O P E N R E L A T I O N S H I P S ! ! !

[SilentPrayer]

OK,

 

Does anyone agree with me that an open relationship is ok?

 

I practically live off of these kinda of casual relationships.

 

+ I firmly believe that no one should be tied down to another unless it is a marriage or en engagement and they have agreed apon no outside fun.

 

I have heard nothing but flack about OPEN RELATIONSHIPS.

 

I have had many healthy open ones, and seriously they have been the most fun.

Does being in an open relationship ruin anykind of permanent bond between partners? Could it ruin you inthe long run, makeing you a commitment phoebe?

Would being in an open relationship really hurt the mind of someone who is less carefree and open?

 

I need some advice..please.."DO TELL"

 

Silent:love:

[d'Arthez]

Just my 2 cents.

 

Does anyone agree with me that an open relationship is ok?

They are ok in my book. But that does not mean that I would like to be in an open relationship. Many people who do not have a problem with open relationships, don't want to be in one. Many people who want to be in one (for whatever reasons) have themselves tied down in a monogamous relationship.

 

Does being in an open relationship ruin anykind of permanent bond between partners?

No. If it does, it is probably quite similar to monogamous partners. Some relationships fail, and the bond between the partners dissolves.

 

Could it ruin you inthe long run, makeing you a commitment phoebe?

Perhaps. But it really depends on what you understand with the term commitment. Even when you would be in a commited relationship, the commitment would be different from the commitment in a monogamous one.

If you understand that as being "monogamously commited to one partner", you are already commitmentphobic, if you are open to idea of experiencing multiple partners, at least to people who understand commitment as being solely commited to 1 person only. You could grow accustomed to that particular relationship-style. Nothing wrong with that.

Would being in an open relationship really hurt the mind of someone who is less carefree and open?

I can read the question in 3 ways:

 

1. Being yourself in an open relationship, when you are not open to open relationships? That would be a foolish thing to do, as both people have different expectations of the relationship. Yes, the thoughts of your loved one desiring to be intimate with someone different from you, could seriously mess up your mind.

 

2. Knowing that someone has been in an open relationship, before starting a closed relationship? Yes, as the questions and doubts could surface. "Is he or she happy in the relationship, now that his / her freedom is much more limited?"

 

3. Some people who feel strongly about cheating, would feel as if they were cheating if they would be experiencing someone else than the partner they have commited to, even if there is permission, and everything would have been discussed properly. (As a single person) when the partner you are experiencing is married / engaged or in a relationship, you could experience the same negative thoughts and emotions.

And some people see themselves as commited to a particular person, long before the thought of a engagement ring pops in their head.

[LucreziaBorgia]

OK,

1. Does anyone agree with me that an open relationship is ok?

2. I firmly believe that no one should be tied down to another unless it is a marriage or en engagement and they have agreed apon no outside fun.

3. I have heard nothing but flack about OPEN RELATIONSHIPS.

4. I have had many healthy open ones, and seriously they have been the most fun.

5. Does being in an open relationship ruin anykind of permanent bond between partners?

6. Could it ruin you inthe long run, makeing you a commitment phoebe?

7. Would being in an open relationship really hurt the mind of someone who is less carefree and open?

 

1. If it is ok for the partners involved, then sure. If it is not ok for one of them, then it is no good for either. Both partners have to be on the same page about it, and have to have keep the lines of communication open. It also helps to sit down and talk together about why you want it to be 'open'. If the relationship is on shaky ground, or unhealthy to begin with - an 'open relationship' is merely a rest stop on the way to a breakup.

 

Only rock solid relationships with two partners who are unafraid to be completely honest with themselves and each other, and are willing to accept their partners fully as people and not just who they are in the context of that particular relationship have a chance of making it in an open situation. The primary relationship has to be a satisfying one - otherwise the recreational 'outside' experiences become escapes. As long as there is nothing to escape from, and the outside experiences enhance rather than replace - then it can work.

 

2. I don't think that anyone should tie themselves or their partners down, unless both partners agree that this is what they need and want for themselves. A relationship should be what two people make it - not two people trying to make themselves fit a particular type of relationship. There is no one 'right' type of relationship. Whatever works for a couple is what is right for them. If monogamy is what works for them, then that is right. If polyamory works for another couple, then that is what is right for them.

 

3. Same here, with good reason. Often times you have outright dysfunction posing as 'open', thus giving it a really bad name.

 

4. As it should be. It has to be fun for everyone though. If the fun comes at someone else's expense, then its not really a good thing. The primary people in the relationship have to be honest with themselves, each other and with their OW/OM about expectations and outcomes. If there is any dishonesty or misleading, then someone gets hurt. No fun.

 

5. It can if one person in the relationship isn't as committed to the idea, or the relationship only became open because the relationship was otherwise intolerable and the motivation was escape from the primary relationship. False and/or one-sided open relationships can be devastating.

 

6. A person who is commitment-phobic is going to be that way in any relationship - open, or otherwise. An open relationship might enable someone like that, but it won't cause someone to be that way.

 

7. Yes. It will devastate them. Open relationships only work if both partners are equally on the same page about it. If one isn't, then that person is in for a world of pain - particularly if they are only in it because they think they will otherwise lose their partner.

[SuperMonk]

It's a great way to spread sexually transmitted diseases!

[LucreziaBorgia]

It's a great way to spread sexually transmitted diseases!

 

Which is why it is important for the partners in the relationship to be respectful about using protection to avoid bringing home disease.

[lilmoma1973]

Hey Silent,

I have to agree with Supermonk too many dieases going around to be having open relationships personally i am not for it but to each's own!! I perfer a committed relationship with one partner .. I don't think i could share my man with no one !!!

[tanbark813]

I don't think open relationships are necessarily wrong, but they're obviously not for everyone. Personally I could never be in one but I know people who do make that kind of relationship work. As long as both people are on the same page then you're good to go.

 

I do think, however, that a person should be in the type of relationship that they intend to be in long term. I've known of some people who will only be serious or monogamous once they get married. It seems odd to me to approach things that way given that there are different issues and circumstances to be dealt with in an open vs. monogamous relationship.

 

I personally approach relationships similar to a marriage in that I take them seriously and don't mess around with other people. I expect that of the girl I'm with as well. I suppose that might be too serious for many girls, but the way I see it is if I can't count on a girl to be loyal and faithful to me before I give her a ring, then there's no way in hell I'd enter into a legal bond with her.

 

Would being in an open relationship really hurt the mind of someone who is less carefree and open?

 

Interesting that you phrased the question that way. One might also phrase it: "Would being in an open relationship really hurt the mind of someone who is more serious and committed?"

 

I believe the answer to both versions is: Yes, if they were not told it was an open relationship going into it. If they were told, then they would be unlikely to enter into that kind of arrangement to begin with.

[Mr.B]

I certainly agree with open relationships. While open relationships deviate from the cultural norm it is vital the parties involved recognize the situation as an alternative lifestyle and understand that adjustments may need to be made internally/mentally in order to feel at peace with ones own actions and their significant others' actions.

 

Many people can be devastated by the emotional effects in an open relationship if the emotions are not evaluated and properly understood. For some people in an open relationship it can be very difficult to logically view your significant other as having the freedom to experience sensations outside of the primary relationship while still feeling emotionally that they themselves are being cast aside for external diversions. It is my belief that only with solid communication, like others in this thread have mentioned, can an open relationship be a positive experience.

 

While I may be getting off the main topic, addressing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases is something that must be considered. Just as a single person exposes themselves to unseen risks with additional partners, those in open relationships must equally protect themselves. I feel personally there is a greater commitment to practice safe sex in an open marriage, not only to reduce the possibility of pregnancy but additionally to protect the condition of their own health and partner's health.

[Merin]

IMO I don't see the point in having a "relationship" if both parties want to explore other avenues with other people... then (again just my opinion) why not just date casually whom ever you choose too and forgo the "relationship" all together

 

*Shrugs* I dunno... My EXH wanted an Open Marriage so I opened the door, walked out of it, divorced him and moved on.

[fusangite]

Okay SilentPrayer,

 

What is your motive for making this post. Are you trolling here? Are you boasting? Are you trying to sound hip? Are you looking for people to talk you out of your present lifestyle? It seems to me that you are spoiling for a fight in which people attack open relationships and you defend them. You might want to think about why you have decided to do this today.

Does anyone agree with me that an open relationship is ok?

I know people who do but I certainly don't.

I practically live off of these kinda of casual relationships.

Ok... so what?

+ I firmly believe that no one should be tied down to another unless it is a marriage or en engagement and they have agreed apon no outside fun.

Well, I kind of assumed so given that you are defending open relationships.

I have heard nothing but flack about OPEN RELATIONSHIPS.

First, why all the capitals? To ratchet-up your troll-factor? So, I guess you are going to imply to people that they are silly regressive puritans who don't appreciate the beauty and multiplicity of love and human sexuality. You might want to consider that many of the people who don't want anything to do with these types of relationships have the benefit of wisdom or experience that you lack.

I have had many healthy open ones, and seriously they have been the most fun.

Well, I guess you are an exceptional person. This is not how it typically works out for people who try this lifestyle.

Does being in an open relationship ruin anykind of permanent bond between partners?

Yes. It has many times.

Could it ruin you inthe long run, makeing you a commitment phoebe?

Many people who abandon the lifestyle have the opposite reaction -- they become quite focused on commitment and stability. I wouldn't worry too much about long term damage.

Would being in an open relationship really hurt the mind of someone who is less carefree and open?[/QUote]It depends how you define "open." I would argue that people who seek committed, monogamous relationships tend to be more willing to be vulnerable to the people they are with. To me, that's what "open" means. But yes, the times open relationships are most likely to hurt people is when people in open relationships suck people in to the lifestyle who are not really comfortable with it but are too tempted by their attraction to the individual in the open relationship. Then you get to see lots of emotional damage.

[d'Arthez]

First of all. "The first and only principle of sexual ethics: The accuser is always in the wrong." - Theodor Adorno.

 

Okay SilentPrayer,

 

What is your motive for making this post. Are you trolling here?

Sounds like someone is having an issue here. And it is not OP.

Are you looking for people to talk you out of your present lifestyle?

Or are you unable to comprehend that she might prefer this "lifestyle"? It is a relationship style. I know for some people sexuality is life, but that is a different story. And of course the idea that anything but monogamy works is preposterous .

It seems to me that you are spoiling for a fight in which people attack open relationships and you defend them.

Many people, including you, don't seem to know much about open relationships. What is wrong with discussing them - or should we give the crowd stones to stone the deviants of the social norm, to which the majority does not live up to anyaway?

You might want to think about why you have decided to do this today.

And you might want to think about why people have such an issue with other people having open relationships.

 

To ratchet-up your troll-factor?

What an enlightened accusation! Either there is someone who does not know what a troll is, or someone who thinks that anyone who has a different morality than that "cheating in a supposedly monogamous relationship is okay" has issues.

So, I guess you are going to imply to people that they are silly regressive puritans who don't appreciate the beauty and multiplicity of love and human sexuality.

That is your interpretation of the stance, and yes, that is close to the interpretation I would give of your post, fusangite.

You might want to consider that many of the people who don't want anything to do with these types of relationships have the benefit of wisdom or experience that you lack.

At least she has the openmindedness, which is lacking in many of the critics of open relationships. Wisdom of closdedmindedness? What is next?

 

This is not how it typically works out for people who try this lifestyle.

You seem to not want anything to do with people who are in open relationships, but yet you claim to be an expert on open relationships? This is getting more and more dubious. I might as well claim that I am an expert at handling lions, but would be scared to death if I ever see one.

 

It depends how you define "open." I would argue that people who seek committed, monogamous relationships tend to be more willing to be vulnerable to the people they are with. To me, that's what "open" means.

Interesting that you define "open" that way. And it is nonsense, except for the part that you define "open" that way.

 

But yes, the times open relationships are most likely to hurt people is when people in open relationships suck people in to the lifestyle who are not really comfortable with it but are too tempted by their attraction to the individual in the open relationship.

Suck others in? What happened to personal responsibility? If you know what the deal is, it is your fault if you make poor judgement. Not someone else's - especially if you are going to misrepresent your stance on open relationships..

[ReluctantRomeo]

What is your motive for making this post. Are you trolling here? Are you boasting? Are you trying to sound hip? Are you looking for people to talk you out of your present lifestyle? It seems to me that you are spoiling for a fight in which people attack open relationships and you defend them.

 

No, she's for real. And a really sweet person who was very kind when I was heartbroken after Juliet.

 

Silent, I agree with Lucrezia though - you should only go into this if both partners are on the same page and having fun. He has got to know your plan from day one. Otherwise you risk causing a lot of hurt.

 

I also think Tanbark's comment is on target - you should look now to be in the kind of relationship you intend to have long term. Don't underestimate the power of habit and training.

[fusangite]

Or are you unable to comprehend that she might prefer this "lifestyle"? It is a relationship style. I know for some people sexuality is life' date=' but that is a different story. And of course the idea that anything but monogamy works is preposterous .[/quote']I know from her post that she prefers this lifestyle to monogamy at present. But the fact that someone enjoys something is not evidence that it should be approved-of. There are all kinds of things that make individuals happy at certain periods in their lives that do not merit social approval. And yes, I do question the idea that models other than monogamy work in the long term; there are certain styles of sexuality and relationships that are abandoned by their practitioners at a very high rate as said practitioners mature. Polyamory/open relationships is one such model.

Many people, including you, don't seem to know much about open relationships.

I know a great deal about open relationships; I have seen them severely emtionally damage several friends of mine. I wouldn't be this strong in my criticism if they were some kind of theoretical idea I was engaging with. The fact is that the only people I have seen who enjoy the lifestyle as a long-term mode of operation are emotionally passive-aggressive individuals who seem indifferent to others' feelings.

What is wrong with discussing them

I am discussing them.

- or should we give the crowd stones to stone the deviants of the social norm, to which the majority does not live up to anyaway?

Just Some relationship practices mainstream society disapproved of in the past have turned out to be perfectly healthy in the end. Some, however, have not. I'm the product of an interracial marriage and my best friend is gay. It is a cheap rhetorical tactic for you to argue that I only favour "traditional" types of relationships as a way of skirting the need to discuss the specific merits of open relationships.

And you might want to think about why people have such an issue with other people having open relationships.

Because often open relationships function like a pyramid scheme: an individual is recruited to the lifestyle/movement as an additional partner of someone who is in an open relationship. This person develops a strong emotional bond to the person in the open relationship but soon discovers that, while they have only one partner, the person to whom they are emotionally cathecting has several. This often leads to feelings of despair and inadequacy and, sometimes, to the person going off and "recruiting" others so as to equalize the massive power imbalance that has developed in the initial relationship. That's the pattern I see most often: an emotionally damaging relationship pyramid scheme.

At least she has the openmindedness, which is lacking in many of the critics of open relationships. Wisdom of closdedmindedness? What is next?

The purpose of open-mindedness is to gather enough information in order to develop a rational opinion, grounded in evidence. That is precisely how I came to my opinion about open relationships: listening, observing and reserving judgement until I knew enough. But open-minded people, at the end of the day, still have to make judgements. To refuse to form an opinion, regardless of what your observations tell you is not open-minded; it is intellectually and emotionally cowardly.

You seem to not want anything to do with people who are in open relationships, but yet you claim to be an expert on open relationships?

First of all, that's not true. I continue to associate with people in open relationships. Just because these people have made bad decisions does not mean I should cease being their friend.

This is getting more and more dubious. I might as well claim that I am an expert at handling lions, but would be scared to death if I ever see one.

Well, that could nicely describe a former lion trainer nearly mauled to death by a lion, couldn't it? Would you really suggest that such a person had no expertise on the subject?

Interesting that you define "open" that way. And it is nonsense, except for the part that you define "open" that way.

All of the people I see who have been in more than one open relationship are people who are unwilling to be emotionally vulnerable and trusting. Should I just ignore the evidence I see and refuse to conclude that people with multiple partners are more likely to be able to sever emotional from sexual intimacy?

Suck others in? What happened to personal responsibility?

It's still there. I guess you see nothing wrong with people selling crack cocaine either, then. After all, it's ultimately a question of personal responsibility. I guess these governments and individuals suing the tobacco companies are all just silly people who don't accept personal responsibility too.

 

Look, in our society, we understand that while such decisions are ultimately a matter of individual choice, encouraging people to make bad decisions that will cause them lasting damage is not a good thing to do.

If you know what the deal is, it is your fault if you make poor judgement. Not someone else's - especially if you are going to misrepresent your stance on open relationships..

The fact is that open relationships have damaged a number of people I know. The fact that it is "their fault" that they were damaged does not alter the fact that they have been damaged and that that is bad.

[LucreziaBorgia]

One can argue over it to the end of time, but what it boils down to is one simple fact: what works for one, won't work for the other and trying to paint every relationship with the same "right and wrong" brush is an exercise in futility.

[fusangite]

One can argue over it to the end of time, but what it boils down to is one simple fact: what works for one, won't work for the other and trying to paint every relationship with the same "right and wrong" brush is an exercise in futility.

Unless the person only sleeps with others who are also in open relationships, I do think it is reasonable to discourage someone from involving others in their open relationship for precisely this reason.

[SilentPrayer]

Okay SilentPrayer,

 

What is your motive for making this post. Are you trolling here? Are you boasting? Are you trying to sound hip? Are you looking for people to talk you out of your present lifestyle? It seems to me that you are spoiling for a fight in which people attack open relationships and you defend them. You might want to think about why you have decided to do this today.I know people who do but I certainly don't.Ok... so what?Well, I kind of assumed so given that you are defending open relationships.First, why all the capitals? To ratchet-up your troll-factor? So, I guess you are going to imply to people that they are silly regressive puritans who don't appreciate the beauty and multiplicity of love and human sexuality. You might want to consider that many of the people who don't want anything to do with these types of relationships have the benefit of wisdom or experience that you lack.Well, I guess you are an exceptional person. This is not how it typically works out for people who try this lifestyle.Yes. It has many times. Many people who abandon the lifestyle have the opposite reaction -- they become quite focused on commitment and stability. I wouldn't worry too much about long term damage.It depends how you define "open." I would argue that people who seek committed, monogamous relationships tend to be more willing to be vulnerable to the people they are with. To me, that's what "open" means. But yes, the times open relationships are most likely to hurt people is when people in open relationships suck people in to the lifestyle who are not really comfortable with it but are too tempted by their attraction to the individual in the open relationship. Then you get to see lots of emotional damage.

 

Hello You,

 

My motivation for making this post is my curiosity of what OP think of this kind of lifestyle. Alot of people don't understand the concept of this kind of relationship "and yes" it is still a relationship. I still practice all parts of a relationship with whatever partner I have. Coffe dates, dinner dates, movies all of it. There is still a massive massive bond that I connect with each partner. I am not saying that I sleep with 2 people @ the same time. I do however keep an openess incase either me or partner find someone more compatable with. How can I be trolling? I know what that phrase means and that is a pretty nasty accusation. I hope you take that back.

My present lifestyle is the reason being I make this post. I want to see what others think of it. It's simply said and done.

The MAIN reason why I make this post is because I have a "could be partner" who is intersted in how I practice relationships.

BEING that I keep things open, and yes I use protection, and no I have never had a disease. (He) is interested in it and yes I like him but at the same time I do not want to bring him into something that isn't allready apart of his lifestyle. You can't just someday say..."Hey I want open relationships"...you have to allready have wanted it or have been always practiceing it. It does not come easy. (Jealousy) plays a huge part in how it fails if you are not completly sure its what you want.

I just don't want to unknowingly cause any kind of confusion with this guy because he is got to be the smartest and most successful person I know, not to mention he is incredibly kind. I really really was just concerned wether or not to take him through this maze.

 

It's a for sure labrinth and I really was concerned so please say or feel whatever you like. I won't bash you for it. Its a forrum where anyone can post what they want.

I wouldn't turn my back on you if you made a post you were really concerned about:rolleyes:

 

thanx

 

Silent:bunny:

[fusangite]

I still practice all parts of a relationship with whatever partner I have. Coffe dates, dinner dates, movies all of it.

You may need to clarify that for others but it was my assumption that this was the case.

How can I be trolling? I know what that phrase means and that is a pretty nasty accusation. I hope you take that back.

Sure. Enough people have spoken up in your favour that I will retract the statement.

The MAIN reason why I make this post is because I have a "could be partner" who is intersted in how I practice relationships.

Well, my hope is that you either reconsider being involved with this person or that they are an exceptional individual like you who will not get damaged by this arrangement.

I just don't want to unknowingly cause any kind of confusion with this guy because he is got to be the smartest and most successful person I know, not to mention he is incredibly kind. I really really was just concerned wether or not to take him through this maze.

That's good to hear. I am glad you are cognizant of the damage you could cause here.

[SilentPrayer]

You may need to clarify that for others but it was my assumption that this was the case.Sure. Enough people have spoken up in your favour that I will retract the statement.Well, my hope is that you either reconsider being involved with this person or that they are an exceptional individual like you who will not get damaged by this arrangement.That's good to hear. I am glad you are cognizant of the damage you could cause here.

 

Thank you for the wondeful "kind of sorry". I am really not a bad person, and my ways of thinking and living are actually pretty modern. I do believe in marriage but I believe in "personal marriage vows/contract". I do believe in rules and I am old fasioned in many cases such as I will not give birth outside of wedlock being that is the way I was raised. I am not all that bad of a person. I do however have many different rules in my life different from most.

If I were in a relationship now. I would ofcourse be faithfull to this person, I would not sleep with others unless it was discussed and agreed apon that is is ok and they are comfortable with it. I may come off as aloof and someone flakey here but seriously I am nothing like that.

If you were to meet me face to face for a cup of joe you could really get to know me. Digg as deep as you want, say what you please, argue with me if you want and I still will not break my temperment. I wouldn't accuse you of being something and I would not tag you as troll.

 

So being that alot of people have some bad things to say about this topic I will clarify that an "open relationship" is different for everybody.

That if they practice it in an unfair way it could damage partners. I am also very young but you need to know I have a very old soul and I have matured far earlyer then most. This is something I have always done, since my first serious relationship.

It's like destiny....I don't want to be with someone...when my someone could be out there somewhere and I couldn't be with them...because I am in a closed relationship. To put me down to a T....watch the movie Serendipity.

I am all about faith, destiny, but I also make my path @ the same time.

So really..im not just waiting for a bigger and better boat to float by. I am looking for it...seeking it....wanting it....but really...I am happy in a closed relationship I just found out..however....that I was in the closed relationship alone....and he had been having fun elsewhere.

So until I have found someone worth the wait...the time...the bond...the heart ache...the heart beat...I will remain in an open relationship until I have seen the light...within someone.

[Shana]

NO!

With all the disease out there today I'd rather not chance the "open relationship" theory. Just my .02!

[fusangite]

Thank you for the wondeful "kind of sorry".[/QUoTE]Well, I am sorry that I accused you of seeking to provoke controversy for your own amusement. I am not sorry that I am highly critical of open relationships.

I am really not a bad person, and my ways of thinking and living are actually pretty modern.

I don't think anybody on either side of the debate would suggest that your lifestyle is anything but modern.

I do believe in rules and I am old fasioned in many cases such as I will not give birth outside of wedlock being that is the way I was raised.

That's interesting to know. One of my polyamorous friends is married so I do understand that open relationships and marriage do not preclude one another. Of course, this married friend is deeply unhappy because he has essentially been forced to declare his marriage "open" because it is the only way he can keep being a father to his children.

If I were in a relationship now. I would ofcourse be faithfull to this person, I would not sleep with others unless it was discussed and agreed apon

Again, this is 100% consistent with how open relationships work. However,

that is is ok and they are comfortable with it.

What is your standard for judging this? Lots of people tell the person to whom they are attracted that they are okay and comfortable with open relationships because they fear that the alternative is losing them.

I may come off as aloof and someone flakey here but seriously I am nothing like that.

The people I know who are in your movement tend to be highly logical individuals, in my view, too logical. So I'm not assuming you are a flake here. But I still think you are wrong.

I am also very young but you need to know I have a very old soul and I have matured far earlyer then most. This is something I have always done, since my first serious relationship.

What do you make of the fact that open relationships have been around, in their present form, for about four decades and, despite this, very few people maintain this lifestyle past their 20s and 30s?

 

I can't really figure out what you are talking about in the latter part of your message. You seem to say a bunch of contradictory things joined by "..."

[SilentPrayer]

Well, I am sorry that I accused you of seeking to provoke controversy for your own amusement. I am not sorry that I am highly critical of open relationships.I don't think anybody on either side of the debate would suggest that your lifestyle is anything but modern.That's interesting to know. One of my polyamorous friends is married so I do understand that open relationships and marriage do not preclude one another. Of course, this married friend is deeply unhappy because he has essentially been forced to declare his marriage "open" because it is the only way he can keep being a father to his children.Again, this is 100% consistent with how open relationships work. However, What is your standard for judging this? Lots of people tell the person to whom they are attracted that they are okay and comfortable with open relationships because they fear that the alternative is losing them.The people I know who are in your movement tend to be highly logical individuals, in my view, too logical. So I'm not assuming you are a flake here. But I still think you are wrong.What do you make of the fact that open relationships have been around, in their present form, for about four decades and, despite this, very few people maintain this lifestyle past their 20s and 30s?

 

I can't really figure out what you are talking about in the latter part of your message. You seem to say a bunch of contradictory things joined by "..."

 

Hmm...I really don't need to defend myself on what I do or say here. It is a post..in which people express their views, probs...whateva..no one needs to be told its good or bad what they do. This is meant to give advice not tear them down.

If you were to say you liked bondage and getting it up the hooty by teenage girls. I'de help ya on that one lol.

 

Seriously don't tear people down for asking for some advice. My life is not exactly in yours. My words however are and you are commenting on them. That is fine but I would draw a line between..."advice...and what your morals are".

 

Not that yours are wrong. There different then mine and you don't agree with open relationships cause of your several friends yadda yadda.

 

So...agree or disagree.

 

I feel fine with your responces but you are tearing me down @ the same time.

So continue and I will defend myself.

 

Well said I think:D

 

Adios

 

Silent:bunny:

[RecordProducer]

The problem is that in reality when we are in love, the thought of our partner having sex with someone else is hurting us. You understand it when it comes to marriage or engagement, but not when it comes to dating.

 

If I don't love the guy I am dating, i probably wouldn't care. But I don't want to date a guy I don't have feelings for. In any case, as Lucrezia said if both parties agree upon it and feel good about it then who's stopping them?

 

I could never be in an open relationship if I am in love with the guy. I don't need sex on aside if I am happy with my partner.

[fusangite]

Hmm...I really don't need to defend myself on what I do or say here. It is a post..in which people express their views, probs...whateva..no one needs to be told its good or bad what they do.

You asked our opinion of open relationships. So I expressed my opinion. I have carefully avoided commenting on your personal situation beyond urging you to exercise caution and consideration.

This is meant to give advice not tear them down.

That's why I was so skeptical of your original post. It didn't seek advice at all about a specific situation; it asked people to discuss what they thought about open relationships in principle.

If you were to say you liked bondage and getting it up the hooty by teenage girls. I'de help ya on that one lol.

It is my hope that if I expressed on here that I wanted to do something unethical, dangerous or otherwise ill-advised that people would try to talk me out of it. That's my idea of how a good advice forum should work.

Seriously don't tear people down for asking for some advice.

You didn't ask for advice initially. You said you thought open relationships were good and wanted to know if people agreed with you. Some did. Some did not.

 

I'll happily provide advice when it is solicited.

I feel fine with your responces but you are tearing me down @ the same time.

Well, I'm sorry you feel they are personal attacks. That's not my intention. Imagine we're discussing something like smoking; if I just left it at "if it works for you, go ahead," I would feel irresponsible. That's how I feel, rightly or wrongly, about open relationships.

[d'Arthez]

It's still there. I guess you see nothing wrong with people selling crack cocaine either, then. After all, it's ultimately a question of personal responsibility. I guess these governments and individuals suing the tobacco companies are all just silly people who don't accept personal responsibility too.

Oh, so we can hold Budweiser responsible if someone causes an accident while driving drunk? You cannot absolve personal responsibility just because it suits your "moral" program. And the last time I checked you did not have to be 75 years of age according to the law, to hold personal responsibility. Even in the US, I cannot remember the clause somewhere hidden in the Constitution or the Amendments that all citizens are held to be idiots.

 

Look, in our society, we understand that while such decisions are ultimately a matter of individual choice, encouraging people to make bad decisions that will cause them lasting damage is not a good thing to do.

I doubt we are in the same country. But you are right about the last part of your sentence. But why not take it one step further? If you hold that x, y, and z is bad, run a campaign to ban x, y, and z. Why not ban porn movies? Alcohol? Weed? Cars, that can drive faster than the highest speed limit? Why not ban the Democratic and Republican Party while we are at it?

Why not run for a dictator of a police state, because you know better than those who have a different opinion on the matter - or are you struggling with the philosophical problem on how to reconcile personal responsibility with said police state?

 

The fact is that open relationships have damaged a number of people I know. The fact that it is "their fault" that they were damaged does not alter the fact that they have been damaged and that that is bad.

The fact is that the IRL may have done the same. Should we ban paying taxes then? Great rationale.

Of course being damaged by life experiences is bad - but that can happen in kindergarten too, and that is at a time that they are not able to exercise personal responsibility properly.

[fusangite]

Oh' date=' so we can hold Budweiser responsible if someone causes an accident while driving drunk?[/quote']Nope. But if you staggered up to me and slurred that you were planning to drive home, the people you killed on the road would have a pretty good case to sue me for contributory negligence if I told you that you were okay to drive. This woman came forward and asked for my opinion of polyamory; in my view, it would be negligent for me not to say that I think it is harmful. See the difference?

You cannot absolve personal responsibility just because it suits your "moral" program.

But I specifically state in my above posts that entering into an open relationship is a matter of personal choice. Just as I recognize the original poster's right to tell people that such relationships are beneficial, I would hope you recognize my right to tell people the opposite.

I doubt we are in the same country. But you are right about the last part of your sentence. But why not take it one step further? If you hold that x, y, and z is bad, run a campaign to ban x, y, and z. Why not ban porn movies? Alcohol? Weed? Cars, that can drive faster than the highest speed limit? Why not ban the Democratic and Republican Party while we are at it?

But I'm not proposing to ban polyamory/open relationships. I am proposing to advise people against them just the way our governments advise people against excessive drinking, smoking, etc. I would march in protest if our government tried to ban open relationships, just as I would if they tried to reinstitute alcohol prohibition or ban tobacco smoking. But that's not what I am talking about. What I am saying is that in a free and democratic society, if someone tells you that they are planning to do something that could hurt them it is your responsibility to advise them not to do it.

 

I believe polyamory is bad for people and, as part of being a responsible citizen in a free and democratic society, I choose to exercise my right to explain why I think it is bad for people.

Why not run for a dictator of a police state, because you know better than those who have a different opinion on the matter - or are you struggling with the philosophical problem on how to reconcile personal responsibility with said police state?

If you can't tell the difference between advising people against doing harmful things and forcing them at gunpoint, I would suggest that you need to bring a little more sophistication to your political thought.

 

Just to clarify what I'm saying:

 

Telling people polyamory is an emotionally harmful and unsustainable thing to do: GOOD

Passing a law banning polyamory: BAD