TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 My boyfriend broke his phone two weeks ago. So he’s been using my laptop as a form of communication until he can get his phone situation figured out. My boyfriends ex that he literally broke up with a little over a month ago inboxed him on Facebook. I snooped (he left the page up) she asked to come see him. And she said she loved him. And he responded back “love you too i would hang out with you but I’m with somebody else and then he told her that’s she messed up etc” Should i ask him about it or let it go? I don’t mind admitting i looked at it Background info when I met him he did tell me he had just recently broke up with someone. He seemed over her. I don’t have much context over their relationship. He told me he just left her because she betrayed his trust or something he said she didn’t cheat but more so she kept letting others in their relationship.
frus69 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 a month ago he was still in a relationship with his ex. a month later hes already in a relationship with you.
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 a month ago he was still in a relationship with his ex. a month later hes already in a relationship with you. We were seeing each other a lot pretty heavily the first two weeks
frus69 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 which makes you more look like a rebound. he may not go back to his ex but no way he is ready to date. You are likely the tool for him to fill the void 3
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 which makes you more look like a rebound. he may not go back to his ex but no way he is ready to date. You are likely the tool for him to fill the void He’s the dumper though
frus69 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 doesnt matter who dumped who. being a dumper doesnt guarantee he's not emotionally wracked. But this is your relationship and you know things we dont know. so it's your decision at the end of the day. Just be true to yourself and dont lie to yourself. If you think he's ready, go ahead. If you have doubts too, be careful. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 You're calling him "boyfriend" after only a month of dating and after his break up of only a month ago? Sweetie, you are just the girl he is boinking in between the ex and next girl . . . or until he gets back with the ex. Ditch this guy and find one who isn't on the rebound. 1
basil67 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 Earlier in the year, you were seeing a woman. While there's nothing wrong with being Bi, it can complicate issues. Not sure what gender you are or who is bi in the story, but there could be other complications as part of the bigger picture.
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 which makes you more look like a rebound. he may not go back to his ex but no way he is ready to date. You are likely the tool for him to fill the void You're calling him "boyfriend" after only a month of dating and after his break up of only a month ago? Sweetie, you are just the girl he is boinking in between the ex and next girl . . . or until he gets back with the ex. Ditch this guy and find one who isn't on the rebound. It hasn’t been a month yet really i met him June 24th
d0nnivain Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 You should recognize that this isn't working. 1). you are a rebound 2). he loves her not you 3) you don't trust him & you are resorting to snooping 4) he went out of his way to stay in touch with her 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 We were seeing each other a lot pretty heavily the first two weeks Two weeks is nothing, OP. Doesn't matter if he was the dumper or not when he's still telling her he loves her. You are just the rebound, I'm afraid.
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 You should recognize that this isn't working. 1). you are a rebound 2). he loves her not you 3) you don't trust him & you are resorting to snooping 4) he went out of his way to stay in touch with her Since when is replying to a message going out of his way? And i am very confused if he was ready to end the relationship how is it a rebound. And she told him that she loved him first ... she initiated this
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 Two weeks is nothing, OP. Doesn't matter if he was the dumper or not when he's still telling her he loves her. You are just the rebound, I'm afraid. Yeah but i was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt he did mention her to me as a way of saying “I’m moving on”
frus69 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 Of course he is moving on. But he hasnt fully moved on yet. Just because he was ready to end a relationship doesnt mean he was ready to start a new one right away. When he has moved on, and when he is truly ready to start a relationship, will you still be the one he wants to be with? That's the question. Generally speaking, saying "i love you" to an ex is a deal breaker. But if you accept the fact that he is still healing and you are willing to stick around and help him and realize there is a chance he may not actually want you anymore in the end, then no need to talk to him. But if you do have some sort of expectation from him, yes you should talk to him. My bet is he will tell you to be patient and while the ex is still on his mind he is trying to forget about her and start a new thing with you, which, leaves you to the original question again: will you still be the one he wants in the end
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 Yeah but i was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt he did mention her to me as a way of saying “I’m moving on” Yeah...I wouldn't. How old are all of you? I am guessing fairly young, but I will assure you, this isn't how great relationships start, OP. Sorry.
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 Of course he is moving on. But he hasnt fully moved on yet. Just because he was ready to end a relationship doesnt mean he was ready to start a new one right away. When he has moved on, and when he is truly ready to start a relationship, will you still be the one he wants to be with? That's the question. Generally speaking, saying "i love you" to an ex is a deal breaker. But if you accept the fact that he is still healing and you are willing to stick around and help him and realize there is a chance he may not actually want you anymore in the end, then no need to talk to him. But if you do have some sort of expectation from him, yes you should talk to him. My bet is he will tell you to be patient and while the ex is still on his mind he is trying to forget about her and start a new thing with you, which, leaves you to the original question again: will you still be the one he wants in the end What do you mean will he still want to be with me? When he heals? I’m new to this stuff he literally has anger towards his ex so that makes me feel like he’s done with what they had
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 Yeah...I wouldn't. How old are all of you? I am guessing fairly young, but I will assure you, this isn't how great relationships start, OP. Sorry. Yes mid twenties for us both.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 I’m new to this stuff he literally has anger towards his ex so that makes me feel like he’s done with what they had That's usually a sign of not being done, actually. A sign of being done is relative indifference to the ex. The fact that they have barely broken up, his fresh anger, and telling her that he loves her are all significant warning signs that he is not dating you for the right reasons and he still has feelings for her. People that date the newly single (combined with the above-mentioned factors) usually find out later that they are being used largely for company, affection and sex. He's with you to help him ease back into the single life. Not because he sees you as a long-term, serious prospect. 1
frus69 Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 What do you mean will he still want to be with me? When he heals? I’m new to this stuff he literally has anger towards his ex so that makes me feel like he’s done with what they had Anger is sometimes not a sign of "done". On the contrary it's a sign that he still has strong feelings. Doesnt mean he wants to go back with her, just means his emotions are still tangled. When he is really "done" with her, he should have no feelings towards her anymore, love or hate. I know I wouldnt tell an ex i still love him. I can be friends with them but no "love". Maybe others will, I dont know. When we are not emotionally available, we cant actually make the right partner choice and we often end up choosing different partners than we normally do. So he may realize that you arent actually the one he wants when he is fully healed and ready to give his heart again. One month in, it's a good time now to revalue the relationship and decide how you'd like to proceed. 2
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 Too much drama and in such a short period of time. Let him go. He’s not over her. He wouldn’t have responded if he was over her. For example, my exH (together 27 years) contacts me - I don’t respond. Why? Because I’m over him and don’t spend any energy on communicating with him. There’s no need - because I’m not allowing anything to start. He communicated because he’s interested enough in her and wants to keep his options open. Dump him. He will cheat. Yeah but he shut her down pretty quickly when he asked her for a meet up he declined and told her why
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 (edited) That's usually a sign of not being done, actually. A sign of being done is relative indifference to the ex. The fact that they have barely broken up, his fresh anger, and telling her that he loves her are all significant warning signs that he is not dating you for the right reasons and he still has feelings for her. People that date the newly single (combined with the above-mentioned factors) usually find out later that they are being used largely for company, affection and sex. He's with you to help him ease back into the single life. Not because he sees you as a long-term, serious prospect. So why tell her about me Edited July 24, 2019 by TwoxeLDd
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 So why tell her about me Quite possibly to make her jealous. However you try to justify or rationalize it, he shouldn't be responding to her like this in the first place. It's not going to end well for you.
crispytoast Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 I think it speaks volumes that he can recognize that he still loves her but still chooses not to be with her. That means that he has a mature approach to his emotions. How someone treats their ex can be a good insight into how they would deal with another breakup in the future. I would be a lot more worried if him and his ex hated each other. @OP maybe the relationship will last, maybe not. I have friends who met their partners straight out of their last relationship and they've been together for years. There's not only one correct way to date, feel, and act. What I will say is stay present and don't let your judgement get clouded by emotions.
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 Yep, but it still allowed him to understand he’s got two gals chasing him. He likes the attention. If he didn’t care he wouldn’t have communicated with her at all. Nothing. I don’t want anything to do with my ex. I don’t talk to him unless a situation is forced on me (like when our son was in the hospital). Can you see he was entertaining her interest/attention? That indicates he’s interested in some level - enough to see what she says. He gets an ego feed. He likes it that way. So he wants the ego boost
Author TwoxeLDd Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 I think it speaks volumes that he can recognize that he still loves her but still chooses not to be with her. That means that he has a mature approach to his emotions. How someone treats their ex can be a good insight into how they would deal with another breakup in the future. I would be a lot more worried if him and his ex hated each other. @OP maybe the relationship will last, maybe not. I have friends who met their partners straight out of their last relationship and they've been together for years. There's not only one correct way to date, feel, and act. What I will say is stay present and don't let your judgement get clouded by emotions. Thank you. I’ll tread lightly
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