first love is back

[hope18]

I dated my first love for only about six months my junior year of high school. We broke up when he went off to college (he was a year ahead of me) and couldn't handle the distance. He started dating a "rebound" about two weeks later and their relationship ended up lasting for about a year and a half.

 

Anyways, he was the most amazing guy. Literally treated me like an absolute queen. He was truly my best friend and we were head over heels for each other. Our relationship was healthy, we weren't dependent on each other for happiness, we complimented each other and enhanced each other's lives. I was truly the happiest I have ever been, he was like my other half and our connection was indescribable despite only being together for 6 months. I was absolutely devastated when we broke up, to be honest I never really got over it. His new gf knew he wasn't over me as well and she stalked all of my social media, making fake accounts to keep tabs on me for at least a year after they started dating (he recently told me this). Anyways, long story short we did not speak for two years.

 

Back in April, he popped up in my suggested people to follow on instagram. I noticed in his bio that he had transferred to a new college, one that was coincidentally 10 minutes from mine. I followed him and saw he had deleted all pics with the gf. Anyways, a few days later he reached out and messaged me and we've been talking all day every day ever since. Nothing too flirty, but we both know the feelings are still there. We are very open and honest with each other and communicate everything. We've hung out a couple of times and it honestly just feels like nothing has changed.

 

So, the tricky thing is that we are both coming out of extremely toxic longer term relationships. I was with a guy off and on for about a year until I finally broke things off. He treated me horribly and was far too immature for a relationship, but I was determined to make things work despite emotional abuse and constant fighting. Honestly since I left him I have not shed one tear, I have felt the happiest and most free I have ever felt. My first love was in a similar situation. His now ex gf was abusive (physically and mentally) and he had wanted to break up with her last spring but, like me was determined to make the relationship work and felt she deserved the chance. He finally broke up with her in March and feels the same way I do, happy, free, relieved.

 

This is where I'm struggling. We both have talked about the possibility of getting back together, however we agreed that the best and healthiest thing is for us to be single for a while and figure out who we are on our own and how to be happy on our own before getting into another serious relationship. But at the same time, we talk quite literally all day every day. He still sends me the sweetest things like he did while we were together, just minus the "I love you's" and relationship talk. We are literally best friends and I love that after not speaking for two years. I'm loving being single right now, however there's so much of me that also just wants to be with him again. I know it's mostly just a matter of being patient and taking time to myself, because I know that is what I want/need to do after my last relationship. So I guess for now I just have to keep my emotions in check and trust that whatever is meant to be will be in its own time. I know that our choice to take time to ourselves is the smartest and healthiest thing, so at least I am confident in that. But of course there is part of me that is scared of waiting too long.

Edited July 27, 2019 by hope18

[Cersei]

This is a tough one. If you remain friends he might get a girlfriend and you could end up hurt.

 

I think you should either try to be together or go your separate ways for a while.

[schlumpy]

Agree to a time limit. Stay friends for let's say six months and then re-evaluate. Within that time frame you promise each other not to run off and get married or have a serious relationship.

 

Best Wishes

[hope18]

This is a tough one. If you remain friends he might get a girlfriend and you could end up hurt.

 

I think you should either try to be together or go your separate ways for a while.

 

This is what I'm afraid of, however he does seem very flirty and like I said puts a lot of effort into talking to me every day. It's summer right now so we aren't really able to see each other to feel things out in person, I feel like once we go back to school things will be more clear and either it will develop into more or boundaries will be set.

[hope18]

Hi guys.

 

I dated this guy back in highschool who was my first love. He was absolutely amazing to me and we had the happiest, healthiest relationship. We were head over heels for each other. And everyone who knew us adored us together. Anyways, we ended up splitting when he went to college a year before me because the distance was just too much for him. He dated another girl for about a year and a half before we got in touch again. His relationship with her was so toxic and abusive and he broke up with her and is now "the happiest he's ever been" and they don't speak anymore. Anyways, he's been back in my life and he transferred to a college only 15 minutes from mine. Since April we've been talking all day every day.

 

To everyone else it's obvious that we're more than just friends even if we aren't dating. We talked in May about things and he said he's definitely thought about us getting back together, but he needs some time to learn how to be happy on his own and figure out who he is outside of a relationship, especially since this is his first time being single in college. I think this is really smart and healthy. He also admitted that his last relationship kind of ruined his view on relationships because she did some pretty horrible, petty things after they broke up and he suspects she cheated on him so he's worried about trusting someone else or being unfair to me by jumping into something he isn't ready for. I am in a similar position, I recently got out of a horribly toxic relationship around the same time as him.

 

So up until Friday, things have been pretty platonic between us other than some flirting. He's literally my best friend and we saw eachother a few times over the summer. This Friday, things changed. He came to see me and we had a blast as usual. He went out to eat with my family (who adores him). Then he ended up spending the night. We drank and talked and laughed until 4 in the morning and long story short ended up hooking up multiple times (he initiated) and he fell asleep holding my hand. In the morning when we were sober we hooked up again before he had to leave.

 

Since then, nothing has changed. If anything I feel closer to him. We still talk all day every day, there's zero awkwardness, and we both admitted to wanting to hookup again. He's more openly flirty but nothing over the top.

 

So I feel really, really good about the situation... most days. My problem is I still love him just as much as I did two years ago. I would commit to him right now if he asked me to. I guess right now I'm just afraid that this is going to become a drunken hookup thing. I want to talk to him about it and touch base since we havent in a few months, but I don't want to scare him away if he thinks I'm trying to push him into something he isn't ready for. He's such a good guy and would never like see another girl or anything while "with" me or whatever this is, but obviously the thought is in the back of my mind that he's going to meet someone else if we wait too long. I don't want to pressure him into a relationship right now, I just want to know if that's the direction this is heading towards. I want to make sure we're on the same page. It's really complicated and I don't know if I'm just overthinking because everyone says how obvious his feelings towards me are and that I'm crazy to think there's a chance that this is just a hookup.

[preraph]

You just have to realize that he's already told you he wants to experience being single in college. So even though you hooked up, chances are that his intentions are to date around in college. So obviously, this is not alright with you, so unless he initiates being exclusive despite him already stating he plans on being single in college, you need to put a stop to it and just let him know that casual hooking up will ruin the relationship for you and you'd rather wait until he's finished with single college life.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

I may be the unpopular opinion here, but I think he is using you. He ended the relationship originally right? He left you, dated someone else and is just now contacting you and initiating sex. Now he is backing off and wanting a "single" life. I wouldn't wait, otherwise you will get massively hurt. Anytime someone makes an excuse not to be in a relationship w/you is so they can hold you on the side while dating other people.