Guy with lack of imagination- should I drop him?

[basil67]

I didn't realise you were wanting the romantic restaurants so early in. Romantic restaurants are nice for anniversaries and birthdays, but they are expensive...especially for a guy who barely knows you yet.

 

If you want this stuff frequently, I agree that you need to find a sugar daddy type arrangement. Even if you're looking for men who can afford it on paper, guys who have money have it because they are careful with how they spend.

 

Don't romantic candlelit dinners get boring if you do them often?

[Versacehottie]

Well I would really like to be asked to a romantic restaurant with candles (it even says it on my profile, for pete’s sake!) but since he is doing the inviting, it’s not really my place. Is it so hard to think of a place to have a conversation with each other?

 

If you wanted to really address the "i want to get to know him and talk more with each other" part, all you would have to do is add going to get a drink or dessert or something like that either before or after. Any of those could be romantic places, all you have to do is know some and suggest. He sounds like he is willing.

 

I think if you expect guys to be mind readers (or over the top romantic like a movie) you will probably be disappointed and/or end up with some guys that are disappointing otherwise. In other words, a lot of the guys that will take you to really romantic places, especially this early, don't really have it going on necessarily. It's like the location and ambiance will rig this person into someone you want him to be but it's manipulating it a bit, i.e. it'd be a false sense of romance most likely with a guy just divorced 6 months ago and on a 3rd date. Real romance you can get in any location with the right person. It's a moment not a place.

[basil67]

I am content but do abhor routine.

 

Long term relationships do generally involve routine. Even moreso when children come along. I know one couple who work their way around world together all year round....but for the rest of us, life is routine.

[stillafool]

Probably when the guy said "I have a lot to offer" he was talking about his penis and OP didn't pick up on that.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't think a comedy club lacks imagination or is a bad second date. There is still time to chat in comedy clubs and you'll get a good idea of his sense of humor by the things he laughs at. Just my opinion, though.

[basil67]

Probably when the guy said "I have a lot to offer" he was talking about his penis and OP didn't pick up on that.

 

Oh, I didn't think about that! Perhaps this will get the OP past her need for romantic restaurants

[preraph]

28 Y.O. Male perspective here:

 

He is failing in his duty as a MAN to lead the interaction. If he doesn’t take accountability to make plans and take you on a fun date, then he is not doing a good job at dating and courting you.

 

A guy should never ask a girl out, then say “well uh what do you wanna do?” Or anything along those lines.

 

Date someone who takes initiative, takes charge, and let’s you just show up pretty and nice and enjoy a fun date/evening.

 

I have to say that except for the first date or two, I am going to want to have some say in what we're doing or where we're going. I mean, he can't read my mind. I have dated guys who never wanted to eat anywhere except McDonald's. So I do think, once you're past the first couple of dates, it would be considerate to ask if the woman had any preferences, like whether they wanted to go do something active or something lazy, or both of you try to agree on what food you're in the mood for, just like you do with your platonic friends.

 

But early on, it's important to see what the guy is like, plus he's paying and probably isn't going to place where to eat into a strange woman's hands, especially if it's someone from online dating, because there are too many women who would say "lobster," when he can't afford it.

 

Dating should be a tool to get to know someone, but that road does go both ways. You don't want to boss a guy around and make them go where you want without first seeing what they will do if it's left up to them, or at least leave it up to them periodically just to see if you have enough in common. And he should leave it up to you sometimes. And you should help him pay if you run up a huge tab, ladies.

[preraph]

The guy probably saves the fancy romantic dinner restaurant a woman he knows he's going to be with in a relationship. Most men are not going to drop $350 on some woman they just met.

 

Only an idiot would. Even a rich guy for whom money is no object would be foolish to do so because it would just attract golddiggers.

[gaius]

She put what she wants right in her profile. He doesn't have to be a mind reader, just read the profile. It's right there for him and instead he's acting like a chicken with its head cut off. Loser.

 

There's nothing wrong with having standards navy but you have to keep in mind the pool of men who know what they're doing is tiny and shrinking by the day. It might be a tough slog to find one.

[gaius]

Only an idiot would. Even a rich guy for whom money is no object would be foolish to do so because it would just attract golddiggers.

I've always spent a lot on dates right off the bat, but I've also always known by the time we actually went on a date that I was really interested in this person. I knew my wife was something special before we laid actual eyes on each other. It's not that hard to filter out who you don't really click with before you actually go meet them in person. So you don't waste a ton of money on something that's going nowhere.

 

That way when you do end up on a date you can show her your A game and make her feel special, instead of some next try on an assembly line you can't even bring yourself to spend more than a cup of coffee on.

[Kitty Tantrum]

You're allowed to have whatever standards you like.

 

But if you want a man who knows how to make good decisions, don't balk if he makes you prove that you're WORTH a romantic candlelit dinner before extending that invitation.

 

Men should have standards, too.

 

Income-based selection is fine. But don't expect the rest of us to build up a narrative for you that makes it look like that's not what you're doing, by doing mental gymnastics to paint a low-key but totally normal and fun date as somehow QUALITATIVELY LESSER than the most dried up cliché but expensive date ever. Boring? Unimaginative?

 

Boring and unimaginative is reading the preferences listed in your profile as a dictate of what your first date is supposed to be. Boring and unimaginative is. forking. candlelit. dinners. YAWN.

 

You're upset that he's not ponying up to impress you the way you want to be impressed. Call it what it is. No reason not to.

[BJP1991]

First up, a guy who says "I have a lot to offer" out loud is full of himself.

 

Spot on!

 

Anyone who has to literally say things to try to validate him/herself to another automatically is not whatever they claim to be, in my opinion. Specifically when trying to “toot one’s own horn” so to say.

 

 

OP: Next this clown. So many cool dudes out there who will show you a good time without you having to guide him/point him in the right direction. Way too many people on this earth to try to force something with someone who you have enough doubts with to make a post asking total strangers if you should next him or not.

 

You already know the answer.

[preraph]

"I have a lot to offer" doesn't mean necessarily money. It can mean he regards himself as ethical and hard working, physically fit and good in bed.

[alphamale]

Most men are not going to drop $350 on some woman they just met.

 

they will for a hooker/call girl/escort

[Kitty Tantrum]

Man says he has a lot to offer = douchebag, full of himself.

 

Woman feels entitled to candlelit dinner at fancy restaurant for FIRST DATES = good standards.

 

???

 

 

I mean, okay, the guy might be full of himself. But we don't know that because he's not the person who is posting here sounding all full of himself.

 

tl;dr: drop him AND the false premise.

Edited July 18, 2019 by Kitty Tantrum

[preraph]

Just because she put in her profile she likes romantic restaurants with candlelight doesn't mean that's for the early dates. That is really for after you ARE romantic, don't you think? I wouldn't think by reading it that it was a golddigging kind of thing, but now I'm thinking it actually might have been.

[RecentChange]

OP, do you meet many men who live up to your expectations?

 

$350 meals for second dates - do all the planning, are “imaginative “ enough to wow you, are interested in you as a person etc?

 

Just curious, can YOU afford to pay for expensive dinners for two? Would you be willing to spend that much on a second date (practically strangers)?

 

I don’t know..... maybe this all works for you (but if it did, I have to wonder why you are still dating). But it seems fairly unreasonable to me.

 

I make a good living, but I imagine if I was a single man, I wouldn’t be too eager to drop that kinda cash on a woman who didn’t seem like she wasn’t that into me.

 

And if the comedy show idea put you off that much - you just aren’t into him. I don’t know why he should be investing more in you.

[emeraldgreen]

Well I would really like to be asked to a romantic restaurant with candles (it even says it on my profile, for pete’s sake!) but since he is doing the inviting, it’s not really my place. Is it so hard to think of a place to have a conversation with each other?

 

You haven't earned that. Do him a favour and end it. Tell him it's an early Christmas present from a princess.

[stillafool]

they will for a hooker/call girl/escort

 

True! But they would be getting more than a bad attitude also.

[Versacehottie]

I wonder if you’ve ever considered the good guys who are put off by your declaration of needing romantic dinners and pass you up?

[Woggle]

You have the right to your standards but if I were single I would never drop that kind of money on a woman unless we were in an exclusive and committed relationship. Maybe that makes me cheap and lacking an imagination but I know it would never make me broke.

[Redhead14]

If this guy isn't dating you in a way that suits you "organically", then he's not a good match for you plain and simple. There isn't anything necessarily wrong with him, he's just not as romantic as you'd like. You don't like his style . . . move on. He's not a mind-reader either. I don't understand the heavy-handedness of your criticism.

[Sam2020]

Wow, lots of great points already!

 

Yuck, anyone who states that they have "a lot to offer" on an OLD site or to me on a first date would be a TOTAL turn off!

 

Nothing wrong with enjoying a candle lit dinner, but come on now, that's NOT being creative at all. I think taking you to a comedy club was more creative than a typical "candle-lit" dinner. But would have been even better to go out for a candle lit drink and dessert or hors d'euvrdes afterwards. Perhaps your disappointment stems more from his not doing the standard nice dinner thing and being more creative than the norm.

 

I think you're already turned off by his choices and you need to move on to someone who likes to do standard fancy dinner thing.

[gaius]

The last time I took a woman to a really nice restaurant (my wife, New Orleans) the bill ran me a little over 100 bucks. And that was with appetizers, main course, dessert and wine. Not sure where this 350 dollar figure is coming from.

[basil67]

gaius, perhaps they are living my my city. I can't begin to imagine being about to do to an elegant, candle lit dinner for $100. One bottle of wine is going to be $50 to start with.

 

To give context to my comment, cheap Thai would be $40. Bring our own wine.

Edited July 19, 2019 by basil67