bella_3 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Hello ! I have been on 3 dates with this guy and things were going very well between us. We did a lot of different activities during the 3 dates and he even introduced me to his friends. He seems to be a good person. On the 3rd date, we slept together. He said that he liked me. In the morning before he left, he invited me to meet again in the evening to go for a bike ride and a swim at the lake. The day goes on and I received a text from him in the evening saying that it was too cold to go to the lake and that he didn't feel like it. I said Ok, no worries. He didn't propose any other activities. I said that I was looking forward to see him that night. 3 hours later he texted me "tomorrow?". I did not answered his message because I was quite sad that he made me wait all day to finally bail. And I didn't want to make any drama. So here we are. It has been one day now since he sent that last message and I'm just wondering if I should reply back, or even if this is worth giving a try. I really liked this guy but honestly I'm quite disappointed by his behavior. Any ideas ?
Redhead14 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 (edited) Leave it be. Sit back and observe and make other plans for yourself. Edited July 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
Redhead14 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 On the 3rd date, we slept together. He said that he liked me. You gotta start requiring a little more from a man before you sleep with them . . . It's OK if you sleep with them but if you're hoping for more in terms of a relationship, don't expect much if you sleep with them soon. I always tell women that the first time the sleep with a man, especially early in the dating scenario (and even if they've known them for a bit), they should assume it will be a one-night stand unless and until they should her otherwise. This guy is showing you that it was likely a one-night stand. So be it. Keep moving. 2
Foxhall Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Perhaps you tired him out with the bedroom activities:) It seems he did not fancy it again the next night anyway, he is not as invested in the relationship as much as you yet, I think hes worth the benefit of the doubt though, dont write it off just yet. He has introduced you to his friends, he did say he would meet you tomorrow, he is not going to chase after you though, "take it or leave it" is the way he is looking at it, I see no harm in reaching out for another meet up and you can decide for certain then.
emeraldgreen Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Not suggesting an alternative is pretty lame. You're right to feel blown off.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 I have an idea. Dont assume you got anything real with a guy until he ask to be your exclusive boyfriend. Keep on dating, have fun, get to know guys, be safe, and if you know your the type to catch feelings when you have sex then reserve sex for when he ask to be your boyfriend. Concerning this particular guy let him initiate when he wants to see you again. I wouldn’t wait on him though. Move on and date other men. If he set up another date great. If you never hear from him again well he wasn’t the one. If he set up another date but blow you off last minute again? Ignore him. Move on and date other men. If he wants to know why your ignoring him feel free to tell him “joe it was fun but that was the second time you canceled last minute. I date men who follow through on their plans. No hard feelings hun take care”. If he wants one more chance you can give it if you want to but it should be his last of just ignore him for good if you want. That is ugly behavior that shouldn’t be tolerated. Good luck
mortensorchid Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Yikes... you slept with him on the 3rd date. I think he got the milk for free and he is not going to buy this cow, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately I think this is done. Let him contact you and if he doesn't then move on. Years ago I was seeing someone who I'd met online, long story short we had 3 dates and I was thinking our 4th would be the one we might do IT. We arranged to meet, the time came and he didn't show. After an hour I called him, he answered and said he had f****d up and he was out with some friends. I said bulls**t you were too chicken to face me, hung up, and never heard a word again. Sounds like him. 1
spiderowl Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 I'd let him take the initiative now. He sounded a bit feeble and half-hearted. It could be he is mulling things over and hasn't worked out how he feels yet. If he contacts you, be your normal self but don't rush to reply too quickly. Above all, respect yourself and don't take this to heart. If a guy does not appear to want to meet up again after sex, it says more about him than it says about you. You have done nothing wrong. It's up to him to show whether he is interested in you or not. If he isn't, there are other guys who will happily take his place. I would not wait for him to do anything though, just assume you are a free agent unless he comes and asks you to be otherwise. Even then, you need to make sure he is seeking a relationship and not just trying to ensure you are being exclusive while he can play the field.
SunnySide0418 Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 I thought you wrote he suggested tomorrow for another meet up? I would give him one more chance to make it up to you but if you're not responding to his tomorrow request why should he reach out again? 1
josi334 Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 He does not seem that interested after he got sex but if I were you I would give him one chance. I would respond after sometime "tomorrow I got plans(don't make yourself too available now) but Saturday or day X works for me" or say "I'll let you know when I am available" and go live your life and date others and see if he keeps communicating and showing interest. Good luck!
OnlyHonesty Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 On the 3rd date, we slept together. What's the rush? why the hurry? You do not know anyone enough after just 3 dates, to know whether they are sexually safe, decent, or whether they are the sort of person you want to be sharing intimacy with. This culture has done all it can to trivialize sex, but at the end of the day, the act potentially starts a new life, and creates a completely unique being that could potentially change the world. After just 3 days, is it wise to be doing this? What message do you think this sends? 1
Redhead14 Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 (don't make yourself too available now) . . . that ship sailed when she had sex with him which was Ok if she wasn't hoping for more out of the dating scenario. And the guy had a "chance" and he blew it by blowing her off on his invitation to the park without offering another option/day. She suggested later that day somewhere else and he didn't bother to reply for 3 hours in a cavalier way instead of, "Oh sure. How about 6:30 at Xrestaurant"? 1
smackie9 Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 You can't possibly know someone enough after 3 dates to know what direction things are truly going. Even if things are looking great, you sleep with them, they make future plans...still can't tell from that. I think most who post on here about this, have their expectations so high, and when they find out there isn't really any real interest they are dumbfounded. IMO it takes a lot more than 3 or 4 dates for a man to show he's in it to win you over. Observation is key, the level of thoughtfulness is key, that they remember what you have told them, that the dates are well planned, they go out of their way to impress you, they show up on time, keep their promises, don't bail on you, etc. BUT you can't get all that information within a few dates to make it worth your investment. I feel people tend to get tunnel vision and focus too much on the end goal ignoring the fed flags, losing sight of what is actually happening.
schlumpy Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 On the 3rd date, we slept together. He said that he liked me. I really liked this guy but honestly I'm quite disappointed by his behavior You seem to want more then just a hook up but the pattern you just followed was "just a hookup." Most men looking for an LTR are not going be impressed with the behavior of a girl that gets blown off her feet on the third date. Just my opinion. Best Wishes 1
Stillits Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 So the golden rule some years back used to be sex on the 3rd date, now a girl has to withhold it for longer than that or she must not be relationship material? 1
PRW Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 I have been on 3 dates with this guy and things were going very well between us. We did a lot of different activities during the 3 dates and he even introduced me to his friends. He seems to be a good person.This was all way too much too soon with far too many expectations. By the 3rd date you should barely be able to spell each other's last name. On the 3rd date, we slept together. He said that he liked me.Liked? I said that I was looking forward to see him that night. 3 hours later he texted me "tomorrow?". I did not answered his message because I was quite sad that he made me wait all day to finally bail. And I didn't want to make any drama.Childish response. I go days, and in some cases weeks without contact,...and it is with some that we have known each other for a few years. I go longer with family members. We are all doing just fine. So here we are. It has been one day now since he sent that last message and I'm just wondering if I should reply back, or even if this is worth giving a try. I really liked this guy but honestly I'm quite disappointed by his behavior.A day doesn't amount to squat. You need to get over this vengeful attitude of trivial "offenses of omission" that you are holding him under. If you exhibited any of these traits during the 3 dates, maybe he spotted it and is becoming skeptical of you and backing away. If you were intimate enough to have sex after the 3rd date then likely you were intimate in other ways as well and he may have seen traits in you that he is skeptical of and it just took a good nights sleep of thinking about it. After you two had sex he would have had the motivation to think more deeply about the situation before committing himself further.
spiderowl Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 So she gave him doubts by being intimate on the third date. Was he intimate too? Strange that - she should really have doubts about this guy - who knows he has been? In what other ways might she have shown she was too intimate that would have put him off? Was he there participating or not?
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