ItsMeYo Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 So I've been thru hell with this girl. We used to live together. She left and I hooked up with her best friend. Before I did that I didn't think we'd get back together. Honest. She found out. She was totally upset. Apparently she had told the best friend she was intending on getting back with me. Naturally they're no longer friends. This was like 6 months ago. We've been talking for the last 5 months. Things are going very very very well. Anyhow, I wish we could start living together again. I love her intensely. We have the best times together. But when she doesn't come over.. it feels like she "didn't come home" if that makes sense... I've told her what I want and she understands. But there's no intention on her part to do so. Question is, I'm starting to feel like a needy, clingy idiot. Should I just shut up and be grateful for what it is, or should I just back off myself? Start turning her down when she wants to come over, do other things... ? I am really up in my head about this. I appreciate any input. I understand y'all may have questions before you can answer. Ask away.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 I went back and read your last thread about this girl and your relationship and break-up. The chances that this will work out are slim-to-none, man. So much drama and resentment and immaturity all around. There were already trust issues and then you hooked up with her best friend. It doesn't matter if you thought you would get back together or not - that was incredibly low. It showed her you have very poor judgment and no boundaries. You just don't go there. You also said that after she found out, she beat you up in your house, came to your workplace screaming at you, kicked and punched you again at a later date. This person is not stable. Being angry and hurt is one thing; turning violent and abusive is quite another. My honest guess is that she is now using you as a filler until she meets someone she does want to date seriously, at which point she will drop you. I would walk away from this, hopefully having learned some valuable lessons along the way.
elaine567 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Out of all the woman in the world you hook up with her best friend... like that wasn't deliberate??? She is loving the attention, but I guess what you did was unforgivable/unforgettable, hence why she has no intention of moving back in with you. Actions have consequences, second chances are rarely given, you usually have to get it right the first time. Why did she leave in the first place?
schlumpy Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 You state that you love her intensely but you hook up with her best friend? What happened? Wasn't her sister available? Did you hit on her mom too? You appear to compartmentalize. You love her when you are with her. When you are not - only you know who your thoughts are focused on. I agree with others that she is high strung, easy to trigger and I'm sure you know that and contributed to her craziness. Do her a favor and let her go. Best Wishes
kendahke Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 (edited) Your energy would be better spent with a therapist to help you get to the core of why, of all the female humans on the face of the earth, you thought that smashing her best friend was your only option. Even if you and your ex didn't get back together, her best friend was the best you could do? No one who loves someone has sex with their best friend--or worse: that you knew she was her best friend and you did it anyway. Edited July 15, 2019 by kendahke 1
smackie9 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 This is why we date and have relationships....to learn through these experiences good and bad. Now it's time to learn that this experience is unhealthy for both, and the best decision you can make is to end it and move on.
spiderowl Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 If she is not going to move in with you again and you are not both making plans to move together elsewhere, then what kind of relationship is this? It does not look as though it could develop beyond the casual friendship it is at present. Yes I do think you should give up on her. The situation is static at the moment, not going forwards or backwards. It might as well go backwards so that you have the chance to meet and date someone else. While you might not feel like doing that at the moment, you won't as long as you stay entangled with her. You need to distance yourself to get her out of your system.
Author ItsMeYo Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 I suppose it's just hard. The highs are so high... When it's good it's great. I suppose I know where it's headed. I just can't really turn away. Kinda looking for advice to make it work. Not really concerned wit inward stuff at present. Thanks tho everyone.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Kinda looking for advice to make it work. No advice from us is going to make this work, OP. We can't undo the damage already done to this toxic situation. You're asking for advice far too late in the game, here. You two might have another couples months of flirting or hooking up or what have you, but is this going to become your Happily Ever After? No, isn't. 1
smackie9 Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 There is a reason why this isn't working...you both are toxic for each other. You are beating a dead horse trying to make it work. The best solution is to end it, and start fresh with someone new, and bringing what you have learned from your last relationship to not make the same mistakes. This is how the process works.
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