Theck Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Hi all its been a few years since I've done a sad sack post so its time for one. Story: 36, male, very good job, socially ok but no real friends at the moment. Moved jobs after a stint in Dublin, now living in another city. Have had relationships before, longest 11 months, all others less than 2 months. Currently in the mood to meet someone but meeting someone and dating do not come easily for me. In fact I don't know anyone at all with worse luck than me. Without going into my entire past, heres the situation. A few months after I arrived, I met Vicky. She's second in command of her department. I'm on the third 'tier' of mine. I don't report to her or anything like that but we do collaborate. I chatted to her occasionally and felt we got along quite well. Walking back to the carpark with her one day I blurted out did she want to go for coffee with me. She actually said yes and the next week, on my third attempt, I managed to steer myself into her office and she gave me her number. Thus followed a few dates. This was great. We got on quite well on the dates, plenty of chat. Not much physical, no more than holding hands or a kiss. But this wasn't a problem for me because we got on well. Work was busy and we met up once per week and probably every second weekend for a bit. A pre-arranged holiday with her family had her gone for 10 days, and while there was the odd text from me to her, she did not initiate a conversation herself but did always reply. I didn't text her every five minutes or anything like that. She is a bit anti-phone and anti-technology (ie: didn't use a Visa, cash only). When she was back we met up one Saturday and had the best date yet, an afternoon together in another town, off to an old fort, down to the beach. I was delighted, really happy. Thought I'd finally met someone, she was opening up to me nicely, and we had a really good time. Almost a bit romantic. I texted her one day about coffee and she said it would likely be next week due to all that was going on. I didn't hear from her for a day or two but found out quite randomly that her grandmother had died. How long she'd been sick for I don't know. But she had died and Vicky disappeared for a few days. Didn't text me to say anything, just disappeared. I texted her and told her I'd found out on the grapevine and if she needed anything, to let me know. The usual, but I meant it. When she returned, she texted me that she wanted coffee one evening. My gut lurched a bit as I'd noticed a slight change in her texts and at coffee she broke up with me, as nicely as she could. Saying that work was too much at the moment, she had never seen herself ever being in a long-term relationship, and that it wasn't anything I'd done, it was all her. That was that. I was quite upset, but resolved to get over it. I've been broken up with before. But that hasn't happened. She is far nicer than anyone I've ever dated and the only one that I'd happily introduce to my parents (I always ask myself would I be proud enough to bring her home to my parents. If not, I end things). I was bloody proud to be dating her, thats for sure. I've been thinking about her just about all the time in the two weeks since she broke up with me. All is fine at work and we are still interacting, I had to go into her office today to explain something and it was fine, she is the same person I used to know and there is a bit of a laugh and a smile. But it killed me for hours afterwards. I still really, really fancy her and for the first time in what has been a disasterous life of dating, she's the first girl I really wanted to be with and settle down with. (Disclaimer: I most certainly did not come on too strong, I held back because she was naturally taking things a bit slowly). Now, I am away this weekend at a friends funeral and then have a week off from next weekend onwards. Work will not calm down for a few months. But what do people think I should do? Do I just man-up and get over myself, move on? I have absolutely no prospects at all, anywhere at the moment. My hobbies do not let me meet people my own age. Online dating where I am is like scraping the bottom of the barrel. My gut is wanting to try Vicky again and carefully suggest a meal or a coffee for old times sake, or at least wander into her office for a quick chat occasionally to keep judging things for now, until work does calm down. Or drop it a bit in conversation like if she asked me how I was I could say "I'm ok, haha I still miss having you around but other than that I'm fine!". Any ideas? The work thing is an issue as we will be working together for the foreseeable (same department, different staff group). I'm at a loss. Heart says yes... most definitely yes... head says "hang on". But I've followed my head too often in the past and it usually ends up with me at home on the computer on a Friday night.
PinkPampies Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 She broke up with you. I wouldn’t push the issue because you work together and that might make working together uncomfortable, or make her uncomfortable. She let you down nicely, but broke up with you just the same. You’re going to have to move on. What’s wrong with being by yourself? Try to get out in social situations more and let it happen naturally. And definitely do not continue to pursue Vicky. That ship sailed.
Marc878 Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 She's told you what you need to know. If you're smart you'll believe her. leave her alone as she's asked.
preraph Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 She wouldn't have broken up with you if she wasn't serious. It sounds like your relationship never really heated up to me, a couple of kisses, you said. Unfortunately, this is what becomes of work romances. It is very awkward when they end, and they usually do end. Yes, you'll have to man up and only be professional and polite to her. Of course, avoid anything personal with her, even if she starts acting like she wants to be "just friends," because I will say many women have no problem being "just friends" with no intention whatever of taking it any further. Good luck. She knows her own mind, so don't start thinking you can change it. That's for rom-coms.
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