crazyguy123 Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Hey just curious. I got ghosted recently so I'm just curious to see if there is anyone out there who ghosted anyone else? Like why?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 I have never done that. Probably never would.
JEG88 Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Not ghosted per se, but I recently left a few women "on read" for about a week before messaging them that I wasn't feeling it and was moving on. I had been meeting up other women I was more interested in. I make it a point to always close the loop instead of just not responding and going silent. I hate that feeling when it happens to me, so I don't do it to others.
alphamale Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Hey just curious. I got ghosted recently so I'm just curious to see if there is anyone out there who ghosted anyone else? I've had relationships with 40-50 women over the past 30 years. I ghosted probably half of them when I wanted out of the relationship. Like why? that's the way I operate....pull the bandage off quickly
Cersei Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 I've had relationships with 40-50 women over the past 30 years. I ghosted probably half of them when I wanted out of the relationship. that's the way I operate....pull the bandage off quickly But you are not pulling off the bandage at all. You are leaving them hanging, wondering wtf. Ripping off the bandage would be telling them "sorry, not interested." Never will I ever ghost someone. It's too rude. I face up to them even if by phone and let them know i am not interested. Atleast they know where they stand. 5
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 I that's the way I operate....pull the bandage off quickly That is not at all pulling the bandage off quickly and you know it. Maybe for you, but definitely not for them. It's just cowardly and rude. 9
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 Before exclusivity? Yes. I don’t bother giving an explanation to men who are flakey, who have stood me up, and who are extremely rude or disrespectful. Guys who show effort and were respectful that I been on a date with I kindly let them know I am not interested. Guys who never gotten further than a message I just don’t respond if I’m not interested. Sorry but I am not going to send back a message to every guy I didn’t get off the ground with. After exclusivity? No. I make sure there is a confirmed breakup notice. And honestly I prefer a guy who is not interested in me to just poof and begone. I don’t need or want anyone telling me that they don’t think highly of me and why. Just go away. I can take the hint quite well and don’t put a lot of “give a damn” towards men that is not my boyfriend. So I don’t mind getting ghosted if it’s before exclusivity. I do mind after. Please let me know it’s over. Don’t have me thinking for a second I have a boyfriend when I don’t. That hasn’t happened to me yet but I definitely would be very hurt and pissed if it did. 3
kendahke Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 Hey just curious. I got ghosted recently so I'm just curious to see if there is anyone out there who ghosted anyone else? Nope. I'm not afraid to tell someone I'm not going on the ride with them. Like why? I don't trip off of ghosting when it's someone I barely know. It's a waste of time, emotion and cortisol. That's just the way of things now--people who don't feel they have any kind of skin in the game act like they don't have any skin in the game; and at the start of something, I'm not going get my panties all in a twist over someone I used to didn't know a few weeks prior. Having said that, I would have a problem if we'd been seeing each other and integrating one another in each other's lives for over 6 months and they vaporize. That's never happened to me, but I've read about it happening to others. 1
Mrin Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 Once. OLD match. We had gone out on 3 dates. Only kissed. No real chemistry. I just never asked for a fourth.
Gretchen12 Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 Once. OLD match. We had gone out on 3 dates. Only kissed. No real chemistry. I just never asked for a fourth. That's not ghosting. Ghosting is when the other person tries to contact you but you don't answer the phone, don't text back, don't reply to voice mail or just blocked. 1
alphamale Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 That is not at all pulling the bandage off quickly and you know it. Maybe for you, but definitely not for them. It's just cowardly and rude. you are right, I am just a coward when the dust settles
Gretchen12 Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 No I have never ghosted anyone. I have been ghosted only once but the guy had mental illness. He told me he was a recovery alcoholic with depression, and my guess is he had personality disorder as well (I think Borderline). If you think about it, ghosting is an antisocial behavior. The person either has no empathy or guilt (narcissistic) or simply cannot bring himself to face an uncomfortable scenario. Sometimes people with depression can't even get out of bed in the morning. You are upset because someone has just done something socially unacceptable. It is understandable to be offended, because society has norms. But it is about their problems, not about you. 1
JEG88 Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 If you think about it, ghosting is an antisocial behavior. The person either has no empathy or guilt (narcissistic) or simply cannot bring himself to face an uncomfortable scenario. Sometimes people with depression can't even get out of bed in the morning. I feel like when it's OLD, you can't necessarily apply in-person social norms for the simple fact that it's not face-to-face. It's a different medium of interaction altogether and doesn't have the same nonverbal, emotional cues or immediate feedback as in-person would. Not excusing ghosting at all, just saying I wouldn't apply in-person social expectations to online interactions if that's where it stays. Obviously a different story if you meet someone for a date or two.
divegrl Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 So sorry this happened to you my friend. Just know that is has everything to do with them and not you. Some reasons for ghosting are them being a conflict avoidant or having low self worth. Have a beautiful day! 2
Gretchen12 Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 I feel like when it's OLD, you can't necessarily apply in-person social norms for the simple fact that it's not face-to-face. Obviously a different story if you meet someone for a date or two. I agree with you about OLD. But the sad part is that often it's NOT different even after a date or two. The person is dehumanized to start because you got him/her through a machine (app/computer), like getting a soda from a vending machine. And you know there's more where that came from. So just toss and get another one. Gives new meaning to "next!" Also there are a disproportionate number of people with personality disorders doing OLD. That's because they keep failing and they keep having to go back on there for new "victims". They're not matching up and moving on, they stay, that's why they're more of them on there. And they like this medium because they can live a fantasy through their profiles as if reality is just a rumor. Any sign of problems just hit delete. None of this is mentally healthy behavior.
thefooloftheyear Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 (edited) Sure it sucks, but really..... Does it make you feel better about it to hear the same old bullcrap "its not you, its me"? or better yet, maybe the person rather than ghosting on you, decided to lead you on a road to nowhere, because they were bored or just kept you on the hook to be used for sex??..until it reached the point where you finally opened your eyes to it and left on your own??.Or maybe tell you something horribly derogatory about you, like you have no class, are too fat, are a terrible lay, or you smell?? I get the reasons why people feel its rude and inconsiderate, but the reality is that most people wont tell you the truth about why they dump you or don't wish to be in a relationship with you, and the other aspect is that some people create a mountain of drama that many people would rather not deal with.. And the end result is the same, anyway... TFY Edited July 28, 2019 by thefooloftheyear 3
Cersei Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 It's not the same. You are left wondering what you did. You have no clue. If you are told you are fat, you stink, etc. then you can move on because you see what rude a-hole you were dating. Plus you can check you scent. I have been ghosted out of the blue and didn't know if he died, found some else, thought I was too fat, everything went through my head. If he would have said sorry I don't think this will work or you are too fat at least I could have gotten mad and moved on. For weeks I wondered wtf and thought he was a pussy. 2
The Outlaw Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 No. I've been on the receiving end of it. It was for the best in the long run, but I let my guard down and let her get my hopes up when I had a gut feeling that it wouldn't work in the first place. I had the displeasure of running into her two years later and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights and couldn't utter a single word. She got married one month after that. Luckily, I haven't seen her since.
alphamale Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 ghosting someone is not easy, it takes planning and execution and ruthless determination. 2
Twizzlestick Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 I’m going to own my “sxxxt” and raise my hand and say yes I have. When I was a young man, much younger. Not that it was an excuse. I dated a girl I knew since childhood. I knew she was head over heels and had always had a crush on me. I didn’t feel it. I just stopped contacting her after 3 dates. On the third date she came over to where I was staying on the train to see me. It was after that. She never reached out. Some say this isn’t ghosting as she never reached out but I’m not letting myself off the hook that easily, as knew and could tell how she felt and she was so shy and not likely to chase. It was ghosting. I knew I hurt her. I’ve vowed not to ghost someone again. I still get a lump in my throat thinking about that memory from 16 years ago. I can’t stand causing people hurt.
The Outlaw Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 I’m going to own my “sxxxt” and raise my hand and say yes I have. When I was a young man, much younger. Not that it was an excuse. I dated a girl I knew since childhood. I knew she was head over heels and had always had a crush on me. I didn’t feel it. I just stopped contacting her after 3 dates. On the third date she came over to where I was staying on the train to see me. It was after that. She never reached out. Some say this isn’t ghosting as she never reached out but I’m not letting myself off the hook that easily, as knew and could tell how she felt and she was so shy and not likely to chase. It was ghosting. I knew I hurt her. I’ve vowed not to ghost someone again. I still get a lump in my throat thinking about that memory from 16 years ago. I can’t stand causing people hurt. You're a better person than I am. I don't feel I could hurt someone either, but I strongly considered ghosting my ex because as I said, I knew it wasn't going to work, but at the time, I didn't want to cause her any pain but she put me through hell. I don't know if I'd hold the same principles as before if that happened today.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 Thefool said it best. Spare me your speech if we are not exclusive
Tamfana Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 No, I've never ghosted anyone and I wouldn't. I don't give speeches either, just say something like, you're a good guy but we're not a match, best wishes. It's easy.
max3732 Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Never! It just seems incredible rude and mean to do to someone. When I meet someone I'm not interested in romantically I let them know in a kind way. I've been ghosted before and its a horrible feeling. I'd much rather have someone tell me the truth
alphamale Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 I'd much rather have someone tell me the truth you can't handle the truth
Recommended Posts