max3732 Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 After several years of only 1 or 2 dates and none getting past the 3rd I've got 6 different women that I've been chatting with that have agreed to meet. The closest one lives 20 minutes away, but most are 30 to 45 minutes. The age range is 26 on the low end to 43 on the high and have a wide variety of interests, education levels, etc. All of them are attractive to me(at least according to their pictures). As nerdy as it sounds I'm thinking of making a spreadsheet with their names, photos, interests, etc since I'm forgetting which is which and I have to go to their profile to remember. I've posted several questions about 1st dates before, but assuming that most of them don't cancel on me this will be my 1st time having so many back to back dates. Am I best spacing them out over a few weeks or trying to meet up as quickly as possible? With these first dates I guess I should just try to get a feel for their personalities and relax, right? A big deal to me is that I haven't kissed a woman in about 10 years and really struggle trying to get physical contact. I also get extremely nervous, which I think it what ruined my last date. Any particular tips about how I can stop being so serious and nervous?
nospam99 Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 LOL because I'm all for the spreadsheet and I have one. Have to keep track of the women I've sent unsolicited messages to who did not respond so I don't 'bother' them again. Also Match keeps changing the amount of info they provide. I've got over 150 women who I'D otherwise like to meet but wrote in their profiles that I'm not the right body type (athletic), religion (serious Christian), politics (MUST HATE Trump), or have a high enough salary (no longer listed in profiles but nevertheless a dealbreaker). Keeping track of them too so I don't waste time with a message. And that's not counting the autorejects on my height and age. When your Search returns almost 800 'matches', you've got to filter. Of course Match (or any other dating site/app) COULD allow there Searches to be configured to only return profiles of people to whom the searcher is acceptable. But then they'd look bad because they wouldn't return as many hits.
preraph Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 Just don't mention the spreadsheet or the other women. It's okay to let them know you're occasionally going on dates. Pace yourself, but don't keep them waiting long for a first date. It's okay if you want to schedule a couple this week and then ask a couple more if they want to go out NEXT week and set a date.
malaiyas Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Do whatever it is that you need to do to keep it straight in your own mind. But absolutely do not mention having a spreadsheet with women's names and information on it to any of them! As far as nerves go, that's an internal battle for sure. Confidence is the one thing that will help to abate that, otherwise I'd recommend viewing that initial meeting as just a means of seeing if this is someone you COULD like. Don't put so much pressure on these first dates. You may find that just having so many helps you to do that!
alphamale Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Any particular tips about how I can stop being so serious and nervous? get your hands on some CBD oil
Author max3732 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Posted July 15, 2019 Do whatever it is that you need to do to keep it straight in your own mind. But absolutely do not mention having a spreadsheet with women's names and information on it to any of them! As far as nerves go, that's an internal battle for sure. Confidence is the one thing that will help to abate that, otherwise I'd recommend viewing that initial meeting as just a means of seeing if this is someone you COULD like. Don't put so much pressure on these first dates. You may find that just having so many helps you to do that! Thanks! I've downloaded the profiles so I can cycle through them and put basic info on a spreadsheet so I can remember basic info. My first date is coming up and I'm excited. One question I had is if it's ok to complement the fact she's in such good shape. On her profile she mentioned one of her interests was food, but also has a picture wearing a skimpy bikini. Is it ok to make a joke that based on what good shape she's in that she either has a great workout routine or isn't indulging in too much food?
clia Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 My first date is coming up and I'm excited. One question I had is if it's ok to complement the fact she's in such good shape. On her profile she mentioned one of her interests was food, but also has a picture wearing a skimpy bikini. Is it ok to make a joke that based on what good shape she's in that she either has a great workout routine or isn't indulging in too much food? I think this is kind of risky on a first date. It can be totally fine, depending on the context, the conversation, your rapport with her, etc. On the other hand, it can also come across as creepy.
Author max3732 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Posted July 15, 2019 LOL because I'm all for the spreadsheet and I have one. Have to keep track of the women I've sent unsolicited messages to who did not respond so I don't 'bother' them again. Also Match keeps changing the amount of info they provide. I've got over 150 women who I'D otherwise like to meet but wrote in their profiles that I'm not the right body type (athletic), religion (serious Christian), politics (MUST HATE Trump), or have a high enough salary (no longer listed in profiles but nevertheless a dealbreaker). Keeping track of them too so I don't waste time with a message. And that's not counting the autorejects on my height and age. When your Search returns almost 800 'matches', you've got to filter. Of course Match (or any other dating site/app) COULD allow there Searches to be configured to only return profiles of people to whom the searcher is acceptable. But then they'd look bad because they wouldn't return as many hits. Glad I'm not the only one having issues tracking matches! You know what's really bad on Match? They don't tell you which matches you're in a conversation with and which haven't responded so you have to scroll through tons of messages with no response to find someone you talking with. I almost ended up ignoring someone I really liked because her message got lost in the crowd. What's really amazing about all these women I've been messaging is they're the same religion and political party as me. Those 2 items have also been problems on dates before. In my other attempts at OLD I haven't encountered many people of the same political viewpoint since where I live is about 70% the other party, so I'm excited about that. Can I bring up her general political party since she put it on her profile? Or wait until date 2 or 3 for that?
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Am I the only one who thinks a spreadsheet is a tad creepy? Oh well, whatever floats your boat I guess. I agree with others who said to NOT mention it. And for that matter, don't mention that you have several dates lined up or anything like that. Better to keep it super vague. It's assumed you're both dating others until such time so just leave that subject alone. As for getting through them all, I would definitely pace yourself. A couple this week another couple next etc. Pumping through quickly will only create more confusion for you in trying to keep each of them straight in your head. Best to take your time, enjoy each one's company, process, decide if they're worth a second date and then move on to the next. Personally, I wouldn't invest in a drawn-out brunch on any of these ladies for a first date. When you have that many to get through, it's better to just meet for a couple of drinks and spend that time getting to know about each other better. If it's a great date, it's enough time to wet each other's whistle in anticipation for your next date. If it's dud, it's over fairly quickly without having spent a lot of money on them. Just my two cents. Regarding your nerves and not having kissed anyone in 10 years, relax. Kissing or making out is rarely expected on a first date. Go in for a nice hug upon meeting and when you're done the date but there is no need to worry about kissing right off the bat. Good luck.
Foxhall Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 there was another thread recently, a chap who cannot get any first dates, perhaps you could advise him??
Recommended Posts