ljn1650 Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 I have predictably been slow faded/ghosted by someone. We were mates before, then went on 3 dates where he was very keen, then i went on holiday and he switched overnight. He went from texting me all the time every day, last time he text was the day before yesterday after taking hours, then a day to respond. He has now completely ignored me. The problem is I work with him (only see him once in the morning as he works offsite). I would have happily gone back to being friends if he would be honest and i wouldnt have felt weird going to work/being around him, but unfortunately it seems he has decided to ghost someone he knows he is going to see tomorrow? The ignoring has left me thinking quite low of him. Shall I just be friendly and normal but keep contact minimal when i see him?
stillafool Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 By ghosting he is pretty much telling you that you are back to being work mates so you should speak when you see him at work and keep it moving. Glad you are happy to going back to being just friends. 1
Gretchen12 Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 Technically it's not ghosting when you still run into each other. Coworkers, neighbors, etc. are unghostable. You tried dating each other and it just didn't work out and now it's awkward at work. That's a common scenario. 2
preraph Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 No confrontations! Now it's time to be mature and just peel it back to being polite. I wouldn't text him unless it's about work. If he continues to text, then answer, but assume he's just trying to not let the work relationship get hostile. Politeness.
smackie9 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Just keep professional, and remember to never date coworkers. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 I would speak cordially when spoken to. If it’s professional setting where you have to speak then be polite and professional. But I wouldn’t go out of my way trying to speak. If somebody ghost you they don’t want to talk to you. So I don’t see any point in initiating conversation. 1
kendahke Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Those 3 dates weren't a contract to anything. Don't poop where you eat because of this very scenario. And don't confront--he has every right to change his mind. Be professional and don't seek him out. 2
Redhead14 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 (edited) I just don't get this BS. It's just so not necessary to give this kind of thing a name/syndrome. Geez. Going out on a couple of dates is not some kind of binding agreement. They stop reaching out/asking on dates, so be it. He doesn't owe anything. You have no right/claim to be angry or upset. It's just back to business Period. Ghosting is when you've been dating for some time or engaged or married and they say they are going out for cigarettes and you never hear from them again. Would you rather have him keep stringing you along with frequent texts and promises to get together and never follow through? Would you rather have him say, "you know, I just didn't enjoy our dates" or hand you some line that you won't believe anyway or spin to mean something else to manage your ego? Seeing someone a couple of times and they decide they aren't that interested is just plain part of DATING. People need to stop putting a stranglehold on virtual strangers who show the slightest interest as if that means they are "all in" forever already. Even if they work together, they don't really know each other so there's no guarantee they will have a good time or that that kind of interest is really there. Be professional and don't entertain or carry on any more "extra-curricular" talk or behavior. Edited July 15, 2019 by Redhead14 5
Redhead14 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 The bottom line with this kind of thing is that people want to hold a dating prospect responsible for their insecurities and fragile egos. 2
Author ljn1650 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Posted July 15, 2019 I just don't get this BS. It's just so not necessary to give this kind of thing a name/syndrome. Geez. Going out on a couple of dates is not some kind of binding agreement. They stop reaching out/asking on dates, so be it. He doesn't owe anything. You have no right/claim to be angry or upset. It's just back to business Period. Ghosting is when you've been dating for some time or engaged or married and they say they are going out for cigarettes and you never hear from them again. Would you rather have him keep stringing you along with frequent texts and promises to get together and never follow through? Would you rather have him say, "you know, I just didn't enjoy our dates" or hand you some line that you won't believe anyway or spin to mean something else to manage your ego? Seeing someone a couple of times and they decide they aren't that interested is just plain part of DATING. People need to stop putting a stranglehold on virtual strangers who show the slightest interest as if that means they are "all in" forever already. Even if they work together, they don't really know each other so there's no guarantee they will have a good time or that that kind of interest is really there. Be professional and don't entertain or carry on any more "extra-curricular" talk or behavior. Holy ****....that was aggressive. Did you read my post? I'm quite sure I said I was cool with not dating him, the question was how to handle communication with him at work. Just simply asking for a bit of advice. Just chill out, please.
kendahke Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 , the question was how to handle communication with him at work. Be professional and don't bring up anything having to do with personal feelings. His behavior is telling you he's not here for that anymore.
Author ljn1650 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Posted July 15, 2019 I just don't get this BS. It's just so not necessary to give this kind of thing a name/syndrome. Geez. Going out on a couple of dates is not some kind of binding agreement. They stop reaching out/asking on dates, so be it. He doesn't owe anything. You have no right/claim to be angry or upset. It's just back to business Period. Ghosting is when you've been dating for some time or engaged or married and they say they are going out for cigarettes and you never hear from them again. Would you rather have him keep stringing you along with frequent texts and promises to get together and never follow through? Would you rather have him say, "you know, I just didn't enjoy our dates" or hand you some line that you won't believe anyway or spin to mean something else to manage your ego? Seeing someone a couple of times and they decide they aren't that interested is just plain part of DATING. People need to stop putting a stranglehold on virtual strangers who show the slightest interest as if that means they are "all in" forever already. Even if they work together, they don't really know each other so there's no guarantee they will have a good time or that that kind of interest is really there. Be professional and don't entertain or carry on any more "extra-curricular" talk or behavior. Holy ****....that was aggressive. Did you read my post? I'm quite sure I said I was cool with not dating him, the question was how to handle communication with him at work. Just simply asking for a bit of advice. Just chill out, please.
preraph Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Holy ****....that was aggressive. Did you read my post? I'm quite sure I said I was cool with not dating him, the question was how to handle communication with him at work. Just simply asking for a bit of advice. Just chill out, please. You did say you thought quite low of him now and are mad at him and saying he ghosted you, so you did express quite a lot of anger about it and it's clearly bothering you, which is okay, but it's not like Red was reading anything extra into it. I too got the idea you were pretty emotional about it and not cool with the situation. Anyway, that's fine, but it's work, so chillin is a good idea. You can't control how other people handle things from their end. 1
mortensorchid Posted July 17, 2019 Posted July 17, 2019 I have said this before and I will say it again: Coworkers are NOT FRIENDS. It's easy for you to think that coworkers are friends because you will spend more time with them than you will anyone else. It doesn't matter how old they are or are not, their experiences, education levels, etc., you must have a network of friends / acquaintances outside of the workplace. The world is full of lonely people, no question about that (and you may be one of them), but never attempt to have these needs met by a coworker. They can and will take things about you and use them against you in ways you are not ready for. I have been abused by many a coworker in the past, and I will not let it happen again. That being said with your situation, just let it go. Be nice to them, but don't propose another outing of any kind and see how they react to you. You'll be okay, don't let it get in the way of anything work related and things should be fine.
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