Maddie82 Posted July 13, 2019 Posted July 13, 2019 (edited) Why have you changed your original post? Edited July 13, 2019 by Maddie82
Maddie82 Posted July 13, 2019 Posted July 13, 2019 I suspect he’s narcissistic...and the nerve..talking to me like I’m a child? I’m on a time out until Monday because he says so?? He is shady and his behavior is suspicious From what I've been reading you aren't exactly innocent in this either. You're blaming and labeling him but you you have some deep insecurities that largely contributes to the problems between you. Get yourself some help and ditch this guy. You're bad for each other. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 13, 2019 Posted July 13, 2019 (edited) He's abusive and controlling and making you believe you are at fault. It would be in your interest to give him his time to be alone but make it permenant. I am not sure this guy can be called abusive and controlling. What it sounds like is he has reached his limit with the OP and he's feeling smothered, pulled on, frustrated. He isn't calling her names or swearing at her. It's more likely that he's dropped his hints and she's slow on the uptake. She has admitted to being needy, clingy and pesty when guys show interest. When someone is like this they will chase a dating prospect down especially if it seems like they are losing interest. Edited July 13, 2019 by Redhead14 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 13, 2019 Posted July 13, 2019 honestly I think Op does have a boundary or inability to respect ones autonomy issue I also can see gaslighting and unwarranted hostility coming from the boyfriend in this area to. for me personally I rather proactively respect a guys autonomy and let him initiate when he wants to spend time and talk most of the time but at the same time I have boundaries. if I start to see distant behavior such as going an extremely unreasonable long time without calling or seeing each other or irritability when we do engage then I would say something and if its still an issue I would just simply breakup.
Maddie82 Posted July 13, 2019 Posted July 13, 2019 I am not sure this guy can be called abusive and controlling. What it sounds like is he has reached his limit with the OP and he's feeling smothered, pulled on, frustrated. He isn't calling her names or swearing at her. It's more likely that he's dropped his hints and she's slow on the uptake. She has admitted to being needy, clingy and pesty when guys show interest. When someone is like this they will chase a dating prospect down especially if it seems like they are losing interest. Yeah after reading more of her comments I understand that now. She didn't say a thing about her own behavior in her original post. I realise now that he feels smothered by her and she's not taking any responsibility for that.
stillafool Posted July 13, 2019 Posted July 13, 2019 I get it..it’s why I’m seeing a professional next week I have abandonment issues from childhood. He knows this..which is why when he doesn’t like how I’m “behaving” he will threaten abandonment. You should dump this guy and not date until you address these issues with a professional to help you not feel so insecure. If not, you are going to relive this problem over and over again and end up alone.
dispatch3d Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 hmmm a break at that stage definitely seems bad, but I really hate how this guy is behaving. I would just break up if I were you. Also as someone else keenly pointed out, if you aren't having sex from a guys perspective everything is far from "awesome".
kendahke Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 (edited) And again, if is a narcissist, WHY exactly do you want to date him? Because this is more about winning than it is anything else. I am not perfect, but I don’t feel I was smothering him. \. Well he does, which is why he unzipped the lizard on you... He never had to wonder about you because you were always turning up. No mystery. When you try to dominate all of his free time, it's not unhealthy when he asks you to back up. When you ignored that is when he had to get jerkish with you. Having no regard for how your behavior comes across is at the heart of your problems. Edited July 15, 2019 by kendahke 3
Redhead14 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 The guy isn't meeting your dating needs and expectations PERIOD. Move on. And, frankly, there's nothing to break up from. He's not treating you like a girlfriend (even if you went to a "family event", that by itself doesn't mean you're his girlfriend. It just likely means he wanted a plus 1 and/or a buffer. If you stop feeding a stray cat, it will usually stop coming by.
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 I get it..it’s why I’m seeing a professional next week I have abandonment issues from childhood. He knows this..which is why when he doesn’t like how I’m “behaving” he will threaten abandonment. It's not so much him as you. He's bad for you & you know it but you don't want to accept it because your brain is mis-wired -- you think that any relationship even one as bad & unhealthy as this one is better then nothing. You are wrong. You need to address your abandonment issues, work on your self esteem & move forward in a healthy way. Sticking around with a guy you think his a narcissist, who prays on your insecurities & who makes you insecure / unhappy is a bad plan. Walk away. 2
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