AnnaN88 Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Hi guys, I need your advice here: I went back to online dating last month and I found someone interesting enough to go on a date with. Unfortunately due to a health problem (bad food poisoning) I had to cancel our date twice as I had to go to the hospital. Then we both travelled abroad for two weeks.The guy was very accommodating and we planned a date this Sunday. He already booked the restaurant last week, so it seems like we have a plan. We texted a bit on Thursday and then he went radio silent. Should I text him and ask if we are still on for Sunday? I don’t want to come across as needy. I was also very apologetic for cancelling twice and I don’t know, if I should be the one texting. On the other hand, I value my time and I want to know if I should keep my Sunday free or not. We have made plans, I have a time and a place, but I think that a guy who is a bit interested should make an effort and keep in touch prior to a date. I am not saying that we should text non stop, but at least a message a day. Am I reading too much into this? A friend of mine said it would be difficult to find someone if I have this attitude. Would you text him today? Should I wait till tomorrow morning and ask him on the day?
Mariami Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Value yourself and value your time from the begging. Just send short message to him to remind you the time you planned to meet. You will understand better 1
salparadise Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 ...I think that a guy who is a bit interested should make an effort and keep in touch prior to a date. A friend of mine said it would be difficult to find someone if I have this attitude. Your friend is right. Too many rigid, gender-role expectations. Why don't you initiate about half the time and see if it doesn't work out a lot better? It is a bit unusual that he'd not be in contact for several days prior, but maybe he's tired of having to do all the lifting. As for confirming the date... one text the day prior to the date, using the word confirm in the message. If it's on he will respond positively, if not then you've been ghosted.
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Confirming a meeting -- any meeting, professional, social or a date -- is simply polite. It shows that you value your time & the other person's time. It is not needy or clingy. Rather it's confident. Pestering somebody every hour now that is over the top. One call or text is just fine. 1
Twizzlestick Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Hey OP! There’s nothing wrong with confirming a date, I think that’s perfectly normal not to mention sensible. You’d do it with friends after all. As a guy that is totally not needy looking, it appears like a sensible person confirming before they take time out of their day to meet essentially a stranger. With comms prior to first date, as a guy I think chatting a bit is nice if it’s a while until the date. But too much is frustrating. It can feel like someone is developing a text rele and can amp up the date too much. Dating is meant to be fun with a little mystery thrown in. I’ve been on the other end of a date who texts morning, noon and night and I feel a bit smothered and like this person is rolling all into this prior to even meeting which is a bit of a turn away.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 this is response to the original post. me personally I dont initiate texts or phone calls with guys MOST OF THE TIME. however I do initiate a text the day before the date confirming if we are still on on if its our first date. if you dont hear from him at all the day before then I assume the day of we dont have a date. every time a guy confirmed a date the day before it was on the next day. especially since you canceled twice you should confirm the day before. he may not take you seriously. so confirm. if a guy canceled twice in a row I would have ignored him afterwards lol. 1
Gretchen12 Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 If I had cancelled on the guy twice before, and he has now made a reservation, I'd be unabashedly needy (the need to make it right). I'd probably text him "oh please o please o please don't cancel on me."
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Just send a text that you are looking forward to your date, confirming you will be there. 1
The Outlaw Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Text him to confirm if you're still on for Sunday. That way, you'll know. He could just be busy, or may not want to seem needy/clingy but always better to know.
OatsAndHall Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Yes, I would suggest texting him to confirm plans. It's just a simple courtesy, especially given that you've had to postpone this date twice.
Versacehottie Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Yes, as curiousroxy said, since you cancelled twice before you've even met, I think you should text him. To me, the burden of building up the trust that you are going to do what you say and come to the date is on you. 1
newyorker11356 Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Yes. I always confirm to make sure I don't go there and waste my time with her not showing up.
Author AnnaN88 Posted July 27, 2019 Author Posted July 27, 2019 He texted this morning and yes, we are still on for tomorrow. Thank you very much for your advice! 2
preraph Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Don't say "Are we still on" because that does sound extremely insecure. But yes, you text Saturday sometime and say, "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!" 1
Versacehottie Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Don't say "Are we still on" because that does sound extremely insecure. But yes, you text Saturday sometime and say, "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!" OMG, perfectly said. I couldn't think of a way to word this & wanted to say something similar. 100% agree. You need to presume you are on, all the while you are effectively confirming. This guy sounds like he's into it (and has subsequently reached out to you first) however, this goes for whoever is "confirming". Better to confirm the time (not that you are going or not), the place or some small detail. Not to be game playing but to convey confidence and assuredness. This is all important for a person's overall impression and a positive image of eagerness not desperation or vibe of "don't waste my time" hostility. Better to always convey that you're in something "together" and sorting out small details rather than to treat the event (and thus the person) as an adversary 1
Author AnnaN88 Posted July 28, 2019 Author Posted July 28, 2019 The first date went well I think. We had a 4 hours first date in which we laughed a lot and everything was great, however at the end of the date he said he had a fantastic time and he sent a picture with his cat saying hello, no mention of a second date ( some hints during the date though!). I know it is just a first date, but I realised I am a terribly insecure person. This date means the return to online dating and dating in general after a whole year break and it feels weird. I am getting insecure again, not knowing what to do after the first date and overanalysing everything. I saw him online on WhatsApp after the date, so I automatically assumed that he was chatting with other ladies ( which to be honest would be normal, he doesn’t owe me anything), but after the initial excitement post-date, I am now all of a sudden a bit paranoid. I am just starting to think that there is a problem with me and somehow I am sabotaging my chances of finding someone.
JEG88 Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 The first date went well I think. We had a 4 hours first date in which we laughed a lot and everything was great, however at the end of the date he said he had a fantastic time and he sent a picture with his cat saying hello, no mention of a second date ( some hints during the date though!). I know it is just a first date, but I realised I am a terribly insecure person. This date means the return to online dating and dating in general after a whole year break and it feels weird. I am getting insecure again, not knowing what to do after the first date and overanalysing everything. I saw him online on WhatsApp after the date, so I automatically assumed that he was chatting with other ladies ( which to be honest would be normal, he doesn’t owe me anything), but after the initial excitement post-date, I am now all of a sudden a bit paranoid. I am just starting to think that there is a problem with me and somehow I am sabotaging my chances of finding someone. That's good to hear about the first date! First thing is you need to temper your expectations. Always assume the other person is multi-dating and chatting with other women, at least until/if you two discuss exclusivity if it gets that far. Second is, don't put all of your eggs in this guy's basket. Continue chatting with other guys as well, seeing what's out there. It will at the very least help distract you from your feeling of paranoia, and helps to not put all of your emotional energy into one guy after one date. 1
Author AnnaN88 Posted August 1, 2019 Author Posted August 1, 2019 Thank you for your replies guys! Not sure what to think about my date. He texted immediately after the date and he went radio silent for 3 days. He texted today asking about my week and weekend plans. No second date planned, he was just talking about his busy schedule.
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