LauraXX Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Not really. What I have done is that I've stopped replying to people before I even met them. Sometimes you match with somebody on Tinder, start chatting and they turn out to be rude or innappropriate or just extremely boring. In that case it's easier to just let it go and un-match them instead of sending them long explanations. But I don't think it's ghosting when you haven't even met yet. As soon as I've been on a date with somebody, I would at least text them something like "I don't think we're compatible. All the best!" I've been ghosted once myself and it just hurts. Makes you feel like you're not even worth two seconds of their time to text you a short message.
toomanyquestions123 Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 I do if we never met or we met once and it was obvious we re not a match. A guy i know from Twitter was so excited to take me on a date, we were chatting briefly and after a while I gave him my number. One day before the date, i started asking some personal questions, it turned out to be he lives with his parents at 35 to financially provide them because his mother is ill, lives with his sister in the same room ( his sister is 34), he pays the rental and everything, told me he dislikes his sister because she is conservative and doesn't date except if its for marriage. So i immediately realized that i dont think this guy is ready for a serious relationship and just stopped responding. He kept talking to me on whatsapp and sending me long voice notes while me ignoring, he suddenly flipped on me, and started throwing tantrums that it is so rude that i am not replying and that girls always do that to him. Paragraphs of him describing how sad and mad of what i have done. So i politely answered that he is right that i should have not ghosted him this way and i should have said smth but i dont think we should go on a date for bla bla bla reasons but what he said next was why i made sure i made the right decision of not going on a date with him, he told me "Everyone left me when i am in need, my bestfriend, most of my friends, and now YOU". HEHE
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 No but I have stopped responding or initiating conversation if I wasn't interested after 1-2 dates. Even then, if they asked me out again, I always replied that I was no longer interested. From there, if a guy kept texting and tried to changed my mind, I have blocked quite a few.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Sure it sucks, but really..... Does it make you feel better about it to hear the same old bullcrap "its not you, its me"? or better yet, maybe the person rather than ghosting on you, decided to lead you on a road to nowhere, because they were bored or just kept you on the hook to be used for sex??..until it reached the point where you finally opened your eyes to it and left on your own??.Or maybe tell you something horribly derogatory about you, like you have no class, are too fat, are a terrible lay, or you smell?? I get the reasons why people feel its rude and inconsiderate, but the reality is that most people wont tell you the truth about why they dump you or don't wish to be in a relationship with you, and the other aspect is that some people create a mountain of drama that many people would rather not deal with.. And the end result is the same, anyway... TFY The end result is not the same because when someone just stops contacting you, you spend about a week wondering if they are too busy, if you are jumping to conclusions. I don't need any reason on why someone no longer wants to see me, even "not interested" would do. Just so I don't waste a week or so of mental space. And I never got breaks-ups in person as being kind. I would rather get the message clearly communicated in the shortest way possible preferably over text or email. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 The end result is not the same because when someone just stops contacting you, you spend about a week wondering if they are too busy, if you are jumping to conclusions. I don't need any reason on why someone no longer wants to see me, even "not interested" would do. Just so I don't waste a week or so of mental space. And I never got breaks-ups in person as being kind. I would rather get the message clearly communicated in the shortest way possible preferably over text or email. You broke up....Yes....The END RESULT is the same.... Whether its by text, smoke signals, no contact, a long winded bunch of crap, a sob story, whatever..... In most cases, things don't go from wonderful bliss to zero contact...More often than not, these things start a fade then to nothing....Like I said previously it really doesn't matter much anyway....Id think most people would rather be completely ignored than outright lied to(which is what most people do)…..Even the "not compatible" is just so vague that its little better than nothing anyway... I get why you and the others get bugged by it, and I am not even saying that I advocate the practice....Its more like I couldn't care less either way, because its all the same in the end....Its over ….Period.. TFY
PRW Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Have never ghosted. Have never blocked (except Robo-calls). I might have ignored an isolated phone call or text on rare occasion, but that is not ghosting. 1
beentheredonethat77 Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Never ghosted... but definitely guilty of the slow fade (though mostly when i was younger.. now i just get it out of the way or it causes me anxious guilt). Have never been ghosted either, but ive just started OLD .. so the night is young!
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Before exclusivity? Yes. I don’t bother giving an explanation to men who are flakey, who have stood me up, and who are extremely rude or disrespectful. Guys who show effort and were respectful that I been on a date with I kindly let them know I am not interested. Guys who never gotten further than a message I just don’t respond if I’m not interested. Sorry but I am not going to send back a message to every guy I didn’t get off the ground with. After exclusivity? No. I make sure there is a confirmed breakup notice. I've ghosted a few men in my day but all were very early on be it just chatting and/or dating (maybe one or two dates in) and there was always a "good" reason why I chose to just up and disappear. For men where I've established / invested more time and energy, I will always do my due diligence and let them know it's not working for whatever reason. More often then not, I've been guilty of the slow fade. I've been on the receiving end of some of these scenarios and as much as ghosting and slow fades aren't fun or ideal, it's just part of the online dating culture these days. Such is life. Need to have a bit of thick skin if you're going to survive OLD. 2
Swingen Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 I haven't ghosted but have been guilty of the slow fade with a friend. It isn't nice and I did feel bad about it for a considerable time afterward. Part of the reason, I think, is to give one time to think about a relationship without it being too heavy. It does seem a bit heavy to say "I don't think this is working give me space.." to a friend. I think the slow fade gave me time to think about things... also to 'hint' that the friendship was too heavy with to much contact. The long upshot is that, the friendship never rebooted and I'm not unhappy about that. Not sure if this post belongs in this thread or not.
kendahke Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 I haven't ghosted but have been guilty of the slow fade with a friend. It isn't nice and I did feel bad about it for a considerable time afterward. Part of the reason, I think, is to give one time to think about a relationship without it being too heavy. It does seem a bit heavy to say "I don't think this is working give me space.." to a friend. I think the slow fade gave me time to think about things... also to 'hint' that the friendship was too heavy with to much contact. The long upshot is that, the friendship never rebooted and I'm not unhappy about that. Not sure if this post belongs in this thread or not. It does. Welcome to Love Shack!
OatsAndHall Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Twice, after -really- bad first dates. One woman showed up stoned, drank way too much for a first date and I wanted nothing to do with her. The other woman brought up the fact that I was divorced and basically chastised me for it ("People just don't respect the sanctity of marriage anymore."). I figured it was better just to disappear versus tell them that I had an awful time. I've been ghosted plenty of times and, although it is rude, I really prefer it over getting some placating message about why we don't click. One woman told me that I wouldn't like dating her because she was a "rough woman". And, I don't like the slow fade. If someone isn't interested, I much rather have them cut me off completely. Inevitably, I end up cutting off contact with them anyway as I realize that their interest has waned. 1
beentheredonethat77 Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 (edited) ] And, I don't like the slow fade. If someone isn't interested, I much rather have them cut me off completely. Inevitably, I end up cutting off contact with them anyway as I realize that their interest has waned. I agree.. though i think thats sort of the silent hope of the slow fader that the other person will 'get the hint' and break it off/pull away themselves.. -- Its not cool but i guess they're all pretty bad options.. all just different flavors of perceived rejection. Ive received the placating message.. the "ahh sweetie.. im just not emotionally available for anything more than just physical right now.." -- was pretty humiliating as hed previously mentioned looking to settle down --- I agree with those who say they'd rather be ghosted or slow faded than hear that malarkey. Of course, there is the fourth option -- the cold hard truth without any filters. .. "would love to keep having sex with you but in the light of day i think i can do hotter in terms of a wife, im just a little bit out of your league in the marriage dept.. shag department fine but, as you're pushing 40 and i make good money and am not balding.. so i know i should be able to get someone 15 years younger.. hotter and without those annoying moles like you have on your back.. . so... sorry... "--- ha! Give me a ghost over that dose of truth any day. Edited July 29, 2019 by beentheredonethat77 1
chillii Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 Back in my 20s before the term ghosting was ever thought of like so many others these days, l did a ghosting of about as low as it gets. l was pretty ruthless in my younger day not the lovable pussy cat you see before you now haha. lt was so low that l can't even type it l'm still ashamed so you'll just have to imagine the worst
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 I have been guilty of ending friendships by having a fight, usually about something minor and then pretending that I was so pissed off that I never wanted to speak to them again. That's only because it is not possible to really "end" friendships.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 I've been ghosted plenty of times and, although it is rude, I really prefer it over getting some placating message about why we don't click. One woman told me that I wouldn't like dating her because she was a "rough woman". And, I don't like the slow fade. If someone isn't interested, I much rather have them cut me off completely. Inevitably, I end up cutting off contact with them anyway as I realize that their interest has waned. you and me both oats. I think the slow fade is much much worse.
Shining One Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 I've never ghosted, but I'm reconsidering it based on some of the posts in this thread. I hadn't considered that some people actually prefer to be ghosted in certain scenarios. A question for the "it's okay to ghost me" people, what would be your preference in this situation: You've been on 3 to 5 dates with someone and had sex. Do you want to be ghosted, slow faded, be told it's over, or something else? 1
smackie9 Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 Never ghosted but in my teenage years I did give them the runaround til they gave up.
Saracena Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 Back in my 20s before the term ghosting was ever thought of like so many others these days, l did a ghosting of about as low as it gets. No, no......you simply have to tell us now! Ghosting has always gone on acc my Mum and some of her friends, one of whom got ghosted after 5 years!! Never saw or heard from him again, although both lived in the same small town! A few years later she heard he'd moved and had married someone else.
Tamfana Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 you can't handle the truth Just remember, it was the psycho who said that. People could handle the truth and did. But the psycho tried to justify his wrongdoing by blame-shifting. Like a psycho. This particular type of psycho is the "attack chicken." 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 A question for the "it's okay to ghost me" people, what would be your preference in this situation: You've been on 3 to 5 dates with someone and had sex. Do you want to be ghosted, slow faded, be told it's over, or something else? if you havent asked for exclusivity and your not feeling me then please immediately just poof and begone. if you have asked me to be exclusive and I agree and you changed your mind then please immediately send me a quick text "lets breakup". make it clear and very short. two words. no need for an explanation. no worries I will not chase nor ask why. 1
alphamale Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 Just remember, it was the psycho who said that. People could handle the truth and did. But the psycho tried to justify his wrongdoing by blame-shifting. Like a psycho. This particular type of psycho is the "attack chicken."
OatsAndHall Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 I've been ghosted once after things became sexual; we slept together three dates in. That bothered me but I only have myself to blame; things moved way too fast and I knew better. It served as a stark reminder to keep my pants on until I get to know someone. 2
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 you can't handle the truth When I read this it I could hear Jack Nicholson saying it
GrateHelx Posted August 2, 2019 Posted August 2, 2019 Yeah my recent ex i did it because she embarrassed me
Saracena Posted August 2, 2019 Posted August 2, 2019 Yeah my recent ex i did it because she embarrassed me How exactly?
Recommended Posts