JEG88 Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 You don't want to walk through life anticipating or worrying or thinking I'm talking to a woman in a gym (a public place with people all around) ... oh s**t, she (other woman) is watching. I have to fix this and clear up any misconceptions. Dude that is prison. Really do you want to date someone who makes faces? Seriously? Worrying about someone else seeing you "talking" to someone ... that's middle school or elementary school. You want to date someone who has enough confidence to not freak out over you being seen interacting with another woman. And you want to have enough confidence and prudence to avoid dating someone without such confidence. She's way too much in your head. Lose her. I agree with this on so many levels. I used to workout together with my ex, and she would give me the cold shoulder every time she thought I was looking at someone else. It seeped into my mind every day, and I felt like I was constantly being watched like some conspiracy and had to avoid any semblance of misconception. OP, from experience I would advise against getting more involved with her.
Author harnold Posted July 25, 2019 Author Posted July 25, 2019 I tried texting her a funny "you wouldn't believe this" story as I haven't seen her since last week, and she was very dry in her response. At this point, I'll prob try to ask her out if I see her at gym tomorrow but our schedules are changing as of next week so I prob wont see her until September. As such, if I don't see her tomorrow I guess that's that. Bummer, but at least I'll get some closure to this whole situation (either a "yes lets hang out", "no I cant hang out", or no more seeing her until September) Apparently my friends tell me you need to be cautious of how many girls you talk to at the gym (even if platonically) as people will always just look and make their own stereotypes regardless of what reality is. I do have a few girls I say hi/talk to at the gym, but for the record most of my relationships with them are very cursory.
frus69 Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 If she's attracted but is afraid to date you because you are attractive hence possibly a player, then she's insecure, uptight and quick to judge. If she got spooked/jealous/pissed/turned off just because you talked to a hot girl, then she's insecure at best. Possibly controlling too
frus69 Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 (edited) Apparently my friends tell me you need to be cautious of how many girls you talk to at the gym (even if platonically) as people will always just look and make their own stereotypes regardless of what reality is. I do have a few girls I say hi/talk to at the gym, but for the record most of my relationships with them are very cursory. I never judge guys based on how many girls he talks to. (just talking, not flirting right) In fact I now think it's good if a guy can be just friends with girls. means he can control his penis. Do you really want a girl who is so insecure that she cant handle the fact that you are popular? That she will quick to judge you are a player just because girls talk to you? If a guy doesnt like the fact that I talk to other guys, I stop dating him, not stop living my life and never talk to other guys. Edited July 25, 2019 by frus69
Author harnold Posted July 25, 2019 Author Posted July 25, 2019 I never judge guys based on how many girls he talks to. (just talking, not flirting right) In fact I now think it's good if a guy can be just friends with girls. means he can control his penis. Do you really want a girl who is so insecure that she cant handle the fact that you are popular? That she will quick to judge you are a player just because girls talk to you? If a guy doesnt like the fact that I talk to other guys, I stop dating him, not stop living my life and never talk to other guys. How do you define flirting? Some of my convos are long and the girls are clearly reactive (I'm sure a few of them like me)... but most of em I never follow up with outside the gym. Maybe 3 this past year. But again, I think people stereotype, as going off physical appearance I could see why people might judge otherwise. (again, combined with the initial douchey jokes I initially make lol) I appreciate your mature response, and I like to think I'm the same way with the girls I date, but it does seem like many girls I talk to dont share your secure mindset.
frus69 Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 (edited) By flirting I mean conversations and actions with romantic interest or sexual innuendo. If I were her, I'd be proud that I have a hot guy's attention and they dont. But if you would flirt with them, or flirt back with them, I may get insecure. Again, flirt here means you talk to them in a way that shows you are romantically interested. But I have to say, I dont know many girls that would judge a guy because he looks good. I think it is possible she wasnt that attracted to you in the beginning and you read her wrong. Or something else has turned her off, not necessarily talking to other girls. Edited July 25, 2019 by frus69
Author harnold Posted July 25, 2019 Author Posted July 25, 2019 But I have to say, I dont know many girls that would judge a guy because he looks good. I think it is possible she wasnt that attracted to you in the beginning and you read her wrong. Or something else has turned her off, not necessarily talking to other girls. I suppose that’s always possible, although I do think she likes me. I don’t think that looks would be the sole cause... my guess, again, is the whole douchey vibe combined w the whole other girls thing In other words, just because a girl is attracted to you and reactive to you, doesn’t necessarily mean she trusts you. That’s the way I interpret it. Def gotta work on toning down the vibe for the future
elaine567 Posted July 25, 2019 Posted July 25, 2019 A woman is not wrong for seeing a flirty guy is a guy that she cannot trust. Flirting with others, is one of the personality traits that is highly associated with cheating. Most women who are interested in a guy want to be seen as special to him, they tend not to like to see him chatting up other girls and humiliating her...
OnlyHonesty Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Idk if im reading too far into this but here goes: Theres a girl from the gym who I like. Met her in May, we talk at the gym, exchanged numbers, I tried to make plans but she was “busy”. I know she’s attracted to me, but I also think she views me as some player dude and was a bit apprehensive to hang out (to be fair, I can be a douche sometimes esp when I just meet someone… call it a defense mechanism) Anyway, I laid low for a while, and we recently started talking again. I’ve been more open around her (less douchey/more open/vulnerable), and she’s responded very favorably, and differently than before… even hinting towards plans. I had planned on asking her out again next time I saw her (I dont like text invites). Anyway, today, she saw another girl talking to me (who is younger and very attractive, but who ive known for years as a friend), and I’m not so sure how the girl I like responded to this. She kept walking past us, not looking, and working out in front of us and glaring at us (which she never does). I waved to her later and she gave me a somewhat b*tchy smile/look, and I tried to catch her on her way out but she blew me off. I could tell she was a bit nervous too. I’m sure I’m reading too far into this, but there was prob a tad of jealousy at play. Should I assure her next time I see her that this girl is “just a friend”? (The girl I like did something similar a few weeks ago when I saw her talking to another dude, and she came up to me after and explained how that guy that approached her was “just a friend”) Is this bad? Could it be good? Fixed? Am I just nutty? Thoughts please! Go ahead...classic nice guy mistake. Like it or not, most women, on some level judge a man by how many other women also find him attractive. Go explain and kill the tension.....it should make for a more boring connection. You can guarantee you're not the only guy she has her eye on.....I can't even believe what I'm reading! assure her? Really? 1
mortensorchid Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 High school nonsense? Life is like an episode of Gossip Girl except everyone's old and fat and poor. Ha ha ha ... But seriously, if you like the first girl at all, go and approach her. If she asks about the second, say she's just a friend. No reason to make things more complicated than they really are.
GoreSP Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Good job toning down the douchy vibe lol That being said, her reaction to you talking to another woman at this point (you are, after all, NOT dating' is sketchy, almost passive aggressive. Go ahead and ask her out, but thread lightly. These behaviours seem silly and innocent at first but eventually become issues in a relationship. Do you want to be with someone you will get jealous as soon as you talk to another woman?
GoreSP Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 A woman is not wrong for seeing a flirty guy is a guy that she cannot trust. Flirting with others, is one of the personality traits that is highly associated with cheating. Most women who are interested in a guy want to be seen as special to him, they tend not to like to see him chatting up other girls and humiliating her... This works only if he was actually flirting with the other girl (s). Not if he was just talking to her... There are so many variables here. Are they both flirting? Is she flirting but he's standing there with his arms crossed looking distant? The non-verbal is SO important here, and obviously, we are missing this part.
elaine567 Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 ...There are so many variables here. Are they both flirting? Is she flirting but he's standing there with his arms crossed looking distant? The non-verbal is SO important here, and obviously, we are missing this part. If he was standing there with his arms crossed looking uninterested and distant the other girl would not have got upset with him. Yes "women" tend to like a guy who is attractive to other women, they tend not to like a guy who is chatting up another women under her nose...
GoreSP Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 If he was standing there with his arms crossed looking uninterested and distant the other girl would not have got upset with him. Yes "women" tend to like a guy who is attractive to other women, they tend not to like a guy who is chatting up another women under her nose... TONS of women get jealous and some would get upset in this situation. And that’s my point. His version could be different for hers, their interpretaion of the conversation could be different. Hard to tell when we weren’t there... 1
Recommended Posts