Missy Love Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 I recently matched with a guy on an online dating app, and we hit it off. We had messaged for a couple of weeks before meeting up, and then he initiated getting together for lunch. That seemed to go well, and so we extended the date a bit longer, hitting up a few other spots. Most of the places following were stops he wanted to make anyways though - grocery store, etc. Afterwards, I texted him and said thank you and that I hoped to see him again. We texted throughout the week, and then he set up another date, which didn't go as long, but we had a nice conversation. We continued to text after that, and then he initiated another date, and that also was nice. It also lasted longer than originally planned, and we hit up a couple of other spots following. He texted me after that one and said thanks for coming to see him, and we hugged afterwards. After that last date, I had texted him some throughout the week, like we had done so previously, to see how he was doing. The texts seemed to die off though, and then I waited 5 days and sent another message to see how his week was going, and no response at all. I'm just wondering what on earth happened. It seemed to be going well, and I just don't have any idea what happened as it seems he's disappeared. I don't want to push, so I wasn't planning to follow up with him given my last two messages he didn't respond to. We were both respectful of each other and enjoyed each other's company. I really hate that I just have no sense of what happened, as he just ghosted me I believe, which doesn't provide me with any clarity. Thoughts on what may have happened?
frus69 Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 Sounds more like friends hanging out than dating. Did you even kiss? Anyway, many possibilities. He lost interest. He met someone else. He went back to his ex. etc etc
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 doesnt matter. he could have gotten back with an ex, he could be going through a crisis, he could decide he doesnt really want a relationship, he could be hurt or something fatal, he could be involved with dating other women, he could have been married the whole time and couldnt get away from his wife and kids, he could have given up on dating, he could have moved...too many possibilities its futile to worry about the why look at what is. he is not contacting you. move on and date other men. good luck 1
stillafool Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 I wouldn't try contacting him again. I would just wait to see if he contacts you again, if not just move on. 1
PRW Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 Messaging for a couple weeks before meeting is bad. It means no one had the courage to just make the date. I give him credit for finally making the dates when he finally started doing it. But he had no real plan, like he didn't know what he was doing. Dates seemed more like what "buddies" do,...no romantic vibe at all. Basically a fast-track to the friend-zone. Too much texting in between dates, and too much just "winging it" when something does happen. His fading communication is what you get when there is too much texting at the beginning. It is also what you get with online dating. He is still online and is still meeting others. Someone else is starting to catch his attention and you are starting to fade. If you want to have a real success get completely away from online dating and build a social life. Meet people though your social life in-person. 3
schlumpy Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 I recently learned that one of the golden rules of dating is that the third date carries certain obligations with it that you did not provide. Get off the social media, find a meetup group or coed activity like volley ball and find a real man to interact with. It will be much more fulfilling. Best Wishes 1
alphamale Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 Thoughts on what may have happened? it could have been one of a million different reasons...just forget him and move on
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 Sometimes dating is mind boggling. I've had my fair share of those moments that leave me scratching my head. Then again, I've also been on the other end where I'm the one doing the fading or disappearing - that's often how I try to make sense of moments that are done to me. He could have met someone else that captured his attention and rather than let you down easy, he just chose the cowardly route. Pretty typical of the digital age I think. Although I'm not proud of it, I've certainly done that before. Sometimes there isn't anyone else but we just change our minds, particularly after some time and reflection. Banter is great and time together is fun but the sexual attraction/chemistry just doesn't seem to be there no matter how many dates you go on. It can suck sometimes. No matter what end you're on. As you already mentioned, I wouldn't bother reaching out again. The ball is in his court and time for you to move on. Even if he were to reach out again after two unanswered messages and so much time having passed, I wouldn't bother with him regardless. If he can do it once, he'll likely do it again. No one wants to be anyone's second choice. At least I don't. Good luck. 1
kendahke Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 (edited) he initiated getting together for lunch. he set up another date, he initiated another date, and that also was nic I had texted him some throughout the week, like we had done so previously, to see how he was doing. The texts seemed to die off though, and then I waited 5 days and sent another message to see how his week was going, and no response at all. I'm just wondering what on earth happened. I think he was waiting on you to demonstrate some interest by being the one to ask him out. When you wouldn't, he started losing interest. Edited July 25, 2019 by kendahke
preraph Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 Sounds like you two didn't have enough chemistry to do more than hug, and most guys aren't dating for just a friendship. 1
Author Missy Love Posted July 25, 2019 Author Posted July 25, 2019 I had planned to arrange the next date, but I couldn’t get to that because he didn’t respond to the prior two texts. I was hoping I would get a response to how his week was and then I would setup something next.
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 Why did it take 2 weeks for you to meet? I would never have chatted 2 weeks with an online contact. If he's too busy to meet me within 3-4 days it means he's juggling too many women. What happened to you happened to all of us who did online dating. I got ghosted after 3 dates, 3 weeks, heck I got ghosted after 6 months. Just dust yourself and move on. Do NOT expect any explanation from them, find closure within yourself. It doesn't matter 'why', their actions confirm you were not 'it' to them. 1
kendahke Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 I had planned to arrange the next date, but I couldn’t get to that because he didn’t respond to the prior two texts. I was hoping I would get a response to how his week was and then I would setup something next. Instead of twice leading with "wyd?", one of those messages needed to lead with "I want to take you out to..." 1
Versacehottie Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 I think it basically sounds like there wasn't enough of a spark for him to be compelled to keep in touch, continue to date. I think you described all of the dates as "nice" and even from your own description i felt like a letdown. I'm guessing you shouldn't have texted so much in advance of meeting. That gives a false sense of "togetherness" and an expectation that perhaps won't be fulfilled and one person will be disappointed. It's basically angled for some sort of "letdown" and potentially where it's not as exciting as those texts initially. Totally better to not text as much at all and let the date itself be the exciting part, i.e. then YOU and your connection with each other is the exciting part. To be fair, the beginning of all dating (first handful of dates) is a fragile period so a multitude of things could have happened and they could have been very arbitrary or not really related to anything you did or could have done better. IMO, there is no clarity to get, other than personal clarity of how to manage your own end better next time and how to get motivation to keep trying and putting your best into dating. Good luck 2
Mrin Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 He met someone else. Sounds like he was multidating. It happens. 3
Author Missy Love Posted July 26, 2019 Author Posted July 26, 2019 Would it be worth me reaching out again and seeing if he would like to meet this weekend, or should I just leave it?
Highndry Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Would it be worth me reaching out again and seeing if he would like to meet this weekend, or should I just leave it? Don't reach out to this guy. Speaking from a man's perspective, he's not interested. If he was, he'd be contacting you. Also, if you guys went on 3 dates and haven't even kissed, it's not a match. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 No, I would not reach out again. His silence was your answer last time. It sucks, but he isn't into it.
kendahke Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Would it be worth me reaching out again and seeing if he would like to meet this weekend, or should I just leave it? Leave it. What's the point? He's let you drift for this long and he knows he's let you drift. Besides, he most likely won't respond because it will remind him that he's let you drift.
Versacehottie Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 IMO, based on what you have said has occurred, you should not reach out to him. The ball is completely in his court. If you hear from him, you can entertain whatever at that time and if it suits you. IMO, that would be the time to confidently say some version of "hey what happened to you, where did you disappear to" and ask him to do something--all with a light-hearted tone, preferably by phone so he can hear that is the case. It really depends on what he hits you up with though--certain things he might text you wouldn't deserve an answer necessarily...and ultimately it depends if it is too late for you at that point. I would guess that at only 3 dates in but with sufficient 'trying' on his part, he may have concluded you two just aren't a match and you won't hear from him. I think the sooner you mentally move on from this guy (who you didn't convey to us that you were over the top about either TBH), the better. Right now, I think you are subconsciously just trying to "right" any dating errors you feel you made and protect your ego by obtaining his interest. He's not the only guy in the world. There are lots more good luck
newyorker11356 Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Messaging for a couple weeks before meeting is bad. It means no one had the courage to just make the date. I give him credit for finally making the dates when he finally started doing it. But he had no real plan, like he didn't know what he was doing. Dates seemed more like what "buddies" do,...no romantic vibe at all. Basically a fast-track to the friend-zone. Too much texting in between dates, and too much just "winging it" when something does happen. His fading communication is what you get when there is too much texting at the beginning. It is also what you get with online dating. He is still online and is still meeting others. Someone else is starting to catch his attention and you are starting to fade. If you want to have a real success get completely away from online dating and build a social life. Meet people though your social life in-person. I recently learned that one of the golden rules of dating is that the third date carries certain obligations with it that you did not provide. Get off the social media, find a meetup group or coed activity like volley ball and find a real man to interact with. It will be much more fulfilling. Best Wishes There's nothing wrong with online dating. It really isn't too dissimilar from socializing in-person. To the OP, it could mean he just wasn't feeling it or met someone else.
The Outlaw Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Sometimes the 'spark' we feel isn't mutual. It's tough but all you can do is brush it off and try again.
mortensorchid Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 You didn't hear from him within 48 hours. Remember this: If you haven't heard from him within 48 hours after the first date, you will not hear from him again. He might call or text you a few days later, you might even have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no to it. From what you said it sounds like you texted a thank you to him, which is fine, but was it his idea to have those other dates before he ghosted? It's been proven to me multiple times no matter what does or doesn't happen when you are with the person. I have been with guys who were not the least bit interested to extremely based on their behaviors with me, and they never contact you again. Why do people ghost on one another? Because they're not interested in you. Period. Don't spend a lot of time analyzing it, just move on.
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