Author OatsAndHall Posted July 16, 2019 Author Posted July 16, 2019 How many dates do you have before pulling the plug if they haven't been anything to write home about? I'd stop after the first. I've learned to be fairly forgiving on first dates as they can be nerve racking for some people. I won't pull the plug unless red flags pop up or it's obvious that I'm not going to click with someone. But, I don't move forward after a poor second date. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 So with the woman that was the subject of this post, did you drop her? Based on your rules, this is a violation. And if she agreed, and you are same page type of people, you should have dropped her. I think that goes to prove that some women will give you lip service but especially if you are meeting them online it's not realistic in the least to expect them to shut everything down after the first date with you. I think a better use of your time would be to figure out why you can't get past date 2 or 3 in general. If you are only dating people who agree to no multi-dating, multi-dating is not the reason you aren't being successful since it's not in play. Maybe meet them in ways other than online. Even when you say you pull plug that just goes to show you that you alone are giving too much of your own time and effort to someone you don't have enough information about to determine if she is right to give your time and attention to. You are putting the cart before the horse and it's deflating you, making you bitter & jaded (sorry, it's what I take from some of your posts). Maybe being bitter and jaded and on the rigid side are what you need to work on. Putting the no multi-dating rule to the side for a second, I think working on these things will get you farther and closer to where you want to be with dating. *I forgot who said it so apologies but whoever said "stragglers" is right. I've said it a ton of different ways but saying what you say at the end of a date comes off as a guy with dating baggage and without options and yeah a straggler. It's like you are planting the seed of something that may have never crossed the woman's mind and now all she can notice on the next two dates is how you fit that perception (vs anything good that you are also bringing to the table).
spiderowl Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 I have online 'friends', people I chat to who are often far away. I wouldn't want to stop chatting to them because I was dating someone. If I have got as far as going out with someone, I am taking him seriously. If we go on more dates, then I obviously like him and I am thinking maybe this could develop if we get on well. Sometimes issues crop up or I find a personality trait unattractive and then stop dating. Obviously, I trust myself and know that I am not seeking to date anyone else at the same time. I might chat to people but that's all. What matters to me is what is in my heart. If I like the guy I am seeing, why would I want to date anyone else? If I am unsure and just getting to know him, then I see that as non-committal on either side. I wouldn't be sleeping with anyone though, it's too soon. I know that if I really like someone, he is the only one I am interested in. I am naturally monogamous. If he started quizzing me about friends or implied he didn't trust me or that I should not be talking to anyone else, I would have to back out of that relationship. It would feel too constrained. I think especially when a relationship is very new, both people should keep their options open, profiles up, but see how it goes. A new relationship is very insecure by its nature - you haven't had an argument or experienced conflicting values or behaviour. There seems to me little point in expecting too much at that stage, just seeing how it goes. If I wanted to sleep with someone, I would want to be sure he wasn't sleeping with others. I think it's fair enough to require that, but one can't control the others' friends and contacts. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 17, 2019 Posted July 17, 2019 yea I dont believe in trying to be romantic with multiple people. some of us multi daters are looking to be in an exclusive relationship. I think the confusion is that people who think of multi dating thinks its all one thing. people think trying to be a player or something. for some it really is that way and for others its just another way to go about getting to exclusivity. what you describe as multi-meeting is what others call multi dating. but I understood that op was expecting the woman to focus on him only at the beginning meeting stage which is why many of us was like huh Even though I was multi dating, I was looking for something exclusive. Once I became exclusive, there were no other guys. Heck I wish I multi dated while progressing into a LDR. This guy never texted me, always flaked on vid chats and never paid much attention to me. For the meetups, I was the one doing all the planning and he wasn't even all that thrilled when I flew down to meet him. Being desperate at that point in my life, I took his crap. Had I been seeing a couple guys (while still single), I wouldn't have been so drawn to him. When I started dating, I would drop all other guys as soon as one caught my interest. This was a terrible way of dating. Until a guy proves himself, I'm not going to give him exclusivity. A lot of times I did that early on just to be rejected w/"I'm not ready for a relationship". These guys were the ones who pushed for a relationship in the 1st place!
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