ftup Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 My ex BF broke up with me about 2 months ago. We had been fighting and we weren't happy, I wanted to work on things he clearly thought we couldn't, even though he was so emotional in the BU crying and saying how he didn't want to lose me but I told him I wouldn't be able to do 'friends'. We went NC since. He reached out last week saying he'd love to catch up over coffee. I honestly wasn't sure what to reply, as I felt I had been doing well and possibly seeing him would put me back as I miss him still and what if he just wants friends... I eventually replied to the coffee after he brought it up again and I said at the end of the month we can (we didn't set a date though). We ended up having a back and forth convo for a few days after. I was polite and short in my responses at first I guess to protect myself, but he kept pushing the convo and we ended up speaking like how we used to, he was teasing bringing up inside jokes etc. I ended up ending the convo and now I feel i'm back to square one almost. I was so hurt after the BU, and now this has really pushed me back. I'm not sleeping lately as I can't stop thinking about him and just missing him so much. I guess I'm just asking for advice. This has made me hopeful and I know that's not really helping, but I would love to see him... Maybe if anyone has any stories of similar situations they can share? Link to post Share on other sites
django Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 Tell him you can't do this unless he wants to get back together. You clearly want more than friendship, so make him be clear with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 when I did "coffee" with my ex it eventually led me down a self destructive rabbit hole. Coffee led to dinner, dinner led to sex, sex led to expectations, unmet expectations led me to the worst depression of my life. I will never speak to my ex, ever again. He used me, knowing i still had feelings for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Morello Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 I suggest you ask him what are his intentions related to this coffee... Like AT15, I also had coffee with an ex, which led to exactly the same as above. He's probably just trying to assuage his guilt and make sure you're both friendly towards each other. This most likely has nothing to do with you and all to do with how he feels. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 I would follow the others' advice, and ask him what is behind his coffee invitation. You don't need to be accusatory, but I would make it clear that if he's not reaching out in an effort to try to patch things up and get the relationship back on track, meeting as friends is not a good idea. I have experience on both sides of this coin. A long-term ex of mine invited me to dinner maybe 1.5 months after we'd split. I didn't really want the relationship back, so I was okay to meet. We had a friendly dinner and that was quite literally it. Neither of us expressed an interest in reconciling; it was, I think, his way of perhaps tying up loose ends on a more positive note. We never met up again after that. No hard feelings, but no reason to meet anymore. On a different occasion, a long time ago now, I suggested a different ex and I have lunch. I had been the dumper in that case, and while the break-up wasn't dramatic, it was very hard as my ex didn't want the relationship to end. I felt awful for hurting him, and in my then-inexperienced mind, I thought being friendly was better than nothing. Once I realized he thought this lunch was a step toward reconciling, I put the kibosh on it. Lesson learned. My point? Your ex might be rethinking the break-up, or he might be trying to soothe his guilt for ending it. You won't know which it is until you have a conversation about it, but I would do so before meeting so you are prepared. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ftup Posted July 16, 2019 Author Share Posted July 16, 2019 Yeah you guys are right, thank you i will not message him again, and if he reaches out at the end of the month asking for the catch up I will instead ask why. If I meet up with him and he's just wanting friends/to catch up then that'll just hurt me more. He can't have his cake and eat it too! If he wants the break up then that's what it is. Obviously that's easier said than done with how i'm feeling but I need to remember that Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 Study showed that top reason men stay friends with exes, is to gain access to potential sex... Making a FWB out of an ex is quite a common desire for some men. So forget about that love story and love everlasting, he dumped you, now he wants NSA sex with an ex... Its a sad world... Also dumpers are usually in a better place emotionally so they can be "just friends" or FWBs, but dumpees are usually so cut up, that being "just friends" or FWBs is torture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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