Curiousroxy86 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 it wouldnt bother me if a boyfriend still feels "love" towards an ex. I would expect any guy who have had relationships before me to still have love or care towards an ex or few. I still love two of my exes and that doesnt just go away. if love goes away I would argue if the person ever really "loved".then again what most people call love I dont necessarily agree. so though I still feel love for my exes I still dont engage with them because I am done with them. done just means I am not trying to get back with them and I wont let them come back to me. being done doesnt change how you necessarily feel towards them imo. however that being said it would bother me that he responded to her. but thats only because im the type of girlfriend who doesnt respond to exes when I am truly done. would it bother me to the point of breaking up? no. I dont think your bf did anything super wrong here that would be a deal breaker for me. but I would keep my eyes open. anything not okay then say something or get out of there. I would say something if he continues to entertain her being friendly and having small chat conversation. I wouldn't continue a relationship with a guy who continues to try to be friends with a girl or an ex who wants to be with them or wants them back. THAT is a deal breaker for me. so if he was still continuing conversation then I would speak up. "babe this is not okay to me". if he flat out says he wants to continue contact with her or continue to be in contact after he said he is not going to continue contact then I would breakup. if he agrees or tries to see her face to face I would breakup. but if he is not doing those things I dont see a reason to let him go right now. but thats just me.
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 it wouldnt bother me if a boyfriend still feels "love" towards an ex. I would expect any guy who have had relationships before me to still have love or care towards an ex or few. I still love two of my exes and that doesnt just go away. if love goes away I would argue if the person ever really "loved".then again what most people call love I dont necessarily agree. so though I still feel love for my exes I still dont engage with them because I am done with them. done just means I am not trying to get back with them and I wont let them come back to me. being done doesnt change how you necessarily feel towards them imo. however that being said it would bother me that he responded to her. but thats only because im the type of girlfriend who doesnt respond to exes when I am truly done. would it bother me to the point of breaking up? no. I dont think your bf did anything super wrong here that would be a deal breaker for me. but I would keep my eyes open. anything not okay then say something or get out of there. I would say something if he continues to entertain her being friendly and having small chat conversation. I wouldn't continue a relationship with a guy who continues to try to be friends with a girl or an ex who wants to be with them or wants them back. THAT is a deal breaker for me. so if he was still continuing conversation then I would speak up. "babe this is not okay to me". if he flat out says he wants to continue contact with her or continue to be in contact after he said he is not going to continue contact then I would breakup. if he agrees or tries to see her face to face I would breakup. but if he is not doing those things I dont see a reason to let him go right now. but thats just me. I think that’s my problem. I don’t continue talking to an ex after we’ve broken up but i mean like i said he did tell her he was dating someone else
stillafool Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 Earlier in the year, you were seeing a woman. While there's nothing wrong with being Bi, it can complicate issues. Not sure what gender you are or who is bi in the story, but there could be other complications as part of the bigger picture. ^^This^^ What gender are you OP?
d0nnivain Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 Since when is replying to a message going out of his way? And i am very confused if he was ready to end the relationship how is it a rebound. And she told him that she loved him first ... she initiated this He set up his computer to communicate with her while his phone was down. That is EFFORT It doesn't matter that he ended the relationship with her. It may have been a ploy to get her attention. But a rebound doesn't only happen to dumpees. Dumpers can be unable to be alone too. That is what makes this a rebound . . .the lack of time / space for reflection at the end of his relationship. He moved straight from her to you. That screams lack of independence. You have only been with this guy a few weeks & already there are significant problems. Don't compound them by trying to force this. Get out. Go date somebody who is emotionally available to date you
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 He set up his computer to communicate with her while his phone was down. That is EFFORT ex messaged him on fb not the other way around. I dont like that he responded but I dont see any "pursuing" from the boyfriend based on what Op said.
amaysngrace Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 Yeah but he shut her down pretty quickly when he asked her for a meet up he declined and told her why I agree. It’s a positive sign. Telling her he loves her is a positive sign too especially combined with the way he turned her down so quickly. I love most of my exes so I’m not sure why people here think you can’t love more than one person at a time. Also, just because you love someone doesn’t mean you always like them or like to be in a relationship with them. I wish only good things for my exes except for the one I hate. Now that is an unhealthy dynamic since we both hate each other. That’s way worse than love for an ex especially when you respect your new relationship and yourself enough not to cheat which he clearly is not doing with her.
Flame Aura Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 Whatever way you look at it, they only broke up 1 month ago and he tells her he loves her... if that doesn't show he is not over her then nothing will. He is not over her.
kendahke Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 What do you mean will he still want to be with me? When he heals? I’m new to this stuff he literally has anger towards his ex so that makes me feel like he’s done with what they had You read that wrong. That was a show for you to get you in the bed. Anger means he's still hooked by some unresolved emotion. Remember, the opposite of love isn't hate: it's indifference, which means you don't give a damb what they do. If he's still angry with her, he's giving a damb about what she's doing.
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 I think it’s platonic. I wouldn’t tell an ex about me dating especially if I still had feelings. The only thing that bothers me is how he claimed he ended it. He told me he faded her out and their relationship ended with her getting a job promotion last year and she became the breadwinner of the relationship and bragging about it hurt his ego
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 I don’t think there’s anything platonic about this case. 1
smackie9 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 I think it’s platonic. I wouldn’t tell an ex about me dating especially if I still had feelings. The only thing that bothers me is how he claimed he ended it. He told me he faded her out and their relationship ended with her getting a job promotion last year and she became the breadwinner of the relationship and bragging about it hurt his ego I doubt very much she was rubbing it in his face. He isn't man enough to be proud of his GF's success....he's a sore loser, which says he's got ego/insecurity issues. This would be a deal breaker for me. 1
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 The only thing that bothers me is how he claimed he ended it. He told me he faded her out and their relationship ended with her getting a job promotion last year and she became the breadwinner of the relationship and bragging about it hurt his ego Let's hope you never get a promotion...
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 I doubt very much she was rubbing it in his face. He isn't man enough to be proud of his GF's success....he's a sore loser, which says he's got ego/insecurity issues. This would be a deal breaker for me. I guess he felt his pride was taken away and he sounds like he likes to be the alpha male
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 I think his ego got bruised he over reacted and is using me to throw in her face i could be wrong
Normm Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 doesnt matter who dumped who. being a dumper doesnt guarantee he's not emotionally wracked. Sure it matters. The dumpee is typically taken by surprise, is emotionally reeling and needs time- usually a lot of time to accept that it's over and begin the process of moving on. The dumper typically has had time to prepare and is already emotionally detached and has been for quite a while. Doesn't always work like that of course, every situation is different and sometimes the dumper is in fact still quite emotionally attached- but generally speaking it matters.
Highndry Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 We were seeing each other a lot pretty heavily the first two weeks LOLZ. :lmao::lmao::lmao:
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 25, 2019 Author Posted July 25, 2019 LOLZ. :lmao::lmao::lmao: !?? What’s funny
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 25, 2019 Author Posted July 25, 2019 I don’t think there’s anything platonic about this case. I don’t think he’s given me enough flaws to consider ending it just yet he did shut her down
d0nnivain Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 I think his ego got bruised he over reacted and is using me to throw in her face i could be wrong You are not wrong. He'd still be with her if he was more of a man. He got his ego bruised when she made more money. He didn't stop loving her. He still loves her. He told her that. He told you she changed & that's why he ended it. He was probably a jerk to her because he couldn't handle her success. When she called him on that he used it as an excuse to dump her. You came along a few weeks later & viola because he was able to get you to have sex with him. Your body became a balm for his bruised ego. He's shoving you in her face saying, see I still got it; I'm still a desirable man. TwoexLDd -- he's using you. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 I don’t think he’s given me enough flaws to consider ending it just yet he did shut her down Then proceed at your own risk. You say you are new to dating, so I gather you don't yet have a lot to compare this to. And that's fine, as we all learn as we go, particularly when we're young and just getting the hang of it. Do I think this is a relationship that will last a long time? No, I honestly don't. I think you will find that it fizzles out sooner rather than later and this isn't the last you hear of his ex. But, this whole experience could be good practice for you in understanding and defining your own boundaries, and learning to identify red flags when you see them.
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 27, 2019 Author Posted July 27, 2019 Then proceed at your own risk. You say you are new to dating, so I gather you don't yet have a lot to compare this to. And that's fine, as we all learn as we go, particularly when we're young and just getting the hang of it. Do I think this is a relationship that will last a long time? No, I honestly don't. I think you will find that it fizzles out sooner rather than later and this isn't the last you hear of his ex. But, this whole experience could be good practice for you in understanding and defining your own boundaries, and learning to identify red flags when you see them. Yeah i have a funny feeling his ex will pop up sooner or later but I’m going to step out on faith
kendahke Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 Yeah i have a funny feeling his ex will pop up sooner or later but I’m going to step out on faith don't be like Wile E Coyote when you do that... the drop is a long way down
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