JEG88 Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 Thought I would create a thread to track my OLD experience. It's been about a week, but I've already experienced a few funny/weird/disappointing moments. Never a dull moment with OLD. 1) Woman moving away for new job, but...not really I met this woman over coffee, we had a good time and seemed to have a lot in common. I message her and thank her for meeting me, and asked if she wants to meet again. She tells me TBD, and a few days later says she accepted a job across the country and that she doesn't want LDR. And of course, a day after that I come across her profile and she added a photo of herself in the same clothes with the coffee shop we went to in the background. I thought this was pretty funny actually, didn't see the need for an elaborate story instead of a straightforward no. 2) Woman is late, asks me to wait another hour I scheduled a dinner with this woman at 6. She doesn't text until 6:20, asking me to wait another 40 minutes since she'll be late. This was pretty disrespectful, and I took off pretty much that minute. This one "hurt" a bit since it's a huge pet peeve of mine to not be on time. But alas, at least I filtered her out before the date even happened. 3) Woman said I remind her of her ex Pretty self-explanatory. This one was super disappointing since I felt we had some really good and natural chemistry, but when she mentioned the above, I soured on the whole thing almost immediately. I'm still actually debating seeing her again as I'm trying to get a feel for whether her comments were innocent or something more subconscious. --- Aside from this, I find myself re-thinking how I approach the concept of choice and preference in OLD. I find myself messaging and liking profiles of women I wouldn't usually find attractive physically, based on what they write as their interests and goals. You learn pretty quick which profiles are all BS, but apart from those, it's a weird dynamic in my head. I would have thought that photos would drive everything, but if a profile summary catches my eye, I will definitely do a double take. Will see how that works out over time, but it's definitely a different feeling since I'm used to making initial judgments based on just physical appearance. Not to say that I would message someone who sounds interesting but that I'm not attracted to, but I've found myself stretching my usual physical preferences based on profiles.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 2) Woman is late, asks me to wait another hour I scheduled a dinner with this woman at 6. She doesn't text until 6:20, asking me to wait another 40 minutes since she'll be late. This was pretty disrespectful, and I took off pretty much that minute. This one "hurt" a bit since it's a huge pet peeve of mine to not be on time. But alas, at least I filtered her out before the date even happened. What was her reason for being late?
Author JEG88 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Posted July 20, 2019 What was her reason for being late? She had apparently scheduled something else the same night and "forgot" we were meeting up. I had messaged her a reminder that morning as well, so that didn't really pass the smell test. Made me wonder if it was another date she was more interested in. 1
preraph Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 Just as well you filtered out the "late" one. Trust me, if they can't show up on time for a first date, they can't show up on time for anything. As far as the reminds you of her ex, on that, you need to ask a follow-up question and find out if she's still hung up. Such as being straightforward and saying, "So I take it you'd get back together with him if you could?" But I will say that with both men and dogs, I tend to have some traits I like that roll over from one to the other. Not that it's necessarily something you should tell a date, of course! But I have told someone I'd been seeing for awhile that he reminded me of an old crush a little when he did one particular thing. It's more like letting someone know you kind of have a set of things you enjoy in a person. Like one of my exes, I loved that he remembered things I said I liked and would later try to fulfill something like that. Usually it was music. But I just liked that he was listening. Other guys, I really appreciate a touch of charm, which is rarer than plutonium these days. I do think most people, even those who were severely burned, still have a soft spot for their exes. But it's just that, a spot. Not the whole package. 1
Author JEG88 Posted July 22, 2019 Author Posted July 22, 2019 Met someone for coffee today. She was weird, in a good way since we joked about some of our quirky interests. I thought she had moved back to the area after she broke up with her ex-BF, but turns out it was her ex-husband. She slipped it into the conversation real quick, and I almost didn't catch it. She had only said "ex" online, so it was partly my assumption until then. Not quite sure how to feel about it, I would need to find out more context on what happened and how long ago this was. No kids at least, but both of us being in early 30s I would guess someone cheated. I'm getting a lot of meet-ups, but seem to be running right along the gamut of baggage issues. Not surprising with OLD I suppose.
LauraXX Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 I'm getting a lot of meet-ups, but seem to be running right along the gamut of baggage issues. Not surprising with OLD I suppose. I don't think that has anything to do with OLD, but everything to do with your age. People usually have lived a little when they reach their 30s. So finding somebody without any "baggage" at all will get more difficult the older you get
Author JEG88 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Posted July 23, 2019 I don't think that has anything to do with OLD, but everything to do with your age. People usually have lived a little when they reach their 30s. So finding somebody without any "baggage" at all will get more difficult the older you get For sure, and maybe subconsciously I accepted that when I hit the big 3-0. I feel like I'm much more accepting of certain things than I was in the past, so it's definitely an OLD journey. At this age though, for me kids are still a 100% deal breaker. I feel like in another handful of years that would have to change if I'm still in the game.
Author JEG88 Posted July 26, 2019 Author Posted July 26, 2019 I've been texting this one woman who I have dinner with next Tuesday as our first meetup. At first I felt I was texting her too much, but within reason as I was sending her a few restaurant options I was suggesting. I've been trying to respond in the same way she has been - waiting the same time she does to respond, trying to match her same energy. Sort of that mirroring concept. But also trying to not get too excited and paint a picture too soon before even meeting. Talking to another woman and potentially meeting next Thursday or next weekend as well. I think I found my "voice" after my recent breakup, and am able to say no based on preference more easily. When I was on OLD in the past, I used to meet up way more people based on the "what if" mindset. But now that I'm more confident in what I want in a partner, it's easier to say no or decline things.
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