twatwa123 Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 OK...so I'm not sure if she's into me or whether it's just me... I have been messaging a girl from Match for 5 days. We exchanged numbers pretty quickly, (we were talking about a shared interest and I wanted to send her some pictures) It's me that is doing most of the talking and asking most of the questions. Though I ask something, and she'll ask the same thing back. She is new to online dating. She favourited me on Match, and then I favourited her back, I then sent the first message. She did tell me that's its been nice to get to know me after I sarcastically said poor you to her after matching and talking to me I kinda want to meet her, I kinda feel she's into me, but I kinda don't. What do I do? Just ask her on a date? Or bluntly ask her via WhatsApp if she actually wants to talk?
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 The faster you meet somebody from on line in real life the better. You can't judge much & nothing definitive through the internet or your phone. If she's new to OLD she may be nervous to meet. It's scary to meet a stranger. Pick a well lit, not threatening safe space near her, like a Starbucks. Assume with OLD that everybody is a flake & that they are playing games until proven otherwise. Also assume everyone is multi-dating or at least talking to more people then just you
Author twatwa123 Posted July 26, 2019 Author Posted July 26, 2019 Edit: She also goes on Whatsapp during work hours and doesn't reply to my messages. Am I reading too much into this? Like, if I have a message from whoever it may be, I will reply to it if I need to when I get the chance.
Author twatwa123 Posted July 26, 2019 Author Posted July 26, 2019 The faster you meet somebody from on line in real life the better. You can't judge much & nothing definitive through the internet or your phone. If she's new to OLD she may be nervous to meet. It's scary to meet a stranger. Pick a well lit, not threatening safe space near her, like a Starbucks. Assume with OLD that everybody is a flake & that they are playing games until proven otherwise. Also assume everyone is multi-dating or at least talking to more people then just you Excellent. Okay. I'll ask her if she wants to meet me for coffee next week. I know its scary, but I've met someone from OLD before and had a relationship.
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Yes you are putting too much into it. You are some guy she doesn't know. She owes you nothing. You shouldn't even know what she's doing when at this point. The fact that WhatsApp gives you info about her is a BAD thing. It's making you nutty. Pay attention to what she says when you talk. Do ask to meet. See where that goes. You are not a woman. You have no idea how scary it can be. It's not emotionally scary. It's physically scary.
Author twatwa123 Posted July 26, 2019 Author Posted July 26, 2019 haha okay. It's just with my only relationship from OLD we chatted for hours a day for a couple of weeks and then met up. I was nervous as hell. And will be if I meet this new girl.
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 It's just with my only relationship from OLD we chatted for hours a day for a couple of weeks and then met up.. Adults with jobs don't have time to chat for hours per day. Chatting for a "couple of weeks" before meeting is generally considered bad. It wastes time & indicates the person has poor life skills / can only conduct themselves on line not in person. Use technology as a conduit. It's not a substitute for real life experiences. Stop thinking you can build rapport with a device in your hands.
Author twatwa123 Posted July 26, 2019 Author Posted July 26, 2019 Adults with jobs don't have time to chat for hours per day. Chatting for a "couple of weeks" before meeting is generally considered bad. It wastes time & indicates the person has poor life skills / can only conduct themselves on line not in person. Use technology as a conduit. It's not a substitute for real life experiences. Stop thinking you can build rapport with a device in your hands. Fair comments. I'm just a shy person and would rather get to know someone online a bit first, then meet. I wouldn't need OLD if I was good at meeting women in person lol
Flame Aura Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 (edited) You are forgetting that the longer you keep things online only, the higher chance someone else will swoop in and ask her out before you do, then you will be out of the picture. Edited July 27, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Social skills are just that - skills. These are learned behaviors. Practice You will be fine. Everybody is a bit shy. With a little effort & some bravery you can get past this. 2
PRW Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 (edited) OK...so I'm not sure if she's into me or whether it's just me... She paid Match money to me guys. Give her what she paid for and meet her. She is "into you" when she gives you the second date. I have been messaging a girl from Match for 5 days.That's about 4 days too long. We exchanged numbers pretty quickly, (we were talking about a shared interest and I wanted to send her some pictures) That part is good, but don't hide behind the excuse "I just wanted to send pictures". You wanted her number because you wanted her number and want to use it to make a date. Own up to your intentions. It's me that is doing most of the talking and asking most of the questions. Though I ask something, and she'll ask the same thing back. If you would not have been chatting for 5 days spinning in circles it wouldn't have got so unbalanced. ....after I sarcastically said poor you to her after matching and talking to me Don't do crap like that unless it is in person so the tone of voice and facial expressions go along with it. Seeing it in written word alone make you sound like "I'm unworthy, unworthy!!!",...weak and not confident. In person the humor and the indicators that you aren't serious are obvious to see. I kinda want to meet her, I kinda feel she's into me, but I kinda don't. You have it backwards. You aren't going to fall in love via messaging and THEN ask them out. Online dating is about having dates with complete strangers in order to FIGURE OUT if there is any possibilities. Just ask her on a date?Yes. You should have already done that a week ago after passing a few messages back and forth. The only reason you are even possibly still "in play" with her is because she is new to OLD. If she was more experienced at it she would have abandoned you by the second day of you chatting instead of making action happen. Edited July 26, 2019 by PRW 3
OatsAndHall Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 OLD is best when used to meet people face to face as quickly as possible. Don't waste your time messaging someone for five days: ask them out as quickly as possible. I'll be blunt; you've wasted four days of your time chatting with her when you could have met up. 1
smackie9 Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 If you take your time, someone else has already ask her out on a date and she accepted.... 1
Versacehottie Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 IMO, you are getting too neurotic about all of this. You both are on a dating site and she is talking to you and it seems like it's going well (big picture, not the additional minute neuroses that you are worrying about with whatsapp and how much messaging she will continue to do & when). Wondering why you doubt yourself & her intentions so much? She's on a dating site and she's talking to you--the most obvious and logical scenario, is that she'd like to go out with you! Don't think much beyond that. Everything is small steps. First she thought you were cute/intriguing, then she liked talking to you, enough to make you a decent chunk of her days for 5 days in a row, now she probably wants to know via a in person date if there is chemistry. I don't think you should talk/message too much or it will kill the good anticipation and momentum. IMO, you've done enough of that now and show your confidence by meeting up with her. Investing more messaging when you don't know each other in person could likely be a waste of time and raise expectations falsely. Good luck 1
Author twatwa123 Posted July 26, 2019 Author Posted July 26, 2019 (edited) I just find it odd she’s logging into match but not responding to my message on WhatsApp.. I have asked her out for coffee next week...let’s see what she says. Edited July 26, 2019 by twatwa123
Author twatwa123 Posted July 26, 2019 Author Posted July 26, 2019 Btw we have only exchanged a few messages over the 5 days...
preraph Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 If she's still talking to you, she is interested enough to go to coffee. You can't get to know someone by continuing that type of chat. Just go meet her, like this week. If she should say no, which I doubt she will, then you've just wasted less time on her. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 IMO, you are getting too caught up in monitoring her behavior online rather than justing going after what you want and presuming you have the goods to pull it off. While you are wasting your time doing this, and chipping away at the inner confidence you DID have about dating her, some other guy is probably swooping in and taking her out tonight. You had her attention. You both are on a dating site--she could be logging on out of curiosity over whoever has messaged her, to show her friends your profile, to see when your last login was or simply mindless logging in. And yes, of course, she could and probably has some interest in some other guys. That doesn't mean yours is a lost cause--but it certainly will be if you effectively sit back and do nothing. Just be bold. good luck 2
I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Edit: She also goes on Whatsapp during work hours and doesn't reply to my messages. Am I reading too much into this? Like, if I have a message from whoever it may be, I will reply to it if I need to when I get the chance. You aren't reading to much into this. I dated a guy long distance who would ignore my messages, but was constantly on social media. Turns out he was glued to his phone, he just wasn't interested in messaging me. If someone is busy at work, they aren't going to be active on any messaging apps, just sayin.
Author twatwa123 Posted July 27, 2019 Author Posted July 27, 2019 (edited) This is what I kinda think... If you want to get to know someone you'd reply to messages promptly! I asked her out for coffee and asked what's she's up to this weekend, but never heard anything back, the message is unread on WhatsApp but she's been online this morning. I reckon she's deleted the message without reading Edit: I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right Edited July 27, 2019 by twatwa123
elaine567 Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 It's just with my only relationship from OLD we chatted for hours a day for a couple of weeks and then met up. Then you already knew what "interest" looked like, this wasn't it, was it? 1
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 If you want to get to know someone you'd reply to messages promptly! I asked her out for coffee and asked what's she's up to this weekend, but never heard anything back, the message is unread on WhatsApp but she's been online this morning. I reckon she's deleted the message without reading Edit: I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right Silver lining: Listen to your gut. It's trustworthy. That said, the pace at which somebody replies to a text message is indicative of nothing. Not everybody has all day during a work day to play at responding to messages. They have work to do. I also think your timing may have been off. It's a 1st date / meet. Off OLD, although I only did it for a few months year ago, some new guy I didn't know who was actually a stranger wasn't getting any part of my weekend, no matter what. I'd meet anybody for "coffee" Monday through Thursday but not on the weekend. Weekends were reserved for friends, relaxation & men I was involved with.
Versacehottie Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 I think honestly that you pussyfooted around too much and dragged out that messaging before rather than just meet up. Then you are are checking out her online activity, which literally the kind of guy who is confident (which goes hand in hand with getting dates) wouldn't really do. I think you have to realize, hopefully, that what a person will or won't do is in part dependent on what you INPUT into it along the way. Acting like her decision was fixed (as in she will or won't go out with you) back the first time you made contact is a fallacy. What you've done along the way has influenced her decision. My guess is that over time the excessive messaging exposed her to some things that she decided she wasn't willing to deal with in a potential mate or wasn't excited about. In the meantime, she is also getting messages from other guys. Online/app people are pretty dismissive. If you were a real life person to her (or anyone) people are usually a little more forgiving and accepting and easier to get swept up. The whole thing is less fragile. So I think the most important part for you to realize is in part that your own actions are what brought you to this place. Nexus of power basically. This is to say outcomes between two people have the inputs of two people. This is not to "blame" you but hopefully for you to see that you shouldn't take a passive role or act powerless in the ultimate choice. You have power over your actions which can influence the final outcome. If you take on that level of responsibility, yes responsibility, you may be able to get into the smaller details that will help you do better in this kind of situation/dating. What you can do that's on you: is act more confident, don't monitor her online activity as it only serves to make you less confident thereby damaging the relationship further, speed up the process of getting to the first date. IMO, by the time you asked it was already too late. Good luck
chillii Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Yeah , your being necrotic. Yeah she's not all over you or she doesn't answer you on somethings, so what, bit much to expect her to be all over you on everything so fast. But she's still talking too ya, only been a few days. Just go meet her , see how it goes.
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