SunnySide0418 Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 I recently broke up with my bf of a year and a half. He is not taking it well at all. Sending me emails begging me to give us another chance. He's lost weight and says he's just miserable. I feel terrible. it was a complicated relationship. He had a lot of baggage from his bad childhood. I was there for him as much as I can be until things got to be too much and he became smothering . It just got too draining. What can I do, if anything, to help him? Should I just ignore his emails? I've told him everything I feel many many times but it's like he's in denial because all wasn't bad.
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 You can't fix this & it's cruel to be kind. If you try to help him he will see this as you giving him a chance. I'd send a quick last e-mail for closure: Dear [Ex BF} While I feel empathy that you are in pain, we have been over this. Our relationship was not working for me & we broke up. You begging for me back is not helping your case & frankly it's getting annoying. This unhealthy behavior you are displaying is further proof that I made the right decision to end things. I am sorry that you are hurting but you need to move on. This will be my last communication with you. Stop reaching out for me. Consider therapy to address your childhood, this break up & how they both affect you now. Sincerely, SunnySide0418 He won't listen but at least you will know that you were clear. Then you have to block him for his sake. 2
fromheart Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Be polite but firm, no need to be aggressive as it will just add to it. Tell him to look after himself, but that in order to help him you must ignore his messages. Remind him that you do care, but the romantic side of your connection has finished and both of you must move on with no contact. There's no need for the coldness and anger which has become associated with the modern relationship. Unless he's been assaulting you or something, aggression is not necessary. Not his fault if he's had a rough childhood. 3
PRW Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 (edited) I recently broke up with my bf of a year and a half. He is not taking it well at all. Sending me emails begging me to give us another chance. He's lost weight and says he's just miserable. I feel terrible. it was a complicated relationship. He had a lot of baggage from his bad childhood. I was there for him as much as I can be until things got to be too much and he became smothering . It just got too draining. What can I do, if anything, to help him? Should I just ignore his emails? I've told him everything I feel many many times but it's like he's in denial because all wasn't bad. Oh, there is so much packed in here. The others already focused on him, and I agree with what they say. But I want to focus on you and how you are effected and turn your focus more onto what you need. Ok,...first,...he will live. He isn't a lost puppy, and he isn't going to die,...and if he does die you couldn't have done anything about it anyway. The key to this whole thing is what you said right here, "It just got too draining." What is going on now is just more of the same thing. But now he is upset and not getting what he wants and so he has opened the drain even wider,...he has ramped it up to the maximum. He is trying to make you feel sorry for him by draining you down emotionally to the point where you will just give in and give him what he wants. You'll give in because you just want to make him stop,...just make him close the drain,...because you just can't take it any more. Is that how you want to live? He had a lot of baggage from his bad childhood. I was there for him as much as I can be until things got to be too much and he became smotheringOur screwed up society has broken homes everywhere. There are 3 billion more just like him. What you need to find is the guy who has his act together,...the guy who has his act together may have even come from just as screwed up a background but he overcame it,...that is the guy you want. Your ex-guy is the common item, the one on every street corner. What you need is the rare item, the gold,...the guy who is strong, capable, and will take you places, rather than the lost puppy following you home hoping you will let him in the house,...hoping you will take him places. Edited July 26, 2019 by PRW 2
Redhead14 Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 I recently broke up with my bf of a year and a half. He is not taking it well at all. Sending me emails begging me to give us another chance. He's lost weight and says he's just miserable. I feel terrible. it was a complicated relationship. He had a lot of baggage from his bad childhood. I was there for him as much as I can be until things got to be too much and he became smothering . It just got too draining. What can I do, if anything, to help him? Should I just ignore his emails? I've told him everything I feel many many times but it's like he's in denial because all wasn't bad. You broke up with him because the relationship was "too draining" on you and now you're continuing to tolerate it. You aren't doing him any favors or yourself by maintaining contact with him n any form. Rip the band-aid, be the stronger, smarter person and do what's best for both of you. 1
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