Sm12345 Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 (edited) I, 37M went for gelato with a 33F I met off Bumble and there was immediate attraction and good conversation. After gelato, we went for a walk to a local brew pub and had a beer where we laughed and had even more good conversation. Both from the same hometown, so there was lots to talk about. I was a bit nervous, but think overall the date went well. She had plans later tonight with a female friend, so I walked her to her car, gave her a hug/kiss on the cheek and said I’d definitely like to see her again, and that I’d message her when I got home (fully intending to do so). About a half an hour later she sent this message through the Bumble app: “Thanks for a lovely afternoon interlude; despite the sticky fingers! Let's catch up again sometime. Next week is busy, but maybe the weekend? You passed the 'creep test' and seem like a genuinely nice guy so you're worth seeing again - slightly less nervously, perhaps? Fair warning: date 2 is for big compatibility/triage questions, lol. I suspect I may be a little more intense than you are looking for but, I'm determined to find out ” She has a bit on her profile saying her mom thinks all guys on the internet are creeps, hence the ‘creep test’ comment. I replied back with this: “Were you nervous? I couldn’t tell.. It was a really nice date, and the weekend sounds wonderful. My week is pretty packed too. Do you like Thai? I know a great place on X.” Question here, how’d I do? Seems pretty good. No idea what triage questions are though. Haven’t had many good dates lately, wondering what I can do to be less nervous. Also, not sure why she’d think she’s too intense for me. That surprised me a little.. Edited July 28, 2019 by Sm12345
Versacehottie Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 It sounds like you did fine. I think by triage, she means rapid fire & perhaps a deluge to see if your compatible to take it further. She probably has either some dating process that she made up arbitrarily or is following, like ask a ton of questions on the second date....or she really is intense. Well I think she's pretty intense anyway but it doesn't matter if you like her. I think just admitting you were nervous should take the nervous edge off. Good luck!
Lotsgoingon Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 Forget about being nervous ... people are generally nervous on dates ... and the other person usually just screens this out ... our nervous systems don't really see "nervousness" (whatever that means) as a problem--assuming you are basically coherent. You've taken some good first steps ... Check in with her later in the week but leave her alone. I would say keep going on Bumble. Sounds like this woman thinks you're a good person but isn't so convinced you're her type. If and when you have the followup, just answer the questions honestly ... and of course, you have the right to not answer questions you don't like. Just show up. So follow up with her later in the week ... but other than that, leave her alone ... And you can drop this fear of nervousness ruining things. Nervousness is just a sign that you took the date seriously. Performers of all types (read any interview with a standup comedian) get nervous ... they just don't let nervousness phase them ... because they know it's a reflex. 1
Inspire Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 No offense, but it sounds like she's the one calling the shots right now. Maybe that's why she thinks she might be a little too intense for you? 1
Author Sm12345 Posted July 28, 2019 Author Posted July 28, 2019 (edited) No offense, but it sounds like she's the one calling the shots right now. Maybe that's why she thinks she might be a little too intense for you? Well, you’d be wrong on that account. I was the one who asked her out for Saturday, and the one who confirmed potential of a second date before the first one ended. I also suggested a second date idea when she confirmed which days she was free. I’ve been accused of being a little intense on first dates too, and it can be exhausting for the other person (and for me, to be honest), so for this one I was a bit more subdued. And just because she’s more outgoing, it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re incompatible. If anything, I think my nervousness prevented me from being completely open and outgoing, which can often come across as being shy. When I’m actually just trying not to do something embarrassing like spill beer all over myself. Edited July 28, 2019 by Sm12345
schlumpy Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 What is it you see in this woman? Most people are nervous on dates because when the future BF/GF walks in the room their body starts to quiver and they feel faint. You seem more worried that she will bring a clipboard with a questionnaire on it. What do you like about her? How does she make you feel. Was she hands off or did she briefly touch your arm or hands? When you were talking was it like there was no one else in the room? Triage? Where the heck is the romance? Best Wishes
Author Sm12345 Posted July 28, 2019 Author Posted July 28, 2019 (edited) What is it you see in this woman? Most people are nervous on dates because when the future BF/GF walks in the room their body starts to quiver and they feel faint. You seem more worried that she will bring a clipboard with a questionnaire on it. What do you like about her? How does she make you feel. Was she hands off or did she briefly touch your arm or hands? When you were talking was it like there was no one else in the room? Triage? Where the heck is the romance? Best Wishes She’s very attractive, definitely my type physically. I like that she’s a teacher, and genuinely enjoys kids. I like that we’re both from the same smaller town, and escaped that life for something more. I like that she’s traveled, taught in a foreign country and that she wore a pair of converse shoes with a dress. She has a quirky sense of humour and I can see myself opening up to her completely once I become fully comfortable. I’m not sure what to expect. I have no idea what she means by dating triage or a deluge of questions. But I like that she has values, she likes planning and structure. She wants kids and a family, which are things I’m ready for. I like that her parents are still together, and that she’s close with her siblings. We touched each other occasionally, but I’m not big on physical touch on a first date. I’ve read signals wrong, and it’s been disastrous. Conversation was really good. No awkward silences. We agree on a lot of things, and the things we don’t, we were able to laugh about. There’s genuine potential here, and at the end of the date I was excited to see her again. Edited July 28, 2019 by Sm12345
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 No idea what triage questions are though. She's planning on grilling you with some of her "must-haves" to determine/evaluate if you're compatible for a relationship. To determine where you go from here....another date or back to the waiting room.
schlumpy Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 She’s very attractive, definitely my type physically. I like that she’s a teacher, and genuinely enjoys kids. I like that we’re both from the same smaller town, and escaped that life for something more. I like that she’s traveled, taught in a foreign country and that she wore a pair of converse shoes with a dress. She has a quirky sense of humour and I can see myself opening up to her completely once I become fully comfortable. I’m not sure what to expect. I have no idea what she means by dating triage or a deluge of questions. Excellent answer. I think her deluge of questions is a humorous play on her being a teacher and if so I would agree that her sense of humor is a bit quirky. It does sound promising. best wishes
Author Sm12345 Posted July 28, 2019 Author Posted July 28, 2019 She told me a story about a girl in her class who is a Star Trek fan, and other kids made fun of her for trying to teach the class Klingon. So she used some Klingon the girl had taught her, in her report card. It was a silly story, but it showed me she genuinely cares about the kids she’s teaching. I remember having teachers like that in school, and those moments stuck with me through high school and into my adult life.
Versacehottie Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 She’s very attractive, definitely my type physically. I like that she’s a teacher, and genuinely enjoys kids. I like that we’re both from the same smaller town, and escaped that life for something more. I like that she’s traveled, taught in a foreign country and that she wore a pair of converse shoes with a dress. She has a quirky sense of humour and I can see myself opening up to her completely once I become fully comfortable. I’m not sure what to expect. I have no idea what she means by dating triage or a deluge of questions. But I like that she has values, she likes planning and structure. She wants kids and a family, which are things I’m ready for. I like that her parents are still together, and that she’s close with her siblings. We touched each other occasionally, but I’m not big on physical touch on a first date. I’ve read signals wrong, and it’s been disastrous. Conversation was really good. No awkward silences. We agree on a lot of things, and the things we don’t, we were able to laugh about. There’s genuine potential here, and at the end of the date I was excited to see her again. Bolded is what I expect/expected....Those two items are connected. She is a planner and type-A-ish. She wants a family and doesn't want to waste her time. She sounds like she is laser focused on: boyfriend, husband/marriage, kids/family, which is why the need for a bunch of questions on date 2 that's she has announced and put on the day's agenda. She said it in a half-joking manner and coupled with hoping you could deal with her intensity. Uh, but she is not joking. That's only a throwaway to see if it scares you off, a challenge of sorts. By continuing and not backing off due to both of those statements, she now has you "permission" to be those things and you have almost "signed-off" on things. It's way intense for my taste--but a decent amount of guys like it. If you are not scared away and like her in spite of it, why not? She sounds like a ball buster to be honest. I hope you will refer back to this post when you are married and wishing that you had some say in things. LOL, I hope I'm wrong but I do see a pattern with this personality type. Mark my words. Good luck
Author Sm12345 Posted July 28, 2019 Author Posted July 28, 2019 (edited) Bolded is what I expect/expected....Those two items are connected. She is a planner and type-A-ish. She wants a family and doesn't want to waste her time. She sounds like she is laser focused on: boyfriend, husband/marriage, kids/family, which is why the need for a bunch of questions on date 2 that's she has announced and put on the day's agenda. She said it in a half-joking manner and coupled with hoping you could deal with her intensity. Uh, but she is not joking. That's only a throwaway to see if it scares you off, a challenge of sorts. By continuing and not backing off due to both of those statements, she now has you "permission" to be those things and you have almost "signed-off" on things. It's way intense for my taste--but a decent amount of guys like it. If you are not scared away and like her in spite of it, why not? She sounds like a ball buster to be honest. I hope you will refer back to this post when you are married and wishing that you had some say in things. LOL, I hope I'm wrong but I do see a pattern with this personality type. Mark my words. Good luck This seems most likely, and while I agree it’s a bit rigid and not very romantic, maybe she’s had a lot of guys waste her time and not really interested in those things, so she now has priorities. I’m 38 in a couple weeks, and gave myself a few years to get married and have kids, so in a way, I’m very similar. I don’t want to date just for the physical side of things anymore. Edited July 28, 2019 by Sm12345 1
Inspire Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 Well, you’d be wrong on that account. I was the one who asked her out for Saturday, and the one who confirmed potential of a second date before the first one ended. I also suggested a second date idea when she confirmed which days she was free. That's not what I meant. Even a beta asks people out. Your response was a bit weak to her text I thought. She obviously didn't think you were very intense. You're chasing her, you're answering her questions on the next date. Get where I am going with this.
Author Sm12345 Posted July 28, 2019 Author Posted July 28, 2019 (edited) That's not what I meant. Even a beta asks people out. Your response was a bit weak to her text I thought. She obviously didn't think you were very intense. You're chasing her, you're answering her questions on the next date. Get where I am going with this. I don’t think it was weak, at all. She mentioned that I seemed nervous, and I playfully turned it around. I think it’s easy to be a keyboard warrior, calling people you don’t know betas. Not sure that’s really helpful though. Edited July 28, 2019 by Sm12345
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