Do I believe or not?

[Uncertainty4777]

My bf and I have been together for a while. We do love each other but sometimes I feel like I'm being used or otherwise manipulated. We are older and in different places financially. We enjoy our time together but he has pushed living with me for a long time.

 

I finally couldn't hold in my emotions and really gave it to him. I told him I thought he gaslights me sometimes and believe sometimes that if I didn't have a nice home, etc. he wouldn't be interested in me. I didn't hold anything back and was really angry built over time.

 

I told him I feel he runs the relationship and he never asked me if I even wanted him to live with me. Of course, he said I never objected so he assumed I did. I told him he can't set the amount he needs to help pay the HH expenses; it's really up to me mostly since it's my house and my expenses provided it's reasonable in light of his modest salary. He agreed but said it doesn't cost anymore for him to live with me ---- I hate when he says that and told him numerous times that's not the issue; the issue should be what amount is fair to both of us.

 

He suggested a restaurant for my birthday when my sisters will be visiting and when I told him it's up to me (my b'day, not his); he reminds me he has a gift certificate he wanted to share with everyone and knew I did like the restaurant. Then he reminded me I took him to a restaurant for his b'day and didn't ask first (but he's told me it's his fav for a long time) and asked him if he minded if my son went (he is very close to my son so he said it's fine). Is it the same?

 

He is controlling and pushy sometimes...

 

I told him I feel like he emotionally abuses me sometimes. It happened last week when he was cursing at me and left the house to go back to his place when I asked a financial question. He told me to apologize but he said he wasn't --really? He finally did when I brought it up again.

 

He says he'd love me if I had nothing and we had to live in an apartment the rest of our lives and he wants me to be there when he dies. He wants all of me the rest of his life.

 

I told him I didn't appreciate his comments recently about my appearance (I've gained 10 pounds in the last year but trying to take it off) and he said he was just kidding (really)??

 

He agreed with almost everything I said. BUT do I trust him??? Do I let him move in and expect him to hold up his end of the bargain??? I told him I didn't trust him with financial matters in all events.

 

As a FYI, some of my family doesn't trust him - described as an opportunist and doesn't know his place.

 

What do I do with this relationship? Am I fooling myself and being intimidated? We do have a special connection that I've never had except with my late husband.

[Beendaredonedat]

You have been together "for a while." How long is "a while?"

 

He agreed but said it doesn't cost anymore for him to live with me --

I beg to differ. All of your utilities will increase with two people rather than one using the electrical, the heating and particularly the water bill and your food bill.

 

Anyway, you sound hesitant to allow him to move into your home so don't allow him to until you feel confident doing so and you are sure you actually want him there.