who is this Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Whenever I am happy because of something else, he gets jealous. He gets jealous of these things and then starts an argument because of his jealousy. It gets to the point of when I'm watching a TV show and I say that it is funny, he gets jealous of a TV show. Then, as usual, starts an argument because of his jealousy. It could be to cope with it but I'm not sure. He says he'll try to fix it, but he also says that it is just part of him. I do believe he is changing or trying to change. My view on this is that whenever people are in a relationship, they should be happy if the other person is happy, right? I think couples don't need to depend on each other for happiness. Yes, both do bring happiness for one another, but it shouldn't be depending on one another... Personally, I want my boyfriend to be happy, even if it wasn't by me, and I'd be happy for him.
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 if he truly feels that way, he needs therapy. Don't subjugate yourself to his whims. When he gets like this ignore him & tell him to get over himself. 2
schlumpy Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 My view on this is that whenever people are in a relationship, they should be happy if the other person is happy, right? I think couples don't need to depend on each other for happiness. Yes, both do bring happiness for one another, but it shouldn't be depending on one another... Personally, I want my boyfriend to be happy, even if it wasn't by me, and I'd be happy for him. That's a very healthy viewpoint. Your happiness actually should be internally generated and added to by outside interests. It's obvious that your boyfriend is on the other side of this philosophical fence. He wants to be your only source of happiness as you are for him. It's evidence or a measure of your feelings for him. I'm not a big fan of therapy or counseling because I consider psychology a soft science. I would tend to steer him to self-help books first but if that doesn't put him on the right path he will need to spin the wheel on therapy. If he doesn't repair this he's in for a very tough emotional ride the rest of his life. Best Wishes 1
PRW Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Just get away from him and find a real guy with real potential that you could have a real life with. Do you really think this guy is capable of giving you a a great life with, a great well cared for and supported family, a nice house with a "white picket fence", and live happily ever after? It's not gonna happen. You'll be lucky if you don't end up homeless.
smackie9 Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 My father-in law is the same way and it's a pretty serious thing. Your BF can't just "fix this" he does need therapy. He needs to unlearn this behavior, and retrain his brain ....that can take years. 1
Kelliousme Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 You're absolutely right that in a healthy relationship you should be happy when your SO is happy. I don't think you should settle for anything less than that... it's like the bare minimum. I Agree with everyone here. He needs help and he DEFINITELY should not be in a relationship if he thinks this way. It's not healthy and it's not good for you. I have no idea how you're still going out with a guy like this. I get that you see he's trying but it's just not good enough. Especially when you guys are getting into arguments because he's not happy that you're happy. Please, leave him if you love yourself and want to be happy. 1
elaine567 Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 boyfriend doesn't like seeing me happy Correction: my ex doesn't like seeing me happy This guy will take you down and down and down, until you are so unhappy you will not be able to leave him. Get out whilst you still can. He has issues you cannot solve. Find a man who is a happy guy and who loves to see you happy too. 2
kendahke Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 (edited) He says he'll try to fix it, but he also says that it is just part of him. I do believe he is changing or trying to change. If you believe that, then why are you complaining about it? That's a mixed message you're sending. He isn't fixing anything. He's lulling you back into a stupor with those words to get you off his back until the next time you express joy/humor about something and he's triggered and set off. He's said in his own words, basically, "This is who I am and I'm not changing" and it's true because it keeps on happening, amiright? So either you find a way to be happy and content with him landing on your head and crushing your joy or you quit making excuses for staying with someone so stunted. My view on this is that whenever people are in a relationship, they should be happy if the other person is happy, right? No. Every person has a right to the range of emotions and feelings about whatever. Your job is to pick a guy who isn't emotionally stunted in the first place and second, one who is open to real and consistent change in his behavior. THis guy ain't that guy--and you can lie to yourself til times get better about what you believe, but in the end, what you believe isn't actually what's going on. Personally, I want my boyfriend to be happy, even if it wasn't by me, and I'd be happy for him. You and your boyfriend are completely different people, born of completely different parents, with completely different life experiences growing up. He's not your emotional clone. Something he hasn't dealt with gets triggered when your attention is on something joyful and you express that joy and until he goes into therapy to fix that, he's not changing in any meaningful way. It's your youth to waste behind someone who needs this much work just to act right. Edited July 19, 2019 by kendahke 1
Redhead14 Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 My view on this is that whenever people are in a relationship, they should be happy if the other person is happy, right? I think couples don't need to depend on each other for happiness. Yes, both do bring happiness for one another, but it shouldn't be depending on one another... Personally, I want my boyfriend to be happy, even if it wasn't by me, and I'd be happy for him. So what are you going to do to support your viewpoint -- accept something that is the complete opposite or try to change/educate him on relationship dynamics? He's immature at best. Send him home to his parents so they can finish the job they started. And, if they haven't been good role models for him in terms of modeling relationship dynamics, you don't want to be his teacher. If you're young, you don't have the skill set to take that role on anyway although it appears that some of the groundwork is there and your parents did a better job maybe. 1
malaiyas Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 It sets a pretty toxic precedent that he seems to believe he should be the sole source of your happiness. I mean, that's really putting a lot of pressure on himself, isn't it? He should be the only thing in life that makes you laugh and smile? This is toxic. Just think of all the other areas of your life that he will seek to isolate you from...
preraph Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Well, you know, that pretty much says it all. He doesn't want you to be happy. He likes you best miserable. What on earth are you keeping that downer around for???
Versacehottie Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 This sounds like a familiar tale. Does he also do messed up things financially? Either way, if you feel abused, you need to take action. It won’t get better.
spiderowl Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Yes your boyfriend should, on the whole, be happy for you. He might have other feelings, like fear if you are happy talking to another guy instead of him - some jealousy is natural perhaps. But, there was something about this that really bothered me. If your boyfriend does not get help for his jealous feelings, then you may well want to leave him. When you do, how is he going to take that? People who are so wrapped up with their partners that they get jealous so much are not likely to take well to being dumped. I do not say this to put you off dumping him, just to say you need to be aware that this could become a dangerous situation. What do you know about his past relationships? How have they ended? Has he ever had a restraining order against him? Some (extremely jealous) guys come to the conclusion that 'if I can't have her, nobody will'. Some have stalked and/or murdered their partners or exes, determined that their exes will not have someone else instead of them. I think you need to know more about your boyfriend's background and he needs to get help for his jealousy. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 Dump this guy immediately. I'm sorry, this relationship cannot work if you can't enjoy my happiness. I need to end this immediately. I laugh and I love to have and I cannot have someone criticize me for feeling good. Not once. So this has to end now. And do NOT negotiate. Get out. He will promise to change, but this is nuts behavior--he won't be able to change without, as others have said, doing some deep psychological work on himself as in therapy., Just as a reference point, I get a high out of friends who achieve big goals ... even if I'm not having such success in my life. On the other side, I have literally cheered up close friends by telling them about good news and happiness I'm experiencing. Literally, this can cheer them up. They feel great that I'm happy and they feel inspired as well. Same with me. Close friends telling me about a great thing in their lives actually makes me feel better. This guy can't appreciate your happiness and he's a romantic partner ... oh he has to go.
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