amaysngrace Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 I only called him an alcoholic because in your OP you said you recognized that he has a drinking problem and even called him out on it. But if you want to defend his drinking then go ahead. You’re an adult and it’s your life. Best wishes. 1
Author khloe Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 I only called him an alcoholic because in your OP you said you recognized that he has a drinking problem and even called him out on it. But if you want to defend his drinking then go ahead. You’re an adult and it’s your life. Best wishes. I am not defending his drinking. I think it’s unhealthy and would not stay with someone who had a pattern of it. Abuse and addiction are related but not interchangeable.
Author khloe Posted July 26, 2019 Author Posted July 26, 2019 I gave it to someone else and then I called him and told him he was a selfish jerk who didn’t deserve someone like me. Probably didn’t need to do the latter but it felt good. So no more book dilemma or concerns about hearing from him. 2
PRW Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 @PRW That was when we were amicable. He displayed a lot of disrespect after that and was a bit offensive as well. I left that part out. If I send it now doesn’t it show that I am willing to be treated poorly?No, it shows you have integrity and that you don't stoop to his level and play "tit-for-tat".
elaine567 Posted July 28, 2019 Posted July 28, 2019 I dated an alcoholic before and I clicked with him too until I realized that everything that meant something to me during the relationship meant absolutely nothing to him because he was drunk the whole time. It is why most couples do not make it through long term after rehab. Their relationship was built around the drunk persona, around drinking and its effects. Either the completely sober alcoholic goes "Who is this person? Not someone I want to be with", or the "carer" finds the new improved version to not be to their taste once sober...
Author khloe Posted August 2, 2019 Author Posted August 2, 2019 Yeah. I am happy for this situation to end. It has resulted in a lot of anguish and confusion for me. I did a bit of reading recently and I think he was a dismissive avoidant and the back and forth was just messing with me and causing me so much anxiety. Understanding it from that perspective has helped me to realize this was a huge mistake and not a situation I could have done anything to improve.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 2, 2019 Posted August 2, 2019 The book was a lovely thought, but at this point it would just seem like encouragement for him to start contacting you again. I can see it now. He receives this special gift and feeling good for a minute, then guilty for messing things up. Then he starts to think about all his other problems and starts drinking to numb those thoughts and feelings. Before long he's got his phone out and drunk calling/messaging you all over again. The cycle will continue because nothing has changed. You don't need that kind of stress and confusion. You're doing the right thing. 1
Author khloe Posted August 2, 2019 Author Posted August 2, 2019 The book was a lovely thought, but at this point it would just seem like encouragement for him to start contacting you again. I can see it now. He receives this special gift and feeling good for a minute, then guilty for messing things up. Then he starts to think about all his other problems and starts drinking to numb those thoughts and feelings. Before long he's got his phone out and drunk calling/messaging you all over again. The cycle will continue because nothing has changed. You don't need that kind of stress and confusion. You're doing the right thing. Thank you. It’s nice to have a forum like this to vent. It helps me move on.
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