Guy with lack of imagination- should I drop him?

[Navybluegal]

Met a guy online - divorced for 6 months but says has been dating a lot since. Says he is picky because he has "a lot to bring to the table". Whatever.

 

Went out on the first date to Starbucks which is totally fine given the online dating circumstances. After he asked me out again, I said yes.

 

He invites me to a comedy club, which is fine for later dates, but in the beginning I'd like to be at a place where we can have a conversation and get to know each other further. I expressed my thoughts on that to him. To which his response was, "where would you like to go then?"

 

Well, I don't exactly want to be doing the planning/asking role at this stage. Seems like he has no imagination whatsoever, and it concerns me as I'm deathly afraid of the boring routine/dynamic once in a relationship, so if he is out of ideas even for the second date, it's concerning to me.

 

Thoughts?

[Michelle ma Belle]

To be honest, you sound like a bit of a diva.

 

Granted, perhaps a comedy club setting isn't the most creative or appropriate place for a second date in YOUR eyes if only because it would be hard to have a conversation but that doesn't mean he's a complete lost cause or someone without imagination - Geeez.

 

You expressed your disappointment and he did the right thing and asked you what you'd like to do. You know why? Because he doesn't know you yet!

Most women would go with the flow and make the best of the situation. He tried to ask you what things you'd like to do rather than risk another scolding from you.

 

Give the guy a break for heaven's sake.

 

You didn't seem all that happy with the coffee date either for the first meeting which begs me to ask the same question he did; where would you have wanted to go...first and second date?

Edited July 18, 2019 by Michelle ma Belle

[Navybluegal]

To be honest, you sound like a bit of a diva.

 

Granted, perhaps a comedy club setting isn't the most creative or appropriate place for a second date in YOUR eyes if only because it would be hard to have a conversation but that doesn't mean he's a complete lost cause or someone without imagination - Geeez.

 

You expressed your disappointment and he did the right thing and asked you what you'd like to do. You know why? Because he doesn't know you yet!

Most women would go with the flow and make the best of the situation. He at least was trying to find something you'd prefer doing rather than risk another scolding.

 

Give the guy a break for heaven's sake.

 

You didn't seem all that happy with the coffee date either for the first meeting which begs me to ask the same question he did; where would you have wanted to go...first and second date?

 

 

Well I would really like to be asked to a romantic restaurant with candles (it even says it on my profile, for pete’s sake!) but since he is doing the inviting, it’s not really my place. Is it so hard to think of a place to have a conversation with each other?

[Michelle ma Belle]

Well I would really like to be asked to a romantic restaurant with candles (it even says it on my profile, for pete’s sake!) but since he is doing the inviting, it’s not really my place. Is it so hard to think of a place to have a conversation with each other?

 

Who says it's not your place to offer suggestions? If you don't like what he planned and then made a point of letting him know, you should at least offer some suggestions otherwise don't bother going out with him again.

[lurker74]

I have a second date coming up. Taking her to an improv show. But I specifically got tickets for the earlier show because I have plans to take her out afterward for a drink or six, where I hope to continue to conversation. Perhaps he thought laughing would lighten the mood.

 

But in direct response to your question, yes, you should drop him. Not because anything he did was wrong but because you now have a negative opinion of him and the likelihood that he can ever turn that around is slim or none, and i think I saw slim packing his bags.

[Kitty Tantrum]

I've always thought that the whole "romantic restaurant with candles" thing is more appropriate for things like anniversaries or marriage proposals. Wanting that on a first or second date is a bit much, IMO.

 

It's also the absolute antithesis of imaginative/creative. Much more cliché than a comedy club.

[Navybluegal]

So if I guy has little imagination now, is it going to get better over time?

[lurker74]

So if I guy has little imagination now, is it going to get better over time?

 

In your mind, no. You've had three people now tell you that it isn't that bad and maybe you're being hard on the guy but a romantic dinner is hardly more imaginative than a comedy club. Let the guy go find someone else please.

[stillafool]

He is probably thinking the same thing about you. This is 2019 and men no longer have to do all the work. If you wanted to go to a fancy restaurant instead of the comedy show maybe you should have suggested the one you had in mind, invited him there and paid.

[Michelle ma Belle]

So you're chastising him for not being imaginative enough right out of the gates and don't think it's YOUR place to offer a suggestion to help him out yet you basically spoon feed visitors to your profile by letting them know you want a candle-lit dinner...

[Navybluegal]

So you're chastising him for not being imaginative enough right out of the gates and don't think it's YOUR place to offer a suggestion to help him out yet you basically spoon feed visitors to your profile by letting them know you want a candle-lit dinner...

 

 

Anything wrong with it? I happen to like candlelit dinners and nice restaurants. Is that evil or wrong?

 

I also happen to not care for unimaginative men. If he can't think of a fun activity, he's probably a bore in bedroom too.

[preraph]

I think you're being controlling. Feel free to invite him to a romantic dinner and pay for it yourself if he doesn't get around to it, but I just don't see how going to a comedy club is any more restricting and probably less so than a movie date, which is a pretty typical early date. You are rolling your eyes at him saying he's picky, but you're being awfully picky yourself. You date to see what a person is like, not to start trying to mold them into who you wish they were.

[alphamale]

what about women's lib?

[BJP1991]

28 Y.O. Male perspective here:

 

He is failing in his duty as a MAN to lead the interaction. If he doesn’t take accountability to make plans and take you on a fun date, then he is not doing a good job at dating and courting you.

 

A guy should never ask a girl out, then say “well uh what do you wanna do?” Or anything along those lines.

 

Date someone who takes initiative, takes charge, and let’s you just show up pretty and nice and enjoy a fun date/evening.

[Kitty Tantrum]

The existence of your own preferences does not render other people's preferences BORING or UNIMAGINATIVE just because they're different from yours. What you want isn't BAD, but it's also not in any way objectively better or less boring than the dates he's already suggested.

 

You're looking for reasons to next this guy - just do it. It's an at-will dating market out there. You don't need to give reason or notice.

[Kitty Tantrum]

A guy should never ask a girl out, then say “well uh what do you wanna do?” Or anything along those lines.

 

He only said that after the OP had the audacity to openly criticize the invitation he extended. He DID take initiative, OP is just haggling for a different date instead of the one he planned. I think that's crass. Decline a date you don't want to go on, by all means - but don't act like just because a guy wants to take you out, that's license to leverage the invitation into something totally different than what was extended.

 

ESPECIALLY not if you want a man who leads and takes initiative.

 

MAYBE if you're looking for a bootlicker.

[basil67]

First up, a guy who says "I have a lot to offer" out loud is full of himself.

 

Second, I think it's perfectly reasonable to say "I'd like to try X restaurant" when he asks for your input. Not doing so indicates a lack of teamwork on your part. Would you rather be single or an active part of a team?

[stillafool]

The guy probably saves the fancy romantic dinner restaurant a woman he knows he's going to be with in a relationship. Most men are not going to drop $350 on some woman they just met.

[Navybluegal]

28 Y.O. Male perspective here:

 

He is failing in his duty as a MAN to lead the interaction. If he doesn’t take accountability to make plans and take you on a fun date, then he is not doing a good job at dating and courting you.

 

A guy should never ask a girl out, then say “well uh what do you wanna do?” Or anything along those lines.

 

Date someone who takes initiative, takes charge, and let’s you just show up pretty and nice and enjoy a fun date/evening.

 

 

Thank you! What a refreshing, masculine perspective

[Navybluegal]

The guy probably saves the fancy romantic dinner restaurant a woman he knows he's going to be with in a relationship. Most men are not going to drop $350 on some woman they just met.

 

Actually, they do, and often. It's all about your standards.

[BluEyeL]

I don't know, but definitely a candlelit restaurant isn't a typical option for just a second date. Those break the bank. When you are someone's girlfriend you may expect that, but not at the freaking second date.

 

The only thing it bothered me about this guy is the fact that he said he has a lot to offer. The rest is all you, being unreasonable.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Actually, they do, and often. It's all about your standards.

 

Sounds like your standards score you a lot of expensive dates with men who don't stick around.

 

Maybe stick to the sugar dating websites?

[OnlyHonesty]

You won't find what you are looking for, and there will always be some reason to quit. I get the feeling that there is something else going on here. Are you content with life, and yourself in general?

[Navybluegal]

I am content but do abhor routine. That's what concerns me with this guy who ran out of ideas so quickly... I have plenty of fun date ideas myself, but don't want to be the instigator on the regular basis, so it's vital to establish the dynamic in the beginning of the relationship.

[Navybluegal]

Sounds like your standards score you a lot of expensive dates with men who don't stick around.

 

Maybe stick to the sugar dating websites?

 

Nah, not looking for a sugar daddy. Moving along.