twatwa123 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 I’m signed up to many... Ok Cupid Match Eharmony My single friend Tinder Pof I have paid for match and eharmony in the hope of finding someone but I will not be renewing any subscriptions. There are more men than women on the sites Women get at least dozens of messages while men get very few Very few matches across all sites The convos I do start soon end up being no more than a few messages long. I always try to personalise the messages On some sites you have to pay to send messages. This message might not get read because your match hasn’t also subscribed, and there is no way of filtering paid vs free users of sites when you do subscribe. So I am giving up. I have had one short relationship with a girl from a dating site. She was literally the only person to ever message me with decent convo. I think I’m better off looking for a partner in person. In short: if you’re an average looking bloke like me, don’t bother with online dating. It’s a scam. 2
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 Scam in a sense that they promise way too much....but the realization is, it's not a magic bullet to find someone. If you struggle to get dates irl, online isn't going to be much different. I agree meeting people irl is much better but you still have to have confidence and game or the ladies won't notice you. People have a misconception it's all about looks...well no it's not, most of it has to do with how you carry yourself, and how you present yourself. You can be hot as hell but if you have no personality or game, you can become the most unattractive guy out there. I have experienced that many times. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 Sorry your experience has been dismal. I think everyone experiences some level of frustration and/or disappointment when it comes to online so it's not just reserved for "average looking blokes". I think doing anything in real life is always better anyway. Good luck to you. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 What kind of women are you showing interest in online? If they're perfect 10s then yes, you'll have a lot of competition. You said you're average looking. Have you tried messaging average looking women? It seems like the majority of men online are only interested in the most attractive women, even men who are only average looking themselves. 1
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 If it makes you feel any better, my experience with online dating was equally dismal. Very few matches that I would consider. It is disheartening and I found it all rather stressful... it was not for me.
MaleIntuition Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 What kind of women are you showing interest in online? If they're perfect 10s then yes, you'll have a lot of competition. You said you're average looking. Have you tried messaging average looking women? It seems like the majority of men online are only interested in the most attractive women, even men who are only average looking themselves. No, OP is correct women are MUCH more selective than men on OLD and dating apps. On tinder: “Male users swipe right to 46% of potential matches, female swipe to 14%” And some other site: https://www.google.no/amp/s/qz.com/1051462/these-statistics-show-why-its-so-hard-to-be-an-average-man-on-dating-apps/amp/ 2
BJP1991 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 Use Hinge. It’s better than the junk ones you listed, IMO
Author twatwa123 Posted July 18, 2019 Author Posted July 18, 2019 O yeah. Hinge. That’s one of the worst for me. Zero matches.
Gretchen12 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 I always feel in life you can't get something for nothing. So I'm skeptical. Say you sit in the comfort of home in your underwear and browse online profiles like looking through a mail order catalog, you pick out a couple of them that you like, instant date? Too easy! Nothing worthwhile happens when you have put in no effort. When you ask people out in person, you need to go out, be attractive, be social, risk rejection. It's harder but you'll do better in the end. 2
chillii Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Mercy, how the hell did you run all those date sites be a full time job. Anyway , don't be fooled by the hype there's just as many women on date sites and in forums getting no where as men, seen 1000s and most of them are on 3 or 4 sites for years too l noticed when l was on one, and just read about, that's everywhere too. Like someone said they aren't the magic bullet and world at your feet well, that anyone actually, expects. lmo it's the fact that you might meet that special someone, but it's only a slim maybe , people do. So with no expectations they are worth a look about l think for sure , but yaknow. Anyway, good idea, get away from the damn computer and go live. 1
Author twatwa123 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 What kind of women are you showing interest in online? If they're perfect 10s then yes, you'll have a lot of competition. You said you're average looking. Have you tried messaging average looking women? It seems like the majority of men online are only interested in the most attractive women, even men who are only average looking themselves. I don't know how to describe them. My ex who I met online was a 10 lol I've messaged "average" looking women too. Same result. Nothing.
harnold Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Scam in a sense that they promise way too much....but the realization is, it's not a magic bullet to find someone. If you struggle to get dates irl, online isn't going to be much different. I agree meeting people irl is much better but you still have to have confidence and game or the ladies won't notice you. People have a misconception it's all about looks...well no it's not, most of it has to do with how you carry yourself, and how you present yourself. You can be hot as hell but if you have no personality or game, you can become the most unattractive guy out there. I have experienced that many times. Totally agree. Too many people invest their energies into superficial **** (I need to look better, be more ripped, have a nicer car, make more money... then women will give me the respect I deserve). Sure, be the best self you can be, but all that time spent essentially working on ways to "Sell yourself" could be better spend just attracting your insecurities in the first place. End of rant
schlumpy Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Thanks for the realistic inside look at the world of Online dating. I do think it has it's uses and I'm sure that for some people it works very well but I also believe your outcome is much more likely. 1
chillii Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 (edited) Scam in a sense that they promise way too much....but the realization is, it's not a magic bullet to find someone. If you struggle to get dates irl, online isn't going to be much different. I agree meeting people irl is much better but you still have to have confidence and game or the ladies won't notice you. People have a misconception it's all about looks...well no it's not, most of it has to do with how you carry yourself, and how you present yourself. You can be hot as hell but if you have no personality or game, you can become the most unattractive guy out there. I have experienced that many times. Yeah, even in forums too actually seems so common, l never get it looks won't make a relationship. During my very brief haha old career, saw so many woman too just a zero for me looks or no looks. l was amazed at how so the same and just nothing most profiles were and so often like just a different face. l wasn't a believer in big fancy bore you to tears profiles or glam glossy pics, just give me real but yaknow, a few words that showed what she's really about was key for me. Edited July 19, 2019 by chillii
Author twatwa123 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 The other one I've signed up for is Bumble. Again, no matches. Urgh.
Trail Blazer Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 I think where you live can very much affect how likely you are to match on Tinder and Bumble. POF less so, as you're not getting filtered out by the search radius. OP, do you live in a reasonably populated metropolitan area?
Trail Blazer Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 ugh so glad I'm married. I'm the opposite. But then, my marriage wasn't so great! I'm loving the single life and OLD has been fun, albeit sometimes with its moments of frustration!
Author twatwa123 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 I think where you live can very much affect how likely you are to match on Tinder and Bumble. POF less so, as you're not getting filtered out by the search radius. OP, do you live in a reasonably populated metropolitan area? Yes. I live a few miles from a city on the south coast of England. The problem is the amount of women vs the amount of men on places like POF. On the meet me feature, my Ex got hundreds of "likes" from people who only want 1 thing. I, on the other hand, have 8 matches, none of which live locally, and even when I do start a convo they never reply.
Trail Blazer Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Yes. I live a few miles from a city on the south coast of England. The problem is the amount of women vs the amount of men on places like POF. On the meet me feature, my Ex got hundreds of "likes" from people who only want 1 thing. I, on the other hand, have 8 matches, none of which live locally, and even when I do start a convo they never reply. POF is where I've had the most luck. The meet me feature is a gimmick. I just use it to find new girls to message. Most of the one's who've swiped right to "meet me" are fake profiles. However, I don't really know what to suggest to you. Girls do say they like a guy who's put effort into his profile. Perhaps pad out your bio a bit, maybe that might help? What is your relationship preference set to on POF? Mine is "wants to date but nothing serious" and that had potentially resulted in women not responding to me. Don't compare what your ex got to what you get. Women are always going to pull more guys relative to their SMV purely because guys chase, women choose and for men is merely a numbers game.
Author twatwa123 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 Another 3 messages sent, all perseonalised and all mentioning something from their profile. All messages read, one deleted. None even bothered to look at my profile.
MaleIntuition Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Sounds like you need to work on your pictures. Ask some female friends (or even better; strangers) for feedback.
Author twatwa123 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 Sounds like you need to work on your pictures. Ask some female friends (or even better; strangers) for feedback. The pics are of me smiling in a variety of places, I can’t do any more. I’m not ugly lol
Trail Blazer Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 The pics are of me smiling in a variety of places, I can’t do any more. I’m not ugly lol But how "not ugly" are the girls you're sending messages to or swiping on? The real challenge is determining your SMV online and accepting that the really hot ones are probably going to pass up, as the sheer volume of messages/matches they get would be overwhelming. You really do need to stand out above and beyond to get noticed by them. What makes it disheartening for guys is the fact that even women who aren't attractive get lots of swipes/messages, thus artificially inflating their own ability to land guys who would otherwise have an equivalent SVM much higher than theirs in the real world. I live in a reasonable sized city and thankfully there's plenty enough girls who I feel attracted enough to for me to swipe and message until my heart's content. Do I match with all of them? Hell no! From the ones I do match, do I hear back from all of them? Not even close. When I do hear from them, what's the likelihood of a conversation lasting longer than a day? Perhaps 50 percent. In short, it's hard work for a guy keeping a girl who's reasonably good looking engaged enough to converse with for the length of time required to get them to agree to go on a date. Then, if they agree to go on a date, half of them are likely to cancel at the last minute. That's been the case for me, anyway. Just don't take it to heart. It is what it is and very little to do with what you make it. Just keep trying, making sure your pictures and bio are both decent and what will be will be. Take the pressure off yourself landing someone online and balance it up by trying to meet girls IRL as well. Good luck!
schlumpy Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Another 3 messages sent, all perseonalised and all mentioning something from their profile. All messages read, one deleted. None even bothered to look at my profile. I've been struggling with this ever since it entered my head. I am not promising it will help but I don't think it can hurt you. The idea is to put in your profile that you are a big fan of Jane Austen and just love her books especially "Pride and Prejudice." Just mention it casually. Of course, if you get some hits then you will have to actually read the books assuming you have not read them. Good hunting
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