Jump to content

Girl I am casually dating is not responding while on a business trip. Feeling hurt.

igloovik

By igloovik
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Inspire Established Member

Inspire

Posted
Posted

OP, thanks for adding some more details. I think you either follow her lead and put her on the back burner while you keep your options open, walk away or ask her where this is all going. At this point you're barely talking, barely seeing each other and not having sex. It doesn't sound like much of a relationship or one to be too heavily invested in yourself.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted (edited)

Dude never go by what they tell you, go by their actions. Like I always say, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. She's been blowin you off, never has time to send a message...what does that tell you? I agree with the others, you are more invested than the casual dating she agreed upon. Her not contacting you is her setting a boundary....she doesn't want this messaging, she will contact you when she feels like it or when it's time to set up a date. That is all she wants out of this....if anything.

Edited by smackie9
Rocker71 Established Member

Rocker71

Posted
Posted
you need to work fewer hours and enjoy life a little more

 

In addition to that - casually date more women. I'd be willing to bet next months income she's seeing other guys. Probably why you haven't heard from her.

 

Problem solved.

Tamfana Established Member

Tamfana

Posted
Posted

"call her out?" "discuss your concerns" about her? Way out of line for someone you're dating casually while dating others too. If you want a closer relationship with her, tell her. Tell her you're falling for her and want her to be your girlfriend. Bring flowers with you for that talk.

 

Prepping to criticize her or get in her face about her communications while you two were complete free agents and you yourself were dating is nervy as hell.

  • Like 1
Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted
I'd be willing to bet next months income she's seeing other guys. Probably why you haven't heard from her.

 

 

That is my read on it too, and most likely at least one guy who has more of her time than the others.

  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

As someone who goes on business trips often, with packed schedule, I have no problem staying in frequent contact with people I want to talk to. By frequent, I mean once a day and often more. Lots of business people have family and kids so there is idle time when they are texting/talking to them, waking up/gong to sleep, toilet/showers...plus usually at least hour or 2 of a break during the day.

 

She is not int

  • Like 1
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

I can't see once a month dating going anywhere. If you are not both finding more time for each other, then that suggests the occasional meet-up is ok for you both.

 

However, I am getting the impression she is more casual about this than you. You were keeping in regular contact with her. My feeling is that, unless you are seeing someone regularly and effectively in a relationship, regular contact would just become demanding.

 

If she needs a break from you and other things for a whole weekend, then she is not missing you that much. I think she is treating this as very casual and fading basically. She might well make the date but the message she is giving is don't bank on me.

 

For whatever reason, this relationship is not progressing. It could be that neither of you know why, but somewhere there is an underlying reason.

  • Author
igloovik Member

igloovik

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Ok, so she ended up flaking on our date tomm giving me some excuse about her trip being stressful and needing to relax/not be bothered. I think the information presented by most of the users here is probably the truth that I just didn't want to hear. It really hurts but this seems to clearly be someone who either doesn't want to go any further with me, doesn't know what she wants, or some combination of the two. As excruciatingly painful as it is to admit, I agree that to protect myself it is probably best that I don't talk to this person anymore.

  • Like 1
schlumpy Established Member

schlumpy

Posted
Posted

One door closes and another opens up.

Inspire Established Member

Inspire

Posted
Posted
Ok, so she ended up flaking on our date tomm giving me some excuse about her trip being stressful and needing to relax/not be bothered. I think the information presented by most of the users here is probably the truth that I just didn't want to hear. It really hurts but this seems to clearly be someone who either doesn't want to go any further with me, doesn't know what she wants, or some combination of the two. As excruciatingly painful as it is to admit, I agree that to protect myself it is probably best that I don't talk to this person anymore.

 

At this point I wouldn't even bother talking to her about moving forward. Just move on and forget her.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

OP, given your last update - I think it's best if you don't contact her again.

 

It isn't pleasant, but it's time to concede that she is not interested. There really isn't anything more to discuss with her.

  • Author
igloovik Member

igloovik

Posted
  • Author
Posted
OP, given your last update - I think it's best if you don't contact her again.

 

It isn't pleasant, but it's time to concede that she is not interested. There really isn't anything more to discuss with her.

 

 

Thank you for the input, I agree. In the event that she does contact me though sometime in the future, do you think it is best that I just don't answer her. Or should I cut all contact with her now to avoid that possibility. I just don't want this person to hurt me again.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

Forget "casual dating", you are obviously a person who wants/needs more than that from a partner.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
In the event that she does contact me though sometime in the future, do you think it is best that I just don't answer her.

 

If she does contact you at some point, I would let her know that you feel it's best to stop communicating since you're on different pages - and leave it at that.

  • Like 1
TheFinalWord Established Member

TheFinalWord

Posted
Posted

Women's interest will sometimes go down. It doesn't mean she doesn't want to keep seeing you, but there are times when she needs space. To wonder about you, for her feelings to build. The worst thing you can do during this time is to keep pushing for communication. Mirror her communication. If she's not getting back, she is getting some space and that is okay. Don't bring it up either. You're going to come across needy. You guys aren't in anything serious, so don't let your anxiety ruin a good thing.

frus69 Established Member

frus69

Posted
Posted

Only read the first thread, and I dont understand how are you still casual if it's been several months, and you really like her a lot? It should have been a relationship by now.

 

I do think she is losing interest. But it could be because you are still casual/you didnt step it up, unless you revealed more detailed later on and I missed them.

  • Author
igloovik Member

igloovik

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Only read the first thread, and I dont understand how are you still casual if it's been several months, and you really like her a lot? It should have been a relationship by now.

 

I do think she is losing interest. But it could be because you are still casual/you didnt step it up, unless you revealed more detailed later on and I missed them.

 

She has a lot she was going through when we first started going out and said she couldn't handle a committed relationship for the time being. I don't think me not willing to step it up has anything to do with it. I have been very open with my feelings for her. I have also been very patient and have showed her nothing but courtesy and attention even though she hasn't been doing the same for me lately. I last spoke to her a few days ago and have been thinking it may be best for me to give her space if she is feeling overwhelmed and wait for her to reach out to me. If she doesn't for two weeks I'll try one more time to get her to spend time with me or else I will just cut my losses and move on. Is this is a good approach or is it just magical thinking on my part that this could work?

Edited by igloovik
frus69 Established Member

frus69

Posted
Posted

Personally, I dont bother with ppl whom are not relationship ready from the start. I don't worry about changing their mind. But I'm a girl.

 

Is she worth your time and effort? Is she an amazing person ? More importantly Do you think she is gonna be an amazing partner if shes ready? And you will have an amazing relationship with her if shes ready? If yes yes yes and yes, you can try again

Highndry Established Member

Highndry

Posted
Posted
I last spoke to her a few days ago and have been thinking it may be best for me to give her space if she is feeling overwhelmed and wait for her to reach out to me. If she doesn't for two weeks I'll try one more time to get her to spend time with me or else I will just cut my losses and move on. Is this is a good approach or is it just magical thinking on my part that this could work?

 

 

Bad approach. You do nothing and let her come to you if she's interested. She has low interest in you, and it's just going to get lower the more you pursue her. In my opinion, there is no good outcome and you should just move on. Even if she decides to come around and see you again, she will end up in exactly the same place. The reason being that you are, again, a person she has low interest in. It's just the way it is. Focus on women who have high interest in you. They do not want you to get away and will climb mountains. Why waste time with some lukewarm dud?

  • Like 1
frus69 Established Member

frus69

Posted
Posted
Bad approach. You do nothing and let her come to you if she's interested. She has low interest in you, and it's just going to get lower the more you pursue her.

 

As a woman, I dont agree.

 

If Im just in a difficult life situation and turn down a guy, and he tries again, 90% of time it wont change my mind. 10% it will. And I know other girls (my friends) who changed their mind in the past. But 0% i would even lose more interest, as long as he is polite.

Highndry Established Member

Highndry

Posted
Posted
As a woman, I dont agree.

 

If Im just in a difficult life situation and turn down a guy, and he tries again, 90% of time it wont change my mind. 10% it will. And I know other girls (my friends) who changed their mind in the past. But 0% i would even lose more interest, as long as he is polite.

 

 

I rest my case.

OatsAndHall Established Member

OatsAndHall

Posted
Posted
Thank you for the input, I agree. In the event that she does contact me though sometime in the future, do you think it is best that I just don't answer her. Or should I cut all contact with her now to avoid that possibility. I just don't want this person to hurt me again.

 

 

I wouldn't contact her or respond if she gets in touch with you. Especially given that she primarily reached out when she was struggling emotionally. It appears as if she was/is going through a rough patch, contacted you for support and then the business trip occupied her mind. If she does reach out to you again, I wouldn't be surprised if it's when she's struggling. This is a bad cycle; you're not her therapist.

 

 

 

On another note, I believe you need to learn to keep some walls up when you're first dating someone. It sounds like you became quite emotionally attached to an individual that was basically a stranger. Now, I know that's much easier to do when they're leaning on you a bit for emotional support. There appears to be something deeper between the two of you but there really isn't.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...