jerrygordon3 Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 So, if you read my previous posts I was in a really unhealthy relationship for years where I had that whole, lapse in confidence, codependency, thing. I stayed w an extremely abusive female partner for years. About 6 months ago I was healing still, and kind of in this mid life crisis place. I wanted to change my career. I ended up moving to Ukraine for 5 months cause I had always wanted to live in a different country and its cheap. I ended up meeting this really great girl there. We got along decently well. She was funny, fit, and gorgeous. Committed. Etc. Long story short I dont think I loved her. I was trying to make her fit the bill cause she was everything on my "list". So here's the thing. I realized that someone I had been casually hanging out with for about 1.5 years was growing on me. I caught myself thinking about her all of the sudden. All the time. Wondering what she was doing. Getting totally twitterpated. Lol, I even have this weird innate protective thing. More or less, I have a very natural love for her that grew over time until I realized I was fighting it cause I hadn't been ready... I told my friends and family how I felt and my mom told me I had something really rare. Shes kind and funny and we get along great and I love her for her personality. We had a couple big talks and decided to date exclusively. I'm historically kind of wary of commitment. But it's been a month of being exclusive but November is the 2 year mark of us starting to "date". I've never been so sure about someone before. I trust her completely with my heart and emotions and feel safe with her. We both already talked and agreed we want to move towards the next step but I've decided to wait for at LEAST 3 months to propose. But I already bought an engagement ring. And told one person- my close friend..who proceeded to tell me to chill the F Out and think about proposing in 6 months to a year. Am I being an idiot and completely impulsive, or is it okay to feel this way with how long we've been dating?
schlumpy Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 I think you have to take your own advice on this matter. I knew my wife less than a year before we got married. It just felt like the right time. You reach a point in the relationship where you have to commit or move on to someone you can commit to. That of course is if marriage is what you are looking for. You are the only one to know if you are at that point or not. How long to do you see being engaged? Best Wishes 1
Author jerrygordon3 Posted July 12, 2019 Author Posted July 12, 2019 Honestly I'd probably propose in 3 months and the engagement depending on wedding costs and all that I'm assuming we would kind of make a financial plan and try and schedule it for however long out it would take us to save but, she wants a simple beach wedding where as I want a very formal wedding lol. But less than a year
schlumpy Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 I think that is plenty of time to make sure you have a good chance at success. Good Luck 1
preraph Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 You just be sure you really know her and that you aren't starry eyed and overlooking red flags and that she isn't abusive and you aren't repeating patterns. Hard to give advice on something like that since I don't know if you played a part in letting an abuser in and enabling one or what happened. But you need to know this woman through bad times as well as good before you really know her. See how she is when you are too broke to go anywhere for a couple of weeks. See how she is if you're ill or a bad stroke of luck like car trouble and the like. Just be sure you know her and she's not still just putting on a good front. Also, get to know her finances and her expectations re if you did marry. Would she insist on quitting work? Would she insist on sharing YOUR money, or does she bring money to the partnership. Is the partnership balanced in every way, in other words? Don't jump into anything if you feel you're doing the most and she's doing the least, that's all. 1
ChatroomHero Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 I thin it depends on how much you were hanging out before being exclusive. I've had friends I have known for year that were always cool people. Then we would take a group trip and being around each other I found they were really different personality-wise than I had thought. Usually with women I date I try to reserve judgment until we run a cycle...birthday parties, her birthday, mine, Christmas or a major holiday, family get togethers, a vacation away etc. I have to see who they are for sure and how they act in different settings we'd go through during the course of the year. I find my initial impressions for someone I date can't really be solidified until we run somewhat of a cycle. Some people stress at holidays, stress family parties...and how they handle things shapes my opinion. If you feel you have been together enough to know her, have at it. If you hung out with her a day every other week over the 1.5 years, you know her socially but not relationship-wise and your judgment of her might be premature. 3
Inspire Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 You could just as easily advance your relationship by moving in together, which IMO is a good thing to do anyway.
preraph Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 The most important thing is that you continue to use your own birth control so that you don't end up tied to her for life financially.
PRW Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 (edited) 2 years is plenty of time to figure it out. If you are trying to push it farther out then you are just looking for excuses. At this rate, in the future you will be back here complaining that your "fiance" of 4 years just gave up on you and dumped you. If you bought a ring you should be giving it to her the next day,...or don't buy one. If the relationship is healthy she knows it is coming anyway. Proposals in a healthy relationship are never REALLY a surprise. The "surpise", screaming, and squealing is just an act. You drag it out too long and before you know it your first-born looks like the mailman. Edited July 12, 2019 by PRW
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