SophieG Posted July 17, 2019 Posted July 17, 2019 Personally, after 3+ days without contact after the date, I would assume the guy isn't interested, but that's me. I've never had to wait long to receive a text after a date, the guys usually texted the day after, max 2 days later.
spiritedaway2003 Posted July 17, 2019 Posted July 17, 2019 If you are busy, you are busy but maybe every other day if you can take 10 seconds & shoot off a "hope your week is less stressful then mine" so she knows you are thinking about her without you saying something over the top & clingy / weak like "miss you" or "thinking about you" you should be fine. You don't have to call. ^^^ This. If you like her and want to pursue a relationship with her, you can at least do this.
Author BJP1991 Posted July 18, 2019 Author Posted July 18, 2019 Well, I called. VM Box was full. Sent a text just to say I couldn’t leave a message and to call me back sometime. It was “sent as text message” whereas before it was iMessage. Coincidentally she’s had phone trouble and is in process of getting a new one, so who knows maybe nothing went through. If no reply, when would it be wise to try her again? I don’t think she would have blocked me or anything, and if so I think the phone would go straight to VM or ring maybe once then Vm. Thoughts?
Versacehottie Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 I think since you were able to text her (even tho i wasn't an iMessage, which makes one wonder if it made it through), now it's cool to leave it a couple of days IMO. Most likely she will get the text. I also agree especially if you are leaning this way--she hasn't blocked you. I'd give it a couple of days and then reach out. I don't think you need to reach out today but you could if that is the nature of your relationship like she is more free flowing and not skittish. People won't admit it but THIS is where the game playing stuff comes into play IMO. See when you reach out to her genuinely and confidently if she likes you it never hurts, only helps. If you reach out because you get nervous or insecure, such as a double text, multiple calls without giving her a chance to get back to you, this sometimes tips people over the edge (granted that would mean they ARE on the fence about you essentially anyway--but yeah if this situation strikes it can sometimes come at a perfect storm moment in the bad way). I would rely on the nature of your banter with each other--whenever you place that call. And just be confident about it. IMO, direct is best, slightly concerned, not stalkerish or prying. Lol, as someone whose VM gets full a lot, I've seen the variety of types, "checking back in". Let us know what happens. I'll bet it's just her phone. Good luck
Gretchen12 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 See how that first date tonight with the new girl goes. As for this one, the VM and text msg is creating some mystery about her but I doubt you're more attracted to her than before. You left a text for her. Now move on. Start fresh with the new girl. Maybe you'll find a match.
DrNo1962 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 ...What does everyone think about waiting 3-5 days after each date (in the first month or two) to call and setup the next date? ... There are no black/white rules with these things. From my experience, where I have succeeded is by mirroring the other person's interest. Where I have failed is doing the exact opposite of that. There's no point being coy or aloof with women who are keen on you. A little bit of mystery is ok, but too much and they will drop you quickly. I would have hit her up the next day or at latest the day after that to arrange the next time you get together. Calling once per week or any cookie-cutter strategy is not a "silver bullet". Human's are far more complex beings than to be able to apply arbitrary rules to them. 3
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 I would think it is better to follow up quickly then wait days. Especially after you boinked her. I don’t see a girl instantly being turned off by you following up quickly unless she was already feeling meh about you to begin with honestly A guy we find attractive following up quickly got us giddy like What you don’t do is after you initiate Keep calling, double texting, blowing up her phone. Let her reciprocate your interest. Then continue to contact only after she does. That’s all. If you want to create mystery then just simply have a damn life and contact her after you do things....things like....you know....living your life. Contact her after you get off work, after you enjoyed that movie/sport, after the night you hung out with your boys and wait the next morning. Contacting her one time after she reciprocates and also living your life gives off enough mystery and self respect and confidence to attract a genuine woman with a healthy mindset imo. 1
Author BJP1991 Posted July 18, 2019 Author Posted July 18, 2019 So, wait until Monday to try again? Or try Friday/Saturday? Part of me legitimately wonders if nothing got through, with her having phone issues until a new one is setup
Gretchen12 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 So, wait until Monday to try again? Or try Friday/Saturday? Part of me legitimately wonders if nothing got through, with her having phone issues until a new one is setup No need to try again. If she's having phone trouble, she knows. She knows people may have been trying to reach her, and she will contact those people she wants to contact, when her phone is back on line.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 I agree if you contacted her once already no need to contact her again imo. let her respond.
d0nnivain Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 So, wait until Monday to try again? Or try Friday/Saturday? Timing is everything. You told her that you had a busy week & would not be free until the weekend. If you then fail to contact her once you become free after you already made her wait all week, she will conclude you are playing games & are not all that into you because you had better things to do then call her. You don't have to have a date with her until Monday or later but you better talk to her on Friday or Saturday afternoon.
Author BJP1991 Posted July 18, 2019 Author Posted July 18, 2019 Timing is everything. You told her that you had a busy week & would not be free until the weekend. If you then fail to contact her once you become free after you already made her wait all week, she will conclude you are playing games & are not all that into you because you had better things to do then call her. You don't have to have a date with her until Monday or later but you better talk to her on Friday or Saturday afternoon. Jeez. People on this site are seriously all or nothing. Choosing to go about my life and not spending every day trying to validate women is perfectly fine and not game playing. As another poster said - there is a massive double standard on this site where men are supposed to do 100% of the calling and pursuing and apparently women can just sit idly by, and are never guilty of the same accused “game playing”. How is it legitimate that if a girl chooses not to call or text, but will accept dates with you anytime the guy reaches out, then according to you all that is NOT gameplaying. However if a man chooses to wait 3-4 days after a date to focus on things like (1) my new startup business, (2) my passions, hobbies, and fitness, (3) friends and family, and (4) literally anything else besides a girl I’ve only met two times...HES PLAYING GAMES, GIRL! Kick his butt to the curb!!! ****ing bull****, y’all. FYI she called me already. Any normal chick with a good head on her shoulders and a healthy self esteem wouldn’t see waiting a few days as “gameplaying”. Is your phone incapable of functioning to make calls or texts? Get over yourself, everyone, except the one single dude who actually sees that there is a double standard here. Get with the times. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 (edited) im confused I thought he already decided to contact her and she didnt respond....what does what he said before he contacted her have anything to do with the fact that he did go ahead contact her and she didnt respond? my response was to donnivain but I see op already gave an update Edited July 18, 2019 by Curiousroxy86
d0nnivain Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 You came on here asking for advice. I suggested to you that in this modern world people think that because we have the ability to be connected 24/7 we have the obligation to do so. I NEVER said I shared that opinion. I also told you that the pace you set calling every few days was reasonable. Waiting a few dates between calls is just fine. Not calling when you said you would is a problem. You asked if you should call her on Friday or Saturday or wait until Monday. In post #4 you said you told her you would be busy all week but would be free on the weekend. If a man I was newly dating told me that I would be fine not hearing from him all week but since he implied that he would contact me once he was free, if I didn't hear from him until Monday, I'd be ticked. I would think he had something better to do over the weekend & chose not to spend time with me. I didn't put up with men who weren't enthusiastic to spend time with me. By not calling when you said you were free her perception is going to be that you are not a man of your word. If that is the image you want to project, be my guest. It won't serve you well. I don't play games. I am a straightforward happily married person. I don't need to "get over myself." My love life is just fine, thank you very much. I would never have bugged a man who told me he was busy but when he didn't honor what he told me -- he'd be free over the weekend -- that would make me question his integrity & his level of interest in me. I honestly didn't see the post where you tried to call but her VM was full so you sent a text. Not knowing that you had tried, my advice was valid: honor your word. Since you & she spoke it's all good, isn't it?
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 How is it legitimate that if a girl chooses not to call or text, but will accept dates with you anytime the guy reaches out, then according to you all that is NOT gameplaying. However if a man chooses to wait 3-4 days after a date to focus on things like (1) my new startup business, (2) my passions, hobbies, and fitness, (3) friends and family, and (4) literally anything else besides a girl I’ve only met two times...HES PLAYING GAMES, GIRL! Kick his butt to the curb!!! imo if a person contacts another and they respond in a timely manner during moments where they are actually free after living their life thats not game playing. thats called reciprocating interest and making time for dating just like you made time to do whatever else you chose to do in life. but if a person purposely waits days to come off more interesting and busy than they actually naturally are well that action alone is game playing AND imo wack af lol but do you homeboy. you go right on ahead with that wait 3 days plan 1
Normm Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 However if a man chooses to wait 3-4 days after a date to focus on things like my new startup business Because you are not focusing on "a new startup business" or any of that- you're thinking about her, posting about her, asking questions about her. You clearly want to call her but you are intentionally NOT calling her because you're trying to maximize your chances of being successful in dating her- that's game playing, nothing more. 3
Versacehottie Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 Huh? What happened, lol? Why are you all mad at all the women? I just acknowledged that game playing exists,in dating. TBH for both sides. Like most people, It's normal to try to manage the tightrope that is being excited/looking overeager/not interested/not interested enough/dating expectations/what pace you want to set. Idk, I think polling the people here (i think another one was a guy as well) to help your specific situation is what you want and need. No one has the power to change the game playing the does exist in dating in total and how things are perceived. I certainly don't want to be responsible for it haha. Some people might say what I advised you is game playing and if I was advising your girl, I'm sure I'd say things that would be considered game playing. You can't hate the game, just trying to help you win. I'm glad she called back.
Gretchen12 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 Oh, she called you back? I thought you'd be less angry after she called you back. But anyway, now you're all good? Seeing her this weekend? Be happy and have fun! We were just trying to help. There will always be different opinions on a forum. No need to get upset.
DrNo1962 Posted July 18, 2019 Posted July 18, 2019 (edited) Jeez. People on this site are seriously all or nothing. Choosing to go about my life and not spending every day trying to validate women is perfectly fine and not game playing. As another poster said - there is a massive double standard on this site where men are supposed to do 100% of the calling and pursuing and apparently women can just sit idly by, and are never guilty of the same accused “game playing”. How is it legitimate that if a girl chooses not to call or text, but will accept dates with you anytime the guy reaches out, then according to you all that is NOT gameplaying. However if a man chooses to wait 3-4 days after a date to focus on things like (1) my new startup business, (2) my passions, hobbies, and fitness, (3) friends and family, and (4) literally anything else besides a girl I’ve only met two times...HES PLAYING GAMES, GIRL! Kick his butt to the curb!!! ****ing bull****, y’all. FYI she called me already. Any normal chick with a good head on her shoulders and a healthy self esteem wouldn’t see waiting a few days as “gameplaying”. Is your phone incapable of functioning to make calls or texts? Get over yourself, everyone, except the one single dude who actually sees that there is a double standard here. Get with the times. You are doing the same thing a girl who "doesn't kiss on the first date" does. Following some rule, because you're concerned what the other person is going to think of you (ie am I desperate & needy or not). It's only those who seize the window of opportunity rather than putting the shades down that succeed at the end of the day. Go with the flow and act more naturally next time rather than applying some binary rule to every situation. Hone your sensory acuity skills and learn to mirror other people's interests and that should hold you in good stead. Edited July 18, 2019 by DrNo1962 2
Redhead14 Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 (edited) Jeez. People on this site are seriously all or nothing. Choosing to go about my life and not spending every day trying to validate women is perfectly fine and not game playing. As another poster said - there is a massive double standard on this site where men are supposed to do 100% of the calling and pursuing and apparently women can just sit idly by, and are never guilty of the same accused “game playing”. How is it legitimate that if a girl chooses not to call or text, but will accept dates with you anytime the guy reaches out, then according to you all that is NOT gameplaying. However if a man chooses to wait 3-4 days after a date to focus on things like (1) my new startup business, (2) my passions, hobbies, and fitness, (3) friends and family, and (4) literally anything else besides a girl I’ve only met two times...HES PLAYING GAMES, GIRL! Kick his butt to the curb!!! ****ing bull****, y’all. FYI she called me already. Any normal chick with a good head on her shoulders and a healthy self esteem wouldn’t see waiting a few days as “gameplaying”. Is your phone incapable of functioning to make calls or texts? Get over yourself, everyone, except the one single dude who actually sees that there is a double standard here. Get with the times. Women should not sit "idly" by. They should respond in a timely manner, accept dates if they are interested and after a couple of dates, she should start reciprocating by initiating some communication and dates. There should be balance fairly soon after a new dating scenario begins. The man shouldn't have to feel like he's doing all the work. He just needs to get the ball rolling. So if an extra phone call or text is too much work for you, oh well. The guys I've dated who were seriously interested in dating, let me know pretty quickly with fairly regular communication especially after the first date. A quick call or text here and there was nice. As for double standards -- Like it or not, women are a little different in terms of needs and what they want to see from a man in terms of showing interest and whether he's dating seriously or just looking for another piece of as*. Women don't care as much about getting d*ck as men care about getting p*ssy. And, most of the time that's all they want. And, we are judged for giving it up too easily/quickly and if we wait too long, the guy bails too. There needs to be some kind of culling criteria by which a guy's interest level can be measured and if the guy is really interested in us and have time for us and make dating and/or a relationship a priority. Don't bother dating if women are low on your list of priorities and just want sex when it's convenient. Women are women. It seems like some guys just want to find a man with a vagina . . . Edited July 19, 2019 by Redhead14
MaleIntuition Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Women should not sit "idly" by. They should respond in a timely manner, accept dates if they are interested and after a couple of dates, she should start reciprocating by initiating some communication and dates. There should be balance fairly soon after a new dating scenario begins. The man shouldn't have to feel like he's doing all the work. He just needs to get the ball rolling. So if an extra phone call or text is too much work for you, oh well. The guys I've dated who were seriously interested in dating, let me know pretty quickly with fairly regular communication especially after the first date. A quick call or text here and there was nice. As for double standards -- Like it or not, women are a little different in terms of needs and what they want to see from a man in terms of showing interest and whether he's dating seriously or just looking for another piece of as*. Women don't care as much about getting d*ck as men care about getting p*ssy. And, most of the time that's all they want. And, we are judged for giving it up too easily/quickly and if we wait too long, the guy bails too. There needs to be some kind of culling criteria by which a guy's interest level can be measured and if the guy is really interested in us and have time for us and make dating and/or a relationship a priority. Don't bother dating if women are low on your list of priorities and just want sex when it's convenient. Women are women. It seems like some guys just want to find a man with a vagina . . . Sigh. Your post is extremely disrespectful and contains mostly inaccurate prejudices and assumptions about both men and women.
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