Starting dating a girl and I am not sure (between rock and hard place)

July 17, 2019

We've been dating for 3 months and seeing each other constantly for that time period. We are madly in love with each other and talk about marriage and kids. My girl is just about perfect in terms of personality and character and heart (she is 21, I'm 30). We have amazing chemistry. I met her parents and her parents love me. She has every good character trait imaginable

Here's the problem - I am a die hard fitness freak and it was pretty much a deal breaker for me to date a girl who is into working out. My GF asked me to train her at the beginning stages of the relationship so I figured she would grow to love it like I do but that just doesn't seem to be the case. At the beginning - we were working out 5 days a week and now she is cancelling way too much. I'm out of the country visiting family (she is back home) and Sunday, she told me she wanted to go to gym all week this week - she cancelled both on monday and tuesday. She had nothing going on either day - Tuesday was offday from work. When I was back home, she was only making it 2-3 times a week with me. I wish she didn't ask me to train her - I probably wouldn't have given her a chance. It's very deceptive on her part.

My gf is a beautiful girl with just about the best body genetics on the planet - she has a figure like Kim Kardashian except natural but it's a similar extreme hourglass shape. She cares tons and tons and tons about how she looks. I can't figure out why she just has zero drive to like working out. The problem is that because of her naturally very thick structure, she will look horrible long term if she doesn't get into the lifestyle. It's one thing to not like somebody because they are not cute enough or something genetic - my girl has 10/10 genetics and just doesn't want to put in the work to maximize it - which is so baffling cause she cares lots and lots and lots about her looks.

I dunno what the hell to do. This is basically a deal breaker for me - I plan to be in great shape until I'm 100. I don't make any excuses - I'll workout and diet no matter where I am at or what I am doing. I am afraid my girl has kids and will be pretty much overweight forever. For now, she stays in decent shape because we still workout together 3 times a week and have sex 10-15 times a week but I know that sex will dwindle down to twice a week once we have kids and working out will probably dwindle down to nothing

if I stay in phenomenal shape (I have a six pack now) - will that inspire her to keep herself in decent shape? The problem is now I can't leave her. I'm so madly in love with her, it would absolutely kill me to leave her. Also how the hell do I explain it to her? Hey honey, we are madly in love and get along perfectly but I'm leaving you cause you don't love working out?

Edited July 17, 2019 by ATB77

July 17, 2019

You realize that you making the same thread every week won’t change people’s mind about the situation right?! You posted last Sunday, then again Wednesday or Thursday and now today.

Leave her! Period! You only love the idea of her and what she can physically become. You can’t control someone or except them to be into the same things you are. You want a fitness girl, start dating women that are into fitness from the start. Let that poor girl meet someone who will love her for who she is, no matter if she’ll gain weight or not in the future

July 17, 2019

You realize that you making the same thread every week won’t change people’s mind about the situation right?! You posted last Sunday, then again Wednesday or Thursday and now today.

Leave her! Period! You only love the idea of her and what she can physically become. You can’t control someone or except them to be into the same things you are. You want a fitness girl, start dating women that are into fitness from the start. Let that poor girl meet someone who will love her for who she is, no matter if she’ll gain weight or not in the future

The problem is now I can't leave her. I'm so madly in love with her, it would absolutely kill me to leave her. Also how the hell do I explain it to her? Hey honey, we are madly in love and get along perfectly but I'm leaving you cause you don't love working out?

this girl has planned out rest of her life with me. She wants to have kids with me

at the beginning, she asked me to train her. I wish she didn't do that - I probably wouldn't have given her a chance. It's very deceptive on her part.

July 17, 2019

It’s not deceptive on her part. I might ask my boyfriend to teach me how to fish and just get bored or realize that I don’t have to motivation for it. If being with someone who loves to fish is a must, he should date only women who are into fishing to begin with. Everyone is aloud to change their mind or not be as into it as you are.

If it is that much of a dealbreaker, yes, you should end it, sooner rather than later.

July 17, 2019

OP, you already posted this under your other username a couple weeks ago. You’re not likely to get different answers now.

July 17, 2019

It’s not deceptive on her part. I might ask my boyfriend to teach me how to fish and just get bored or realize that I don’t have to motivation for it. If being with someone who loves to fish is a must, he should date only women who are into fishing to begin with. Everyone is aloud to change their mind or not be as into it as you are.
If it is that much of a dealbreaker, yes, you should end it, sooner rather than later.

I just can't make sense of it... How does a beautiful 21 year old girl who cares so much about her looks (and she cares about it tons and tons) with the best genetics on the planet not want to do the thing that will help develop her looks the most?

I dunno what to do. Her mom is beautiful and with a perfect body without even working out at all. I think my girl just eats way too much. Her dad is in good shape too. There's nothing wrong with her genetics

and now, I'm in too deep. Leaving her will kill me and it will really kill her. I'm in between a rock and a hard place

July 17, 2019

Stop comparing her to her mom and talk about genetics! If you want a fit woman who’s gonna stay fit forever, date women who are already into fitness. You say they have high standards, well look at yourself because SO DO YOU! You think you deserve the 0.1% of women, well keep looking because, as amazing as your girlfriend is, her not being into fitness and not making the efforts that YOU think she should will always be a problem.

How would she feel if she saw this thread!?

Do yourself and her a favor, and break up.

July 17, 2019

Stop comparing her to her mom and talk about genetics! If you want a fit woman who’s gonna stay fit forever, date women who are already into fitness. You say they have high standards, well look at yourself because SO DO YOU! You think you deserve the 0.1% of women, well keep looking because, as amazing as your girlfriend is, her not being into fitness and not making the efforts that YOU think she should will always be a problem.
How would she feel if she saw this thread!?
Do yourself and her a favor, and break up.

I'm pretty decent looking in the face (probably a 7.5/10 on a realistic scale - less if you prefer light skin white guys, probably higher if you like Mediterranean looking men), I'm in great shape (I'm 5'10 206 and look like a professional football player), I make about 180K at age of 30. I am huge into family values and I love kids. I have great friends and great lifestyle. I'm supremely loyal once I'm in a relationship. I still never had any fitness type women be interested in me. I don't think they want top 0.1% of men - they want the top 0.000000001% of men

for a little more detail on the situation. When I was with her last few weeks - we were going to gym like twice or three times a week. I've been out of country for 1.5 weeks now - first week, she went 3 or 4 times by herself. This week, she told me she wanted to go everyday and go on strict diet to lose some weight - so far she cancelled on Monday and Tuesday. I dunno - just seems like her motivation goes up and down, up and down, up and down. I dunno what to expect. I'm worried long term it goes away to nothing.

If she was naturally a small framed girl, this wouldn't be that big of a deal but she has a body that's a better version of Kim Kardashian. She will look terrible long term if she doesn't work out at least 2-3 times a week. I gave this a chance because I met her and her mom originally - her mom is beautiful with a perfect body. I figured this would be worth a shot (she asked me out originally because her mom liked me so much)

You're telling me to leave her. I love that girl so much and she loves me even that much more. It would tear me to shreds to leave her and would do same thing for her, probably much worse.

July 17, 2019

You saying she would look terrible long term if she didn’t work out a minimum of 2-3x a week is the proof that you don’t love her.

My friend had a baby 7 months ago. Both were into fitness, gym 5x a week. He still does, her, not so much. She gained weight and can’t seem to lose the 20 pounds she’d like to, but at the same time, she realizes she’s not putting much effort. Her husband came home last week and told her she looked beautiful and really sexy (in her bathing suit). Doesn’t see a problem with the extra weight because he loves her for her. Wouldn’t care if she stayed that size forever.

That’s love and marriage. What you want is a trophy wife, so go get one, and leave that girl so someone who appreciates her for who she is can give her the life she deserves

July 17, 2019

You saying she would look terrible long term if she didn’t work out a minimum of 2-3x a week is the proof that you don’t love her.
My friend had a baby 7 months ago. Both were into fitness, gym 5x a week. He still does, her, not so much. She gained weight and can’t seem to lose the 20 pounds she’d like to, but at the same time, she realizes she’s not putting much effort. Her husband came home last week and told her she looked beautiful and really sexy (in her bathing suit). Doesn’t see a problem with the extra weight because he loves her for her. Wouldn’t care if she stayed that size forever.
That’s love and marriage. What you want is a trophy wife, so go get one, and leave that girl so someone who appreciates her for who she is can give her the life she deserves

ideally, I would want a trophy wife who will have all the same personality traits as my girl does. That will be very hard to find and especially to find one who will like me (fitness women have absurd standards. They want 0.00000001% of men)

and perhaps I'm not making myself real clear. This is not a question of 20 lbs. I'm guessing your friend is still very attractive. I'm not worried about my girl being 20 lbs over my ideal (she already is). I'm worried about this getting out of control and her being 60 lbs over my ideal once we have marriage and kids

I'm not saying she has to have a six pack and be super ripped, just somewhat decent shape with a reasonably flat belly and butt that's somewhat decent looking. This shouldn't be so much to ask for when I look like a borderline professional football player

July 17, 2019

Why does it have to relate to how you are fit? My boyfriend is in incredible shape, biceps as huge as my head, and used to do bodybuilding competitions. I’m no where near a fitness model body, and I wouldn’t change to « fit » his physique. I have a few extra pounds, no flat belly or anything, and he still tells me everyday how hot and sexy he thinks I am.

You being in shape won’t necessarily be a motivation for her to train if she wasn’t into it from the start.

But I’m going around in cercles because you don’t seem to understand

July 17, 2019

Why does it have to relate to how you are fit? My boyfriend is in incredible shape, biceps as huge as my head, and used to do bodybuilding competitions. I’m no where near a fitness model body, and I wouldn’t change to « fit » his physique. I have a few extra pounds, no flat belly or anything, and he still tells me everyday how hot and sexy he thinks I am.
You being in shape won’t necessarily be a motivation for her to train if she wasn’t into it from the start.

But I’m going around in cercles because you don’t seem to understand

it doesn't sound like you care that much about how you look though

my girl is a beautiful 21 year old who cares a TON about how she looks. Why would she not want to put in the extra effort?? it's so baffling

July 17, 2019

I do care, I have tried so many times to workout, but I just can’t seem to stick to it.

What exactly do you want people to tell you here?!

July 17, 2019

With respect if you have the ability to choose and you think you can find someone better then go ahead but frankly it seems foreign to me to dump someone for something that fairly trivial in the grand scheme of life, especially if she ticks all your other requirements.

July 17, 2019

Have you tried telling her straight up that she's fat?

Kidding aside, it sounds like you have some kinda fetish for the "gym lifestyle." Trying to MAKE someone be into your own specific fetishes doesn't usually go over well, no matter how many good arguments you make for it.

I'd guess she doesn't like gyms and I don't blame her. If it's about her body, there are tons of things a girl can do to stay in shape that don't require going to the gym. I like to throw on a heavy backpack and walk for miles. Cars are worse than carbs for the waistline.

If it's about you having a piece of arm candy to take to the gym with you or whatever, find someone who is into that.

I also think you shouldn't (can't?) be madly in love with someone after three months AND want to change some drastic thing about them. You're infatuated - not even with her, but with the idea of her being someone else. You don't think you can get a better one, so you want to overhaul this one - but people don't work that way.

July 17, 2019

I do care, I have tried so many times to workout, but I just can’t seem to stick to it.

What exactly do you want people to tell you here?!

You want to hear what makes this story even that much stranger?

My girl is very good at working out. Her form/technique on almost every exercise is perfect. She has gotten good to great results in 3 months

So you got a beautiful 21 year old girl who cares tons and tons and tons about how she looks, with spectacular genetics/potential, who is very good at working out, who has gotten good to great results in 3 months and I still can't get her consistently motivated into it. It's just so unbelievably baffling. I have worked out with 3 other people and all of them, the second they saw any results, fell in love with it and didn't even need me after a month. This is so bizarre

July 17, 2019

Have you tried telling her straight up that she's fat?

Kidding aside, it sounds like you have some kinda fetish for the "gym lifestyle." Trying to MAKE someone be into your own specific fetishes doesn't usually go over well, no matter how many good arguments you make for it.

I'd guess she doesn't like gyms and I don't blame her. If it's about her body, there are tons of things a girl can do to stay in shape that don't require going to the gym. I like to throw on a heavy backpack and walk for miles. Cars are worse than carbs for the waistline.

If it's about you having a piece of arm candy to take to the gym with you or whatever, find someone who is into that.

I also think you shouldn't (can't?) be madly in love with someone after three months AND want to change some drastic thing about them. You're infatuated - not even with her, but with the idea of her being someone else. You don't think you can get a better one, so you want to overhaul this one - but people don't work that way.

my girl has a sexy body now, this is a long term discussion. Sorry I didn't make that clear

cardio and walking is mostly bullsh*t. If you want an attractive body long term, challenging weights is the only real way. You won't get that nice muscle tone and definition and athletic thighs and round butt without heavy weights (heavy for you meaning)

and it's not that easy to find attractive, gym rat women with quality personalities. Even if you do, they have astronomical standards - they want the top 0.0000001% of men. I'm a good looking man in great shape and I make nearly 200K and I've never gotten any attention from fitness women.

July 17, 2019

Answer my question: What do you want from people on this forum?! To tell you that she’ll lose some weight and maintain her figure for the rest of her life?! We can’t because no one knows the future!? So what are you looking for here?!

July 17, 2019

Answer my question: What do you want from people on this forum?! To tell you that she’ll lose some weight and maintain her figure for the rest of her life?! We can’t because no one knows the future!? So what are you looking for here?!

I dunno what to do

I take a gamble that could end up being disastrous long term or I basically cut an arm off by stopping our relationship (without ability to explain anything to her. She thinks we are a match made in heaven. That conversation alone will kill me)

July 17, 2019

As I have said numerous times, if at 3 months into the relationship, that is so much of a preoccupation for you, just end it because it won’t get any better.

Or you could simply tell her : I need to woman who’s gonna share her life with me to have a certain physique. That is what I expect from the woman I’m gonna spend my life with and I’m worried you’re gonna let yourself go and won’t be able to maintain that... then she can decide if she wants to continue dating a guy who has that opinion of her.

July 17, 2019

As I have said numerous times, if at 3 months into the relationship, that is so much of a preoccupation for you, just end it because it won’t get any better.
Or you could simply tell her : I need to woman who’s gonna share her life with me to have a certain physique. That is what I expect from the woman I’m gonna spend my life with and I’m worried you’re gonna let yourself go and won’t be able to maintain that... then she can decide if she wants to continue dating a guy who has that opinion of her.

I'm wondering if she goes another 6-7 months and gets the amazing body she so desperately wants, what is her motivation level at that point? She has sent me pictures of multiple very beautiful very curvy fit women she wants to look like

I believe 100% that she will continue to workout with me at least a few times a week (2-4) for a while (maybe next couple years)

July 17, 2019

How the hell should we know what her motivation level is going to be. Might be high, it might be low... but you continuing a relationship with this girl in the hope that she’ll get a fitter body is simply ridiculous IMO

July 17, 2019

How the hell should we know what her motivation level is going to be. Might be high, it might be low... but you continuing a relationship with this girl in the hope that she’ll get a fitter body is simply ridiculous IMO

play some armchair psychology here for me plz

this girl

A)badly wants to look like a fitness model. She's sent me multiple pics of beautiful fitness women she wants to look like

b)Has some of the best genetics I've ever seen in terms of body shape and bone structure

c)Has a very good trainer - I only have her focus on exercises she likes, no cardio, no squats. I don't tell what not to eat. We eat ice cream and stuff. I'm a very very good trainer - I'm extremely positive and encouraging with her.

d)is good at working out - has gotten results already, has great technique/form on almost every exercises

why is she not naturally motivated now to do it? I just don't get it. Is it lack of confidence? laziness? You can't say she doesn't care - she cares tons and tons about both her face and body. She wants to be a lot thinner - she's told me tons of times

July 17, 2019

Look, no matter how you look at it, she's just not that into fitness as you are. Yes she looks at models (so do I, wishing I had their shapes) and you might be a good trainer, but she's just not as motivated as you'd like her to be.

Would I like to be fit and have an amazing body? Sure. Am I ready to put in the efforts and work necessary to do so? I guess not, since I can't stick to training.

It doesn't matter why, she's just not meeting your expectations on this. You seemed so focus on that one single aspect that isn't perfect, at only 3 months in. I'm sorry but it won't work if you can't accept that fact about her.

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Starting dating a girl and I am not sure (between rock and hard place)

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