Guy with lack of imagination- should I drop him?

[Redhead14]

And, why would a guy have a romantic dinner planned for a first or second date? He likely hasn't even decided that he "feels" romantic toward the woman yet. I mean, the romancing starts when it's clear that the connection is good, etc. Why spend a ton of money on someone you don't even know yet or not even sure you want to see again yet.

 

I think I'd feel odd sitting down to candles and champagne, etc. on a first or second date with a new guy. I'd be feeling like he's moving too fast probably.

 

A casual dinner at a comfortable place with a little wine or a couple of drinks, nice music, nice conversation is just fine. I want to get to know the guy, not fleece him.

[gaius]

gaius, perhaps they are living my my city. I can't begin to imagine being about to do to an elegant, candle lit dinner for $100. One bottle of wine is going to be $50 to start with.

 

To give context to my comment, cheap Thai would be $40. Bring our own wine.

We just had a couple of glasses but they had cheaper bottles on the menu than 50 dollars. I guess maybe that's the price difference between America and Australia. I've seen similar 100 dollar price tags in other big cities.

 

Now if navy isn't satisfied with anything other than a 200 dollar bottle of wine with dinner OK, that's a high expectation, but I don't think a 100-150 dollar dinner when you're really interested in a woman, where you can talk in an intimate and romantic setting is completely out of line.

[Curiousroxy86]

I do think some standards I read on here are so petty but I am sure others think the same way about mine that I unapologetically will not loosen lol

 

Op i personally wouldn’t hold it against the guy if he didn’t offer to take me where I wanted to go. I also wouldn’t hold it against a guy if he asked me what I want to do and I also think it’s the perfect opportunity to let a guy know what you want/like. I also will speak up if the place of date a guy offers is too wack. I will not agree to coffee dates as a first date. I will give a counter offer “would you be open to meet for drinks instead” because drinks at a restaurant has a more romantic ambiance to me then a coffee date. So to me I don’t see these as reasons to throw a guy away personally.

 

But if that’s your standard knock yourself out

 

In dating you have to be okay with your results. You have to be okay with what you bring on and what you filter out. If you think you can find a man that is good to you (assuming that is also one of your standards), that your attracted to, and willing to wine and dine you at the beginning and whatever other standards you may have well stick to them and see how it works for you. You may get lucky.

 

However

 

I just think it’s wise for a person to really evaluate those standards that are truly must haves versus those standards that are wants but not must haves so they can ensure they have a greater chance with someone that’s good for them and can really make them happy and not filter people out over something that’s really not important. Just have to determine if this is reaaaaaally important to you or not.

 

Good luck

[Shining One]

So if I guy has little imagination now, is it going to get better over time?

So if a woman puts in no little to no effort now, is it going to get better over time?

[Blanco]

Whether it's accurate or not, putting out there that you expect extravagant dates early on will be a red flag to many men that you're a gold-digger. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the finer things, but expecting them to be part of the very early dating process is probably going to make some good guys think twice.

 

Also, I've come to believe that if you shoot down someone's idea, you'd better have something better than "I don't know" in mind to replace it.

[Flame Aura]

Firstly you already had you 'chat and get to know each other' coffee date. Personally I would never take a woman for a coffee on a first date (would always be dinner, more romantic).

 

 

For the second date he wanted to do something a bit different, if you wanted to have the dinner date you could have just said 'How about dinner instead?' when he asked what would you like to do. Nothing wrong with that.

[Interstellar]

Anything wrong with it? I happen to like candlelit dinners and nice restaurants. Is that evil or wrong?

 

I also happen to not care for unimaginative men. If he can't think of a fun activity, he's probably a bore in bedroom too.

 

There’s nothing wrong with candlelit dinners. I happen to enjoy it especially after a power outage or something...hehe, kidding. Well, on the first few dates and you’re not official yet, it’s too much. Bowling or billiards where you’re doing something, and there’s a nice restaurant next to it should be fine.

[schlumpy]

A tool is what you make of it and OLD is a tool but this situation does absolutely nothing to dispel my negative feelings towards it. In my mind, this outcome seems typical as to compared to the happy endings you hear about.

Edited July 19, 2019 by schlumpy

[RecentChange]

The last time I took a woman to a really nice restaurant (my wife, New Orleans) the bill ran me a little over 100 bucks. And that was with appetizers, main course, dessert and wine. Not sure where this 350 dollar figure is coming from.

 

I live in San Francisco. Add a bottle of wine, it’s real easy to get to $350. If it’s an exclusive spot, even more.

 

$100 buys a dinner for two at a mediocre place (certainly not candle lit) with a glass of wine each.

Edited July 19, 2019 by RecentChange

[Versacehottie]

Yes regarding the price of dinner in metro city areas with drinks it's probably at least $200 plus. $350 is true for a nice restaurant. Yes, in New Orleans too which has lots of romantic dinner places.

 

lol, I can't even get out of CPK sometimes without spending $100 for two if drinks are involved.

 

Back to the OP's stated problem. I absolutely agree with the person who said it would have been a great opportunity to teach him what sorts of things you like. I think the comedy club was a creative enough date (and not cheap if you are concerned about how much he is spending). Why not know what this guy thinks is funny? Also you might want to know how he flows naturally, that shows you real compatibility. If he's the one you will be doing a variety of things together including romantic dinners.

[Trail Blazer]

Drop him and do him a favor. You sound like an entitled brat. I don't have that much sympathy for him, though. I mean, anyone who has the kind of they expect to be taken on written in their profile would instantly raise red flags for me. Next him and find the next schmuck.

[Els]

Wow, talk about entitled. How on earth is he supposed to know what you want if you won't communicate like an adult?

[d0nnivain]

He invites me to a comedy club, which is fine for later dates, but in the beginning I'd like to be at a place where we can have a conversation and get to know each other further. I expressed my thoughts on that to him. To which his response was, "where would you like to go then?"

 

He offered a comedy club. You didn't like that & spoke up. He then asked "where do you want to go?" & your response is to get all annoyed, calling him unimaginative & consider dumping him. OMG! Are you kidding?

 

This guy may be the most creative person in the world. You don't know that because you don't know him. Here in this context after he came up with what HE thought was a fun date: filed with laughs where you have to sit very close to one another in the dark, sharing a tiny table, where you have to lean in to speak to one another while there (sounds pretty romantic to me). You balked & he offered to accommodate you. Instead of picking a middle of the road romantic setting that would be about the same price as the comedy show, you decided to have a tantrum. You expect the guy to read your mind. You make disparaging comments about what you think he'll be like in bed. . . ugh. Based solely on what you wrote, my prediction is that you come across as a selfish, entitled diva not a loving GF.

 

You will be single for a long time if you keep this up.

 

You would have been better off graciously accepting the comedy show date, grabbing a romantic drink or coffee afterwards & then going out for the style of date you prefer as date 3 on your dime.

Edited July 19, 2019 by d0nnivain

[gaius]

I guess I luck out since I don't drink and don't usually date women who drink more than a glass or two with dinner, but yeah, you can get a great meal at a nice place in most metro areas for 100-150. If you're not going to go crazy with alcohol.

 

Now if navy decides to come back and complain that he only bought a 50 dollar bottle of wine instead of that nice 175 dollar one people might have a point. But you don't really have to spend that much.

[basil67]

but I don't think a 100-150 dollar dinner when you're really interested in a woman, where you can talk in an intimate and romantic setting is completely out of line.

 

What if she expects it every fortnight? (not saying the OP does, but if it's on her profile as something she enjoys, I'm guessing she wants more than birthdays and anniversary)

[d0nnivain]

What if she expects it every fortnight?

 

Going out to nice dinners & expecting to be taken on that kind of date is fine. It's only intolerable if the person expecting that type of dinner can't afford to purchase it for themselves as often as they like but then expects somebody else to foot the bill.

 

I love fancy restaurants. DH & I probably eat in an expensive place with a bottle of wine at least once per week or at least every other week. We travel extensively & when away from home eating out like that every night is not unheard of but we are frugal in other ways. However on our 1st date he took me to what I considered a cheap place. At the time he thought it was a nice place. I picked the restaurant on our 2nd date & I paid. I characterized it as a bistro which it was but when he saw that my idea of a casual place for lunch included white table clothes he soon realized that the place he picked was not my usual. Years later he said that it made him like me more because I didn't raise a fuss about his choice even though it clearly fell below my standards.

 

That is the part that the OP doesn't get. She is not being gracious toward this new man who is trying. It wasn't the OPs preference that irked me but how she expressed her prefernce & more importantly her disparagement of some guy she barely knows for not reading her mind.

[Inspire]

28 Y.O. Male perspective here:

 

He is failing in his duty as a MAN to lead the interaction. If he doesn’t take accountability to make plans and take you on a fun date, then he is not doing a good job at dating and courting you.

 

A guy should never ask a girl out, then say “well uh what do you wanna do?” Or anything along those lines.

 

Date someone who takes initiative, takes charge, and let’s you just show up pretty and nice and enjoy a fun date/evening.

 

Accountability? He failed at his duty to lead the interaction? He asked her out and had a plan, she didn't like the plan so to appease her he asked if she had something in mind. Did you even read?

[Timshel]

I live in San Francisco. Add a bottle of wine, it’s real easy to get to $350. If it’s an exclusive spot, even more.

 

$100 buys a dinner for two at a mediocre place (certainly not candle lit) with a glass of wine each.

 

The name of the restaurant is GW Fins in New Orleans and the food/ambience was very enjoyable. My husband doesn't drink so I had a glass or two of white which was probably house wine but very good.

I didn't know until now the bill but we had a romantic dinner and very much recommend Fins.

 

I agree with other posters that expecting an expensive dinner with a virtual stranger seems OTT...but if it's in your profile, the men responding know what they are signing up for, hypothetically.

 

If a suggestion for a date at a venue that you are not interested OP, then suggest something that is. If both of you are not able to enjoy each other's company with a walk in the park, it doesn't bode well for compatibility in the long run anyway. Expensive/fancy dinners are the frosting, not the cake.

[elaine567]

I guess he chose the comedy club as that is where he wanted to go and spend the evening.

He maybe finds restaurants boring and unimaginative... not everyone wants to sit in a formal restaurant with someone they hardly know for hours...

Great if you are a foodie or someone who likes that kind of a thing.

The guy made an effort and you blew him out of the water, that wasn't particularly kind of you.

[Rocker71]

The existence of your own preferences does not render other people's preferences BORING or UNIMAGINATIVE just because they're different from yours. What you want isn't BAD, but it's also not in any way objectively better or less boring than the dates he's already suggested.

 

You're looking for reasons to next this guy - just do it. It's an at-will dating market out there. You don't need to give reason or notice.

 

You should do him a favor and drop him.

.

[Tristian]

Nah, not looking for a sugar daddy. Moving along.

 

 

With that and no updates from the OP we'll call this one done. Thanks everyone for your input.