to see whats out there, but if she realizes that theres nothing out there that could compare to me, then what? We spoke about the fact that neither of us really think that its completely over, which sucks. I havent called her in weeks. I havent been answering her calls, but she called from a private number and I slipped up and answered it. Shes heard that I was partying hard (too hard) and seeing someone else, and she kept asking who it was. Why does she want to know? I have no idea. Its a tough situation to be in. I dont know if I miss her, or miss someone in general. I have always had a girl, always. I feel that I am co-dependant and starting last week, I am going to therapy to see if I can correct that. I want to happy on my own, so then when someone comes along, I will truly be happier than I have ever been. I still hold on to a sliver of hope that we will be happy once again, but I cant hang my hat on it. When she called the other day, she told me that her home life was miserable and shes super depressed, but we didnt discuss us. The reason she really called was to say thank you for the birthday card and flowers I sent to her without her knowledge. She sais no one else gave her anything, not even parents. That sucks man. I wish her the best, but I only wish it was me who could give it to her. Im lonely man, bottom line. And I want it to go away....

[loveisallaround]

It's as simple as it is complicated: You've got to let go.

 

You have to proceed with your life as you will never be together again. Don't give yourself any "What If" scenarios. Don't make up excuses to call her - and almost every reason is an excuse. You don't have to show animosity towards her or block communications on all fronts, but you do have to move on to bigger and brighter things. Which, without doubt, are waiting for you.

 

I've been down this route, I know it's hard. It takes a near super human willpower to suck it up and move on, especially when the chemistry was fantastic.

 

In the end, if you two are right for eachother, then nothing can ultimately stop you two from being together. As for now, live with the notion that it's over and done with. If you don't, denial and hope with slow down your healing process exceptionally.

[bendit]

I am glad that you are in therapy for your

co-dependency. I think this relationship is about

you trying to be the rescuer for this troubled

woman. Be aware that you are still vulnerable

to her neediness. Focus on you and why you are

attracted to her and women like her. If you stay in

contact, she may be on your doorstep one day with

big problems expecting you to be there with your

net. But you deserve more. There are plenty of

women out there who don't want or require rescuing. These are

the women who can reciprocate in a relationship and are able

to give and receive love. Focus on attracting them into your life and that will mean doing the work to understand YOURSELF. Break away and work on healing your own pain, which is still there, judging from your use of alcohol. All the best to you.

 

regards

 

Mike

[jester2trife]

My roommate, a friend of my ex's was just taken to rehab for a year. My ex heard about it and called me to see what happened. After about 5 minutes on talking about that, we just started talking about our lives and where theyre at. She was telling me about how unhappy she is with her home life and how things are progressively getting worse. She says school is not for her. She's going, but not doing any of her work. Basically, shes going to drop out and by December, sh#t will hit the fan. She knows she is gonna get tossed outta her house and then, things are gonna be real bad for her. At the same time, I was giving off the impression that my life was never better. I am making more money than Ive ever made in my life, which is true. But I made sure to let her know that things were going great. She was asking me about me seeing other people, I told her nothing serious. She was kinda disturbed that I was doing so good, but at the same time she said she was happy for me. I know she is, but at the same time it probably stings her a little that Im doing so good. She knows that bad times are coming, so at least shes not blind to it. I told her that my mom asked about her and if she'd ever see her again. I told her probably, but not anytime soon. I said I told my mom that although I still loved her, I wasnt in love with her anymore (whats good for the goose right?). I told her before we got off the phone that things would get better for her, she says its never gotten better, ever. I told her that regardless of how we are, I would never let her live on the streets or flop from house to house. She said, "You say that now, but we'll see when the time comes". No car, no job, no future, but I still care about her. Talk about love being blind. I told her that I wouldnt be there just as a safety net, she says she would never expect that from me or would call me because I was the only one thats there. I think she knows in her heart that no one will be there like me. She appreciates it. She is slowly, but surely finding out that the grass isnt always greener on the other side. Again, I wont go back to being with her unless its right. Even though I love her. But when the chips are down, you find out who's your true people.

[loveisallaround]

I admire you for being there for her. Compassion towards others - especially when they've done us wrong - is an important quality to have. Just make sure it's genuine and not coming from a place of wanting to win her back. If you have a hidden agenda, you are doing yourself a great injustice.