quidasha Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 I've been seeing this girl for almost 3 months now, and things were going great for the first month, but since then I really just don't feel any sort of spark between her and I anymore. Her friend on the other hand, I have feelings for and I have a feeling she does too, she shows a lot of signs of it, she's a shy girl but always wants to be closer to me, specifically talks to me, and compliments me while at the same time poking jokes at each other. As you can imagine this is a hard situation, I really want the best for my current girl and I want her to be happy with someone that she can have a future with and who makes her happy, as I don't see us being able to continue dating for long, but at the same time I really want to pursue her friend as I feel her friend and I have a much stronger "fire" with each other than my current girl and I have. Hell, I feel a better connection with her than with pretty much every other girl that I've dated. What complicates things is that my current girl already has a little bad blood with her friend cause of jealousy and she finds the other friend annoying, and they both have dated the same guy in the past. I want to find the best way to approach this situation.
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 What complicates things is that my current girl already has a little bad blood with her friend cause of jealousy and she finds the other friend annoying, and they both have dated the same guy in the past. I want to find the best way to approach this situation. Why is that a problem? the bad blood between those 2 girls isn't your problem. What you do after your break up with your girlfriend isn't her business. What I am seeing though is that you are using-misleading your current girlfriend when you know the feelings aren't there, that is very poor character on your part. Break up asap and let her find a better suited guy.
Author quidasha Posted July 21, 2019 Author Posted July 21, 2019 Idk how I'm using her, I do see how I'm misleading her though and it does make me feel bad, I've only been broken up with before I've never initiated it, it's nerve wracking
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 Idk how I'm using her, I do see how I'm misleading her though and it does make me feel bad, I've only been broken up with before I've never initiated it, it's nerve wracking You are using her to fill the void/sex/company untill you gather the courage to tell her you don't feel it anymore.
preraph Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 It's really destructive to date someone's good friend. It is likely to ruin their friendship. I suppose it depends how long they've been friends a little.
Author quidasha Posted July 21, 2019 Author Posted July 21, 2019 You are using her to fill the void/sex/company untill you gather the courage to tell her you don't feel it anymore. That's the thing, there is no sex in our relationship and our "company" is usually filled with getting upset at each other over little things, I would rather us both be out of this so we can both move on and be happier
Author quidasha Posted July 21, 2019 Author Posted July 21, 2019 It's really destructive to date someone's good friend. It is likely to ruin their friendship. I suppose it depends how long they've been friends a little. That's something I'm worried about, I was thinking maybe if I approach it in a way where I can wait before doing anything with the friend, maybe we can still keep good vibes between us all 1
Foxhall Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 Make the decision now to end things with the current girlfriend, then after a reasonable period of time say one month, throw your hat in the ring with the other girl, hard to keep all sides happy mind, but this would seem the fairest way to play it. 3
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 That's something I'm worried about, I was thinking maybe if I approach it in a way where I can wait before doing anything with the friend, maybe we can still keep good vibes between us all It's not your job to worry about their friendship, as you described it they don't have much of a friendship anyway. Your first step is to break up with your girlfriend, only after that you make a move toward the friend. It's up to her friend to decide if she wants to date her friend's ex and it's up to her to decide if you're worth jeapordizing their friendship or not. As for remaining friends with the ex you've got to decide what you want, you want a girlfriend or you want friends. Sometimes you can't have both.
preraph Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 If the one he likes has any ethics, her opinion of him will lower if he jumps right to her. But chances are she has none if she's been flirting with him.
elaine567 Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 Break up with the gf asap. There is obviously nothing there any more from your side, so do not prolong the agony. As for the friend you need to wait a while, at least a month, else it could be very awkward. She may be interested in you, or she is merely playing games ie once you are free she will lose interest, or she was only being friendly to you as you were dating her friend... Assume nothing. Good luck.
Author quidasha Posted July 21, 2019 Author Posted July 21, 2019 It's not your job to worry about their friendship, as you described it they don't have much of a friendship anyway. Your first step is to break up with your girlfriend, only after that you make a move toward the friend. It's up to her friend to decide if she wants to date her friend's ex and it's up to her to decide if you're worth jeapordizing their friendship or not. As for remaining friends with the ex you've got to decide what you want, you want a girlfriend or you want friends. Sometimes you can't have both. I'm not very close friends with any of her friends, only kind of with the one that I like, I'm just worried about what'd happen between them more than anything, my current girl also dated one of my friends and apparently the break up was really ugly between them
Author quidasha Posted July 21, 2019 Author Posted July 21, 2019 Break up with the gf asap. There is obviously nothing there any more from your side, so do not prolong the agony. As for the friend you need to wait a while, at least a month, else it could be very awkward. She may be interested in you, or she is merely playing games ie once you are free she will lose interest, or she was only being friendly to you as you were dating her friend... Assume nothing. Good luck. I planned on waiting a bit between breaking up and talking to the friend just out of respect and waiting for the water to settle. As for the games this girl isn't the kind of person to do that, everyone describes her as very shy and reserved
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 I planned on waiting a bit between breaking up and talking to the friend just out of respect and waiting for the water to settle. As for the games this girl isn't the kind of person to do that, everyone describes her as very shy and reserved There is bad blood over jealousy and they have both dated the same guy, I guess she may not be as reserved and quiet as you assume. She has made a play for you, knowing you are her friend's bf...
Tagalz Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 I've been seeing this girl for almost 3 months now, and things were going great for the first month, but since then I really just don't feel any sort of spark between her and I anymore. Her friend on the other hand, I have feelings for and I have a feeling she does too, she shows a lot of signs of it, she's a shy girl but always wants to be closer to me, specifically talks to me, and compliments me while at the same time poking jokes at each other. As you can imagine this is a hard situation, I really want the best for my current girl and I want her to be happy with someone that she can have a future with and who makes her happy, as I don't see us being able to continue dating for long, but at the same time I really want to pursue her friend as I feel her friend and I have a much stronger "fire" with each other than my current girl and I have. Hell, I feel a better connection with her than with pretty much every other girl that I've dated. Don’t date you’re girlfriends friend and don’t be in touch all the time. You are dating your current girl and keep doing it until you or she breaks up. Your best approach would be to hang out with her as a friend with other friends of her or yours. Meaning do not hang out with her alone cause that’s gonna make your current girl suspicious. The other option is to call it quit with you girl because when you do she has nothing to do with you trying to hit on other girls (:
schlumpy Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 You are doomed. It doesn't matter what your intentions are or how you don't want to hurt your current girl friend. What you want to do will result in everything you say you don't want to happen. Make sure this other girl is worth it and be prepared to be the poster boy for the worst boy friend in the world. It's unavoidable. Just don't be cruel. Best Wishes
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 This is going to cause drama no matter how gentle you try to be about it, OP. Your girlfriend's friend knows the risk she is taking by getting close to you, so I doubt she values their friendship very much. There's not much you can do about that. As for you? Well, expect your girlfriend will be hurt when you end it and hook up with her friend. That's part of the gamble you take when you date within a friend group. Might there be "good vibes" again one day? Eh, maybe. The more likely scenario is that you will all go your separate ways once everyone has graduated high school and drift apart. Whatever you do, it's time to end it with your girlfriend. It's clear you don't want to be with her, and it's not fair to let this relationship continue.
FerDeLance Posted July 23, 2019 Posted July 23, 2019 I agree with all the advice that you break it up clean first with your girlfriend. Then I would wait a while and actually if you are unattached it might be a good idea to explore somewhere. Who knows, someone out there might be waiting just for you.
FMW Posted July 23, 2019 Posted July 23, 2019 Break up with your girlfriend, you're not doing her any favors by staying with her when you've lost interest. As for her "friend" - real friends don't make plays for their friend's boyfriend. And as has been mentioned, since they've dated the same guy in the past, in addition to the fact she's made it clear to you that she's interested, I don't think she's shy or reserved. We women see through that kind of thing clearly, just like guys see through other guys. I don't think they have a real friendship for you to worry about messing up, but you can count on there being a lot of drama if you start seeing the other girl.
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