khloe Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 I was seeing someone who made it clear he was not ready for a relationship so we slowed things down until he came over drunk one night crying about his gm dying and implying he wanted more. Since his birthday was coming up I purchased something very personal and non-refundable - A first edition book by one of his favorite authors. Few days later when I texted him he was again drunk and back tracked and said he didn't want anything serious and what he said the night before was not how he felt. So we decided to just end it completely but still in an amicable way. I did tell him about his gift and said I will send it to you regardless. We said our goodbyes. But that same day he calls me drunk again saying he will miss me and wanted to hear my voice but we should not hangout. I asked him to not drunk call me anymore. So he drunk calls me AGAIN and says how much he liked me and appreciated me and will miss me. He doesn't want to hook up with random girls and wants more but he's not sure if he can give me more. It was very confusing. I told him I think he has a drinking problem because being drunk this often in one week and waffling back and forth did not seem healthy to me and I asked him to delete my number. He apologized and agreed to delete my number so that he was not tempted to contact me again. Now I am sitting here wondering what do I now do with this very thoughtful gift that can't be returned and will not mean much to anyone else. His birthday is exactly 5 weeks from now and we live around the corner from one another.?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 No, donate the book. Giving it to him is pointless, as he has been clear he doesn't want to be with you and doesn't really even respect you. It will also keep you unnecessarily hooked in the anticipation of giving him this gift and wondering what his response will be. And honestly? It sounds like he's dating someone else anyway. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 I would not give a gift to someone who treated you so poorly. 1
Penguin_hugs Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 No don't give him the gift. He doesn't deserve it. I was in a similar situation a few years ago- my ex BF broke up with me a few days before Christmas- and I was due to spend the holidays with him and his family- so I had bought a gifts for them all. I repurposed all the gifts to other family members for birthdays etc for the next few months. My dad was amazed by the really fancy aftershave that my ex had wanted so much ! I was also casually dating a guy a few years ago whose birthday was coming up- I'd bought a bottle of the rum he'd had when we first went for drinks- but then he did a slow fade around his birthday and kept cancelling our dates. So I opened the bottle myself- discovered I really liked rum! So a win win really! 2
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 A first edition book is rare & can be resold. E-bay here you come. Do not give it to him. He won't appreciate it & doesn't deserve it. 1
elaine567 Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 A first edition book is rare & can be resold. E-bay here you come. Yes or store it carefully away. In 20 years it could be worth a fortune... DON'T give it to him. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 What everybody else said And bravo to you to tell that clown to delete your number!
stillafool Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 List it on eBay today! Also block that fool from contacting you.
Ajax Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 Get in touch with him and explain the situation. You bought the book as a gift for him when you were under the impression that the two of you were an item. As it is, you no longer have use for the book but would at least like for it to go to someone who would appreciate it. Therefore you're giving him the first chance to buy it from you before you put it on Ebay. 1
smackie9 Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 Sell the book. Block/delete him. He shouldn't have access to you at all...it will make this go away a lot quicker.
spiderowl Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 Well no wonder you were confused, he was being stupid wasn't he? You were spot on when you suggested he should not be drinking so much. You sound very mature. Obviously you need someone with a similar level of maturity to you and this guy does not appear to have it yet (if at all). As you said you would send him the gift, then if it was me I would keep to my word. I would just write off the expense and forget about this guy. If you really feel you do not want him to have it, then you could always re-sell it on ebay or something, or maybe a collector's site.
Author khloe Posted July 23, 2019 Author Posted July 23, 2019 Thanks for the input. Actually he apologized next day said he was being an ******* and offered to delete my number and I agreed. He clearly lacks both self respect and respect for others regardless. It was a very disappointing and unnecessary ending. I don’t think I will ever understand what was going through his brain. If he ended it there was no reason to keep drunk dialing me. Suggests emotional immaturity.
alphamale Posted July 23, 2019 Posted July 23, 2019 he's an alcoholic, you dodged a bullet donate the book to a local library or throw it in the garbage. whatever you do do not sent it to him.
PRW Posted July 23, 2019 Posted July 23, 2019 I did tell him about his gift and said I will send it to you regardless.You said you would send it regardless,...that means regardless. Keep your word and send it. Your word relies on you, not him. 1
Author khloe Posted July 23, 2019 Author Posted July 23, 2019 @PRW That was when we were amicable. He displayed a lot of disrespect after that and was a bit offensive as well. I left that part out. If I send it now doesn’t it show that I am willing to be treated poorly?
amaysngrace Posted July 23, 2019 Posted July 23, 2019 Don’t give him the book. It’ll just give him a reason to contact you again.
Cakess Posted July 23, 2019 Posted July 23, 2019 I'd put the book up somewhere out of sight, give it the 5 weeks of letting this boy go, and then revisit the question. I think you'll come to the right conclusion. 1
Author khloe Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 Return it for a refund. It can’t be returned. Its a rare first edition and I would lose money selling it.
amaysngrace Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 It’s better to lose some money than to lose your own personal well-being. Are you purposefully holding onto the book because you still have hope? 1
Author khloe Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 It’s better to lose some money than to lose your own personal well-being. Are you purposefully holding onto the book because you still have hope? Well I am out of town until the end of this month and it was delivered while I was away. So its on my mind and I haven’t done anything with it. I’ve dated several other guys while dating this one and haven’t been able to click with any of them so perhaps I am holding on to hope as well. Time will take that away most likely.
amaysngrace Posted July 24, 2019 Posted July 24, 2019 If his constant state of drunkenness didn’t make you lose hope, what makes you think that time will? I dated an alcoholic before and I clicked with him too until I realized that everything that meant something to me during the relationship meant absolutely nothing to him because he was drunk the whole time. Do you really want to put yourself through that?
Author khloe Posted July 24, 2019 Author Posted July 24, 2019 If his constant state of drunkenness didn’t make you lose hope, what makes you think that time will? I dated an alcoholic before and I clicked with him too until I realized that everything that meant something to me during the relationship meant absolutely nothing to him because he was drunk the whole time. Do you really want to put yourself through that? Well in the eight months I knew him he didn’t behave this way. I think he currently is drinking too much and has some unresolved issues that he’s using alcohol to cope with. Some people do that but are not alcoholics. My hope is that whatever he is dealing with gets better and he gets clarity on his life. But meantime I plan on continuing to date others which I have been.
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