Hard to say Goodbye...

[sunflower1008]

The story: We met about 7 months ago, he's married and so am I. We really fell for each other and started spending a lot of time together. Then, it got very emotional and he couldn't handle it anymore. He doesn't even write or call hardly. I decided we needed to meet one more time, just so I have this closure.

 

The result: Well, we met and we talked and we still didn't decide anything. I was really ready to say goodbye, but it was so hard face to face. We talked a good hour and then started kissing (we hadn't seen each other for months) and it was like we were never apart. It felt so good but we did stop and we did not have sex. He had to go home but we didn't decide anything.

 

I know I'll probably get bashed for not being able to say goodbye but it's so hard. And he couldn't say goodbye either.

 

So now what? This is such a struggle in my mind because I want to call him and see how he is. But another part of me wants him to call me..which who knows if that will happen. My head and my heart are definitely not together. Any suggestions? NC? Call him? Help LS!

[lynnered]

why would anybody bash U for not being able to say goodbye ?

if were not going through it we have with someone MM or SG,

we all have feelings its hard to let go of someone U care about especially when they seem perfect for U but that circumstance of Marriage is the only thing keeping U apart.

U miss him of course !

Did U get Ur clousure?

do U think U can work On Ur M& find happiness?

i wish U luck it hurts time heals ,

as i am learning to deal with my heartache day by day it does get easier but i know i got me here & i have to make me feel better .

take care of U:D

[foolinlove]

No doubt you have feelings for this person in the form of Love and/or lust....that is what keeps you hanging onto their next call or their next email. I understand your need for closure....however each closure "meeting" leaves you feeling wanting/needing more. I've tried to say goodbye for many years now and each time I am drawn back to empty promises. I know your situation is a bit different because you both have S.O., however the longing is the same when it is someone you love.

 

I find myself weak when I am in his presense and trying to end it....I am much stronger via the phone because I have my mind made up what I want to say only give myself a few minutes to say it. You'll find that each time you look for closure...you are also looking for a little more....be it a shoulder to cry on, a gentle kiss or a understanding ear. I myself will be trying to end it once more with the man I see my future with, but this time...I won't allow myself to go back for more. I will find my strengh in my family, friends and the L.S, because life is too short to wait for anyone anylonger. So please, when you feel confused or wanting more...seek comfort at the LS, it has literally made me stronger.

[whichwayisup]

I know I'll probably get bashed for not being able to say goodbye but it's so hard. And he couldn't say goodbye either.

 

Maybe by doing that it's better than goodbye. In a way you got the closure from him you needed by seeing and talking to him. You know he loves you. Now it's up to you to make your own closure as he isn't going to able to do that.

 

Be strong and just know it didn't end badly, there's respect and care between you two. Treat it like any other break up that ends. Allow yourself to work through the pain but definately do no contact, as you can't be friends with this man. It won't work.

 

Good luck and keep posting.

[lynnered]

sunflower1008,

i had 3 weeks NC MM ,then last night did "clousure",

i do feel worst today ,ive done this before &its always like this, prev didnt have NC then clousure .

usually Id have him come over tell him when U leave W call me ,id feel really bad week 1 ,2 a little better ,but bring up all those emotions & this is goodbye ,its really over ,then memories go through Ur head .

this time NC cause he didnt call or write for almost 3 weeks,i was starting to feel better not crying ,mourning getting through it,

then he writes last night get together have talk 7 today i am going back & forth between anger i can this ,then crying like a baby thinking of how much i will miss him.all the plans we made,good memories .

its all a process i think give it time U can let go ,mourn a little vent here ,or with a therapist,whatever helps but sometimes we are our worst enemy U are thinking i cannot get over him ,over & over ,start thinking i can i just hurt now.

U said, we havent decided if Ur ending it or not yet?

U need to decide ,this is Ur life but from my 4years in this situation i have learned alot,but the longer U stay the harder it is to end it ,U are just getting more attached &more in the habit of him in Ur life .

good luck

[sunflower1008]

Be strong and just know it didn't end badly, there's respect and care between you two.

 

I'm so glad I have the LS and all of you. Thank you for all your replies. You have helped me so much...you have no idea.

 

WWIU, I like your way of thinking and that quote up there makes me feel really good. Thank you. I genuinely care about him and I always will, and he knows that.

 

Lynnerd, you are such a sweet person. I know what you're going through and I can tell you truly care about people. I wish you luck with your MM because they pull our heart in all different directions.

 

Foolinlove, I will always come back here. Just talking and posting to everyone really help me alot. I know what you mean about the phone but I had to see him in person to just get it though my thick head that this was the right thing to do.

 

It turns out I decided to go NC, but he gave me a call and left something on my voice message. I was totally shocked. I called him back and we talked fine. But I don't expect anything more to come of it. Maybe thats why I'm feeling better. If I don't get my expectations up, I won't be disappointed. So we decided to take it one day at a time. I still care for him very much and I hope he'll always care for me but I can't live my life waiting for his every call.

 

I don't know if this helps anyone, but once you "resign" yourself to nothing else happening, it helps. He knows I'm there for him and he can call me anytime, but I won't be cowering after him anymore.

 

Lynnerd, I know what you're feeling about thinking about all the plans and memories and, believe me, that is the most hurtful part of it. But I had to learn to put that in the past. That was then, and this is now. And you have to deal with the now NOW. Once you have that in your head, it helps.

 

Keep posting everyone...I know I will. I'm so glad I have you guys

[lynnered]

i was telling myself "just because U love him & he loves U ,doesnt mean it will workout",kind of helped me a bit ,today no nothing helps.

i reopened the wound by seeing him even though it helped a little .

U will feel better ,its all about habit i think its 30 days maybe thats why i always feel better at that 1 month point of NC,

and we didnt get together physically more then 1x a week ,but up until july we talked to from work &typed on IM as well,thats the hard part getting used to those moments I know hes on his way to work ,or at work ,i know this wasnt healthly wasnt good even though we love each we are better off without them,

and the plans are the worst he was supposed to leave by sept ,he did but maybe i should have specified if U go back it doesnt count as U leaving we had a trip planned in november we didnt pay for anything but,lots of plans,then when he left he changed mind about getting M again,anyway sorry got off subject,

im glad U have put those things in the past ,where they belong !i will soon ,everythings so fresh for me now time,therapy&coming here will get me back to me.

and living for every call is what ive done still look on IM for him it was getting less&less before he contacted yesturday so itll happen again i just wont slip up .

now if i can ask how are things with Ur H?

are U happy ?

just curious

keep posting & u sound like Ur getting through this