mark1210 Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 Hi There-- I've been dating this girl for about 2 weeks now, I was recently made aware that although she has her own apartment she has been staying over at her ex's parents house. Her reasoning for this is that every other day they get to see their baby of 18 months. Also, she claims that someone she was dating 6 months ago went psycho on her and she had to get a restraining order. She claims because of this she doesn't feel comfortable living alone at the apartment. She said in the next 4-6 months she plans on getting another apartment elsewhere. To me, it just seems odd she would be living there rather than perhaps with her mom who lives 30 mins away. Her ex, and his parents know of me and everything and their relationship ended 3 years ago. When this girl became pregnant he left her. The part that really bothers me is that he will be in town next week and will be staying at his parents house where the girl I am dating is now staying. Should I be concerned? Is this even normal? She says I have nothing to worry about, if they were going to get back together it would have happened years ago.
fusangite Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 Could you please clarify the child's custody arrangement? Where does the kid live? What were previous arrangements like? Depending on what the situation is there, this woman's actions might be completely reasonable. Wanting to be near your kid as much as humanly possible is a good character trait not a bad one.
Tankgirl Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 Sounds like this girl has some major drama in her life - are you willing to take that on? Because realisticaly you will be. If your gut says its too messy/complicated. It probably is.
Author mark1210 Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 Originally, she was living with her ex of 4 years. Now that she has been single for 3 years he is away in some other state receiving military training. The child is cared for 50/50 by her and him (in this case his parents). She claims she moved closer to his parents because of the child. Just seems fishy, she has been very upcoming and truthful to be best of my knowledge but just seems odd. Plus I am not too keen on her living there when her ex comes into visit.
SuperMonk Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 Sounds like this girl has some major drama in her life - are you willing to take that on? Because realisticaly you will be. If your gut says its too messy/complicated. It probably is. She's no good bro, move on to a woman that doesn't have an ex hanging around in the background.
Copingsaw Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Its good that she wants to be with her kid but just the fact that her ex's parents have 1/2 custody says there is something very unusual going on. Typically, it would be one or the other that has custody with visitation rights. If the kid is not living with the mom or the dad, I would be wondering why. I'm with supermonk, this relationship spells trouble.
Outcast Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 There is nothing odd or wierd about any of this. Nor is it a big deal that the ex is in the picture. 1. An ex will always be in the picture if a child is involved (unless he's the sort of SOB that deserts his own children). There is nothing odd or wierd about that. 2. The custody was awarded to both parents. Because the ex is in the military doing training and therefore not home to take care of the child during his 50% of the time, his parents (child's grandparents) take care of the child. Nothing odd or wierd about that. 3. She of course wants to be close to her baby. The only thing odd or wierd is anybody thinking that would be odd or wierd - she's the kid's mom! A lot of mothers don't like being away from their children for one night, much less have the kid live elsewhere. 4. She has had trouble with some guy who threatened her. Her kid's grandparents (who are not required to hate her, nor she them just because she broke up with their son) have offered her shelter to protect her temporarily. Nothing odd or wierd in that. However, if you can't handle dealing with a woman who has a child who has a father who will never vanish forever (or at least you hope not for the kid's sake), then take off. You need to be mature enough to deal with such a situation and thinking it's odd or wierd for a mother to want to be close to her kid shows maybe you're not quite there yet.
Topper Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 I'm with outcast on this one. I don't see anything wrong with her staying with her Child's Grandparents. She might have bad relationship with her own Mother and Father and Her ex Parents might be filling some void in her life. If you care about this woman and her child then you better make friends with the Child's Grandparents. Let her know your discomfort with the ex coming back into Town But don't make a big thing of it or you will loss. You are always , always going to come in 2nd when it comes to her child. Deal with it or move on.
Author mark1210 Posted September 27, 2005 Author Posted September 27, 2005 Thanks gang. I realize I will always come second to a woman and her child, and frankly thats the way it should be. I voiced my discomfort regarding the living situation and apparently I got my wires crossed. She thanked me for telling her how I felt. She will be staying at her apartment or with her mom when he is at home with his parents. She said it just didn't seem right to be there when he was home. The grandparents know of me, and from what I've heard support me and her dating. They supposedly indicated they are glad that she found someone that makes her happy. I feel I am ready for it and well receptive to the situation at hand. She apparently feels the same as she mentioned it to me countless times that most guys run as soon as they find out about everything. The way I see it, if they were going to get back together, it would have happened way before now.
Copingsaw Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Hmmm ... I either misread or it wasn't very clear. I didn't realize that he was in the military and not able to be there all the time. I also thought it sounded like he was the one who abused her and that she was staying with the parents of the abusee. Not so bad given that these assumptions are apparently not true. Good luck.
Recommended Posts