preraph Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 Sounds like he doesn't like your bedside manner. And both of you sound pretty arrogant. 2
DrNo1962 Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 Why do you think I'm confusing the aesthetic with the mindset? When I say "masculine", I'm thinking of guys who are 'men's men'. Abandons the women at a BBQ to hand out with the guys, popular with other men, would rather play football than watch a chick flick, not particularly stylish. Still quite capable of enjoying love and openness all that comes with it though. Polarity requires one to court while the other open's up to receive their courtship. Otherwise, chemistry/attraction just won't happen. Whilst men are capable of receiving affection/love (of course anyone can), it's not masculine energy to be talking about feelings/relationship labels etc. As a caveat, I don't mean masculine/feminine energy as being innately male or female. You can refer to it as yin/yang for all intents and purposes. From what OP is saying, it looks like both display a strong bias towards masculine energy and unless one takes up the role of the "female" then this courthsip won't end well.
basil67 Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 Polarity requires one to court while the other open's up to receive their courtship. Otherwise, chemistry/attraction just won't happen. Nah. There was no courtship when I met my hubby. We got drunk on the day we met, we had wild sex all night and after that we were equal in pursuing the other. Chemistry was off the charts.
DrNo1962 Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 Nah. There was no courtship when I met my hubby. We got drunk on the day we met, we had wild sex all night and after that we were equal in pursuing the other. Chemistry was off the charts. Just because you got together in the way you described doesn't nullify my point. Even in marriage, the courtship never ends.
basil67 Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 Apparently I have no experience of what you're talking about. It's all equal here.
PRW Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 Apparently I have no experience of what you're talking about. It's all equal here.DrNo1962 and I are in agreement on the point he is making. Another term for the concept is Sexual Polarity. But neither of us can see you and your husband in your day to day interaction along the way. However it is very common to be able to see dynamics happening in a couple's relationship from a third person point of view that the couple themselves can't see from their first person view. I must be bored with my real job. This has all become a big hobby of mine in real life far beyond LS. I'm in a Meetup.com singles group that is about 4,500 singles so I have a lot of "lab rats" to observe and I rarely get surprised, and most of them never see what is happening with themselves (good or bad) until I point it out to them. In any case kudos to the two of you for making it work so well. Trust me it is rare.
JuneL Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 PRW: I don’t disagree with your main point. Actually you’ve been making this point in other threads. But... There’re women who like a more beta guy. My best friend is a prime example. I could see that there’re times she wished her hubby took a more leader role. But she values the certainty and control when she’s with her more beta hubby. 1
PRW Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 PRW: I don’t disagree with your main point. Actually you’ve been making this point in other threads. But... There’re women who like a more beta guy. My best friend is a prime example. I could see that there’re times she wished her hubby took a more leader role. But she values the certainty and control when she’s with her more beta hubby.Then they still have Sexual Polarity,...it is just flipped around. I think it is rare like that and more prone to failure, but I acknowledge that some people do make it work.
olivetree Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 I agree about the sexual polarity in general, though I'm not sure if this has much to do with masculine/feminine. Saying that one is powerful and no one is on their level isn't really a masculine/feminine thing to announce. There just seems to be two big egos in the room. Usually there is only space for one - so it's not really a match. So to answer your question OP... Saying you need to bring your walls down isn't necessarily flirting. I could give the same advice to a friend, so it's hard to say if it means anything at all.
amaysngrace Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 He’s telling you to put your walls down because he thinks you’re stubborn. 2
basil67 Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 I'm always disagreeing with him or telling him he did something wrong... Is this a trait which you think men will desire in a relationship?
Author Mayaiana Posted July 10, 2019 Author Posted July 10, 2019 I agree about the sexual polarity in general, though I'm not sure if this has much to do with masculine/feminine. Saying that one is powerful and no one is on their level isn't really a masculine/feminine thing to announce. There just seems to be two big egos in the room. Usually there is only space for one - so it's not really a match. So to answer your question OP... Saying you need to bring your walls down isn't necessarily flirting. I could give the same advice to a friend, so it's hard to say if it means anything at all. I simply work with him it really is no consolaqtion to him how i'd be with my man nor were we THAT comfortable for him to say it but he did and looked down smiling as he said it. It was my bday a couple days prior and I had received flowers and he said wow who are these from. I simply said special people he said wow lot of special people but i didn't tell him who sent them. Then towards the day he grabbed my "youre so special"balloon looked at me and said you're so special as if trying to find out i['m assuming who swent it. Then he ended up saying the above. He was telling me he's just aas good as me as in high level, that he like me has walls and tells me to bring mine down when I ask him he says he's working on bringing his down. To me he wouldn't bother to go that far and say all that if hes not trying to see himself as man and even find out if i have a man
basil67 Posted July 10, 2019 Posted July 10, 2019 Oh wait...he's not your boyfriend? I incorrectly thought he was. Based on the above, it sounds like he wants you stop playing games with him.
Author Mayaiana Posted July 10, 2019 Author Posted July 10, 2019 Oh wait...he's not your boyfriend? I incorrectly thought he was. Based on the above, it sounds like he wants you stop playing games with him. No he isn't which is why i found it strange, hes the doctor i work with.Why do you think he said this?
basil67 Posted July 10, 2019 Posted July 10, 2019 Because you were being unnecessarily secretive with the flowers. Playing games with him. Why not just answer his question? 1
Author Mayaiana Posted July 10, 2019 Author Posted July 10, 2019 Because you were being unnecessarily secretive with the flowers. Playing games with him. Why not just answer his question? I meant why asking me then having that whole talk with me?
basil67 Posted July 10, 2019 Posted July 10, 2019 The whole talk about letting your walls down? Because you're being unnecessarily secretive and playing games. You're also arrogant with him - never a good move with your superior. 2
Author Mayaiana Posted July 10, 2019 Author Posted July 10, 2019 The whole talk about letting your walls down? Because you're being unnecessarily secretive and playing games. You're also arrogant with him - never a good move with your superior. again why does he care about myy personal life and comparing him to me and saying basically let your walls down and i'll let mine down.
Author Mayaiana Posted July 14, 2019 Author Posted July 14, 2019 So he's a young doctor I work with (34 and im 29). We've had our spats or when he's told me something he's realized i have a leader personality since i don't take it well when someone gives me orders (also applying to medical school). I was in his office the other day and he said yeah even working in this company he isn't his own boss might as well work for uber I said yes we go to school for 10 years and still not our own boss. Then he said well at least I'm your boss smiling. I didn't like what he said and looked to my side. He said you didn't like that did you and smiling. I said no. He said I know smiling. I said how do you know? He said because no one can tell you anything.. not even your man, looking down and smiling (mind you i've never mentioned a man or anything, we've been working together 2 months and barely becoming comfortable with eachother. I found this strange I said yes because i'm powerful and it has to be equal and he has to respect me. He said yes but you have to put down your walls a bit. I said yes because I don't let people in, no one's on my level. He said I know no one's on my level either. I said really? he said yeah I have my walls up too. I said then why are you telling me to put my walls down when yours are up? He said because I'm working on lowering my walls too. Why did he have this conversation with me? and refer to my man?
smackie9 Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 (edited) Well it's definitely not about romance....professionally he's trying to solve an issue between you two, to make your work relationship better. He was wondering if this is how you treat men in general...that was what the was comment for. It had nothing to do with him fishing around to see if you were single or not. So basically he was trying to find a way for you two to get along, to get to know each other better, and to but your egos aside....be real with each other. Edited July 14, 2019 by smackie9 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 OP, did you not already post essentially the same question in your last thread? Did you not bother to read the replies? It is clear you post so we will tell you he likes you, so I am not sure what sort of advice you're really seeking that hasn't already been given. 2
preraph Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 Obviously, she's looking for a different answer. Wants to hear something besides that she's hard to work with. 2
smackie9 Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 Well looky there...there's that stubbornness everyone was talking about. 3
JuneL Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 Perhaps ask him to refer you to a good therapist to work out your obsession. 3
PRW Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 OP, did you not already post essentially the same question in your last thread?Yea, that through me a bit. I knew I had responded to it, but then there was no post here from me. So I thought either a Mod deleted my post or this had to be a copy of the other thread
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