fromheart Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 If a partner would rather masturbate than have sex with you, its time for them to be your ex partner. 1
fromheart Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 "Old man" problem, get yourself a younger fitter model asap, do not waste your time with this guy. He is addicted to his hand and cannot have normal sex with you, with out being drunk.. That is not normal. You are 25 and at your most desirable and he is bypassing you for porn, so get rid. You will regret it if you don't. At 42 he is too old to learn new habits so don't even bother trying to "fix" him, he no doubt doesn't want fixing... He is happy with his little routine, masturbating to porn every morning... He is already tearing down your self esteem, get a guy who cannot keep his hands off you, drunk or sober... Describing someone as too old at 42, isn't very helpful. Will you judge yourself as too old to improve at 42? Should I only date young women, based on your advice? Not sure why you dragged age into it. 2
Tamfana Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 Porn is one of those third-rail topics, so rather than question whether it’s normal, question whether YOU are okay living the rest of your life with a partner who does this. Personally, I wouldn’t be. PS- and for God’s sake do not make videos of yourself unless you're certain you would be fine with their appearing in public some day in the future, whether a month from now or 20 years from now. 1
elaine567 Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 Not sure why you dragged age into it. Because at 25 she should not have to deal with the baggage of a guy who is almost 20 years older than her. Unfortunately people do get set in their ways, His "routine" is all, even when he has a willing 25yo in his bed... He needs to get drunk before he can have sex... Yes, some 42yos are sexy, young and virile, this guy isn't. Plenty time to deal with 42yo baggage when you are also 42... She needs to enjoy younger men, younger men in her own age group, ready willing and able, not get dragged down by this older guy. 3
kendahke Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 PS- and for God’s sake do not make videos of yourself unless you're certain you would be fine with their appearing in public some day in the future, whether a month from now or 20 years from now. thank you for saying this. making a porno for any reason is a bad idea, 1
Kitty Tantrum Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 I tried all sorts of things to appease my ExH, who was a rabid porn addict. It really doesn't work that way. Sexy clothes, pictures/videos of me, anything and everything he asked for. I got in the best shape of my life and learned how to REALLY "clean up" - to the point where I had men in grocery stores LITERALLY running into things with their shopping carts because they were distracted looking at me. Having a hot wife was good for his ego, he said as much, but did HIS sexual interest in me ever increase? NOPE. Don't degrade yourself trying to earn the approval and interest of someone whose chosen behaviors make it impossible for them to give that to you. He likes pixels more than pussy, and that's on HIM - not you. You should find yourself a boyfriend who has not embraced sexual dysfunction. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 He's sexually dysfunctional, basically. Your romantic partner is the only person you have sex with. If that doesn't click, what's the point?
mortensorchid Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 It's kind of ridiculous - I mean everybody does it at some point. You even come across porn sometimes without meaning to in an internet search at times. But I digress ... It's strange that he watches it at the time of day he does and when you are nearby. I think most people would like to be alone when they see these things. But I think this guy might have a certain problem. Does he know that you are nearby when this happens? Have you every caught him red handed and ... asked him about this? I would be concerned for a variety of reasons. Does he watch it to get himself aroused in general at all times or just for certain situations? I'm not sure how to approach something like that with someone.
mark clemson Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Agree with those who say you should walk away from this; esp. at 25 he should be much more into you... 1
BaileyB Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 He has a porn addiction. That, and the fact that he will only have sex with you when he is drunk should be HUGE red flags for you OP. This is not a normal or healthy sexual relationship for you. Time to think about finding what you want, with another man. 1
kendahke Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 OP--who wants/needs this relationship more? You or him?
Highndry Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 If he will only have sex with you when he is drunk, one of two things is going on. Either he has some sort of confidence problem, or he has a desire problem, or both. I agree with others that a guy who's choosing to go view porn while he has a willing partner in bed has a problem. That is not normal.
FMW Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 As has been stated, multiple times, the issue is not about whether porn is ok or not It's about OP's boyfriend choosing to watch porn to get off instead of having sex with her. He's rejecting her. OP it's disrespectful to you and more damaging to your self esteem than you even realize. I had a very similar experience as Michelle ma Belle's post #14. In my case, my xH then graduated to brief flings and strippers to have real life fantasies. That of course is (hopefully) an escalation that doesn't happen in most cases. But don't just float along accepting this. It's not normal or healthy.
fromheart Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Because at 25 she should not have to deal with the baggage of a guy who is almost 20 years older than her. Unfortunately people do get set in their ways, His "routine" is all, even when he has a willing 25yo in his bed... He needs to get drunk before he can have sex... Yes, some 42yos are sexy, young and virile, this guy isn't. Plenty time to deal with 42yo baggage when you are also 42... She needs to enjoy younger men, younger men in her own age group, ready willing and able, not get dragged down by this older guy. True. Men also need to enjoy younger women who are ready, willing and able. Fully agree. I prefer young women myself. 1
Author Oscar1993 Posted July 28, 2019 Author Posted July 28, 2019 Thank you all very much. From experience in past relationships I think I knew this wasn't normal but just needed confirmation. We were out shopping yesterday, and I needed new underwear so I dragged him over and pointed out some bits and asked if he would like me to buy them for the bedroom. We moved house a couple of months ago now and his excuse was that he wanted to wait and make sure we were settled in the new house before we did anything like that. That was the worse excuse I ever heard. I can't buy a £20 underwear set because he wants to be settled in the house?! I thought about just picking it up anyway but then I started to fear the rejection when he turns me down so I didn't bother. Surely most guys would turn around and say yes please straight away? As many of you stated, it has started to affect my self confidence. I feel very unwanted especially after yesterday. I need to lose him or this will only get worse.
salparadise Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 (edited) That was the worse excuse I ever heard. I can't buy a £20 underwear set because he wants to be settled in the house? Yea, there's something unusual going on with him. I kinda feel sorry for him, because he's almost certainly conflicted within, not in tune with his own sexuality. As many of you stated, it has started to affect my self confidence. I feel very unwanted especially after yesterday. I need to lose him or this will only get worse.Yea, you need a loverboy who will awaken the sexiest part of you... and intuitively knows what to do with it. Just start dreaming about better times ahead, and understand that this isn't your problem, not even about you. *I just want to reiterate what some of the others have said: this has nothing to do with his age. It would be equally bad if he was the same age as you. Edited July 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
LaPetiteGeneral Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 I'm sure my response may not be a popular one- but from my experience, porn is 100% a destructive force in any relationship. Like a tiny little spark, once started and left unchecked it can quickly become a consuming fire. Destroying everything in its path. Sounds like you are already seeing this for yourself. I know many like to watch porn together as a couple and rationalize that it "helps" intimacy, but at the end of the day it actually negatively refocuses thoughts, places mental images into your head that never leaves you. It tarnishes and is a poor substitute for authentic intimacy. Love, your boyfriend has an addiction problem and the only way to fix it is for him to get professional help. Like any other type of addiction, the first step is admitting there is a problem and stopping the behavior completely. There are tons of resources out there and help is available. Some great ones to get assistance: xxxchurch.com, covenanteyes.com or Victory app. My best advice to you, if you really care for your boyfriend is to encourage him to get help. 2
heartbrokenlady Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 It does sound like a couple of things. 1) Porn addiction. I like porn. At times in relationships, real sex has been harder than porn. Because, lets face it, no real person has as many options as what is available online. 2) He also has issues sexually. Either in general OR with you. You are very young. This shouldn't be an issue you have to deal with at your age. If you love him and want to stay with him you need to have an honest and open talk about this. Be honest. It's driving you away. If he is prepared to work on it with you, good. If not, it might painfully be time for you to walk away.
smackie9 Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Thank you all very much. From experience in past relationships I think I knew this wasn't normal but just needed confirmation. We were out shopping yesterday, and I needed new underwear so I dragged him over and pointed out some bits and asked if he would like me to buy them for the bedroom. We moved house a couple of months ago now and his excuse was that he wanted to wait and make sure we were settled in the new house before we did anything like that. That was the worse excuse I ever heard. I can't buy a £20 underwear set because he wants to be settled in the house?! I thought about just picking it up anyway but then I started to fear the rejection when he turns me down so I didn't bother. Surely most guys would turn around and say yes please straight away? As many of you stated, it has started to affect my self confidence. I feel very unwanted especially after yesterday. I need to lose him or this will only get worse. When I read this I went "WHAT?!" oh girl you need to kick him to the curb with the rest of the trash. I hope trash day is coming soon. 1
kendahke Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 porn is 100% a destructive force in any relationship. when it's being used by people who have no self discipline. anything is destructive with people without self discipline
toyboy98 Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 Sounds like he have minor porn addiction. Watching porn in a relationship is okay IMO but when it affects your sex life its a problem. Someone can watch porn every day and have sex couple hours later but in this case it seems like its not normal.
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