Did i bribe my boyfriend into forgiving me with a candy bar? I feel stupid

[KinderTingz]

My boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch. And it’s mainly because I let things other people say get to me especially comments about our age gap.

 

 

But I think last week was the final straw my boyfriend has barely been talking to me and I feel awful. So on Sunday i bought his favorite candy from the dollar store , a 50 cent Mickey Mouse balloon and a small card and wrote how sorry I was and left it on his front porch while he was at work. The card read “i loved him and how sorry I was for the past few weeks and how I missed my best friend and I hope he could find it in his heart to forgive me”

Apparently my boyfriend read the card and he actually texted me and asked me how i was doing and trying to talk to me again I told a few people what i did and how i bought favorite candy and a card for him to open up to me again and now everyone it’s telling me I bought his forgiveness and bribed him and it was stupid because he’s not a child

 

 

I don’t want to feel like he forgave me because of candy. That wasn’t my intent. I just thought that would move a nice gesture. Was it dumb of me to apologize that way? I’m not sure if he even wants to make up

[Flame Aura]

My boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch. And it’s mainly because I let things other people say get to me especially comments about our age gap.

 

 

But I think last week was the final straw my boyfriend has barely been talking to me and I feel awful. So on Sunday i bought his favorite candy from the dollar store , a 50 cent Mickey Mouse balloon and a small card and wrote how sorry I was and left it on his front porch while he was at work. The card read “i loved him and how sorry I was for the past few weeks and how I missed my best friend and I hope he could find it in his heart to forgive me”

Apparently my boyfriend read the card and he actually texted me and asked me how i was doing and trying to talk to me again I told a few people what i did and how i bought favorite candy and a card for him to open up to me again and now everyone it’s telling me I bought his forgiveness and bribed him and it was stupid because he’s not a child

 

 

I don’t want to feel like he forgave me because of candy. That wasn’t my intent. I just thought that would move a nice gesture. Was it dumb of me to apologize that way? I’m not sure if he even wants to make up

And there you are... doing it again the exact same thing that's causing your problem.

 

 

Who CARES what these other people think? You certainly do otherwise you wouldn't have made this topic.

 

 

The result of your actions is he is talking to you again. That's all that matters, not what these other people think.

 

 

FYI I think what you did was extremely thoughtful and sweet, I'm sure he did too.

 

 

You really do need to stop letting what other people say/think affect you.

[KinderTingz]

Well they made me feel like i showed up to his house unannounced and didnt respect his boundaries

Edited July 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Flame Aura]

You need new friends.

Edited July 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Kitty Tantrum]

Did he tell you to stay away?

 

What you did sounds like an unusually formal apology in this day and age - but all that really goes to show is how badly manners have decayed, if you ask me. Unless there's some subtext you're leaving out, I don't see how this is at all like bribing a child. It sounds like the sort of gesture most reasonable people would be grateful for.

 

This sort of thing is why I pretty much stopped talking to people. I've found that some folks will hurl baseless criticisms for no other reason than that they like to listen to themselves talking down to other people. I do what I want and I watch how it plays out, and nobody needs to know about anything that doesn't involve or impact them. Forget the peanut gallery.

[KinderTingz]

No he didn’t but he was barely speaking to me so I didn’t know what else to do to get his attention. I know it’s shamed uponed coming to people houses unannounced and I didn’t want to over step my boundary but after writing my post here i do feel better

Edited July 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Redhead14]

Well they made me feel like i showed up to his house unannounced and didnt respect his boundaries

 

It doesn't matter what THEY say. What matters is how your boyfriend viewed this. In other words, F them, they are wrong. You didn't do anything wrong (unless he's told you not to come to his place unannounced. And, if he did, I'd be wondering what's up wid dat. It's doesn't sound like it though.

 

If it were the other way around and he dropped off a bouquet of flowers on your doorstep to say sorry, would they be trashing him?

[emeraldgreen]

Okay, so let's summarise

 

• You're mature enough to apologise for things
  

• You know how to express regret
  

• You know your boyfriend's favourite things
  

• You know how to turn an apology into a sweet gesture and de-escalate a problem
  

 

Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, your friends are nut sacks.

[Gretchen12]

Is he much younger than you? You do realize?, that your "friends" were insulting your boyfriend and making fun of you when they say this man can be bribed by dollar store candy and a Mickey Mouse balloon.

[KinderTingz]

I’m younger actually

Edited July 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[d0nnivain]

Men give women flowers all the time to apologize. That's why it's a cliché. But it works.

 

Women don't generally give men flowers because men don't want flowers. They prefer food.

 

You apologized in a time honored way by going out of your way to give your SO something he likes. That is not a bribe. It's a classic act of relationship contrition.

 

Besides how worthless do you think your BF is that he can be bribed with a some candy, a balloon & a card? What did you spend, $10? It's not about the money. It's about the gesture. For it to be a bribe it would have to be about the money & in that case you'd have to add several zeros to the $10.

 

Stop talking to your so called friends. They are steering you wrong. Learn to keep your own counsel. Your BF is right that you are too easily swayed by other's opinions. When you learn to believe in yourself more you will be better served & happier.

[KinderTingz]

Thanks everyone I understand. Is he ready to start the make up process I’m scared to push anything right now and don’t want rejection?

[d0nnivain]

You said he texted you after he received the card & was "trying to talk to you again." That sounds like a path to making up. What do you think it was?

 

BTW, you can't fix a relationship through text. You need face to face in person communication.

[KinderTingz]

For some reason I’m nervous to face him. I really messed up this time. And I’m insecure so I thought he just texted me that to check in on me or just to say he go the things on his door step

Edited July 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[basil67]

If you're nervous to face him, then I suspect you've got him on a pedestal. Bring him down from that pedestal and view him as a person who you need to connect with.

[Gretchen12]

What makes reconciliation possible is if you understand what went wrong and how to fix it. Otherwise, the gift gesture only brought you his good will but no faith in things working out.

[schlumpy]

What you did was brilliant. Something sweet, something to make him smile and a sincere apology. I can think many times in my life where I should have done exactly as you did and there are also times when I wish someone else had done the same for me.

 

I think he will back around.

 

Remember to control your emotions when people are trying to push your button. It helps to maintain your dignity and the respect of other people.

 

Best Wishes

[basil67]

I'd buy my hubby a pack of craft beer if I needed to apologise. Nothing wrong at all with a gift.

[preraph]

I don't think your friends' point is you bought him, really. I think they have some larger issue with maybe how he treats you and maybe that it's you who's apologizing. I can't imagine it's really they think you bought him. The more important thing was the apology -- if it was you who was at fault. I just wonder if they feel it was him at fault and think you're silly for trying to smooth it over -- but I have no way of knowing from what you wrote.

[Curiousroxy86]

I kinda want to know what the heck you did though lol

[Lotsgoingon]

Curious plays her title role here! And I'm hiding behind you ... cause I want to know the original offense as well.

 

OP, you're way too insecure about a great gesture ... makes me wonder if you really did something awful ... or just something that in your self-critical mind, feels awful.

Edited July 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[crispytoast]

Im curious three

[KinderTingz]

I was on the phone with my friends and apparently my boyfriend over heard me but I told her i paid his cable bill and i was trying to work extra hours to help him catch up on his water bill. I told them i gave him gas money. They asked why i was working so much lately and i told them why. I just basically said i was supporting him until my birthday in August came and he got upset

[Kelliousme]

Mind me asking, how old are you guys? You sound really young. You also worry too much about what others think of you, which is why I'm thinking you're really young.

 

What's the age gap? If he's much older.. why are YOU paying for his bills? I would assume he's the more financially stable one.. so what's happening here? I guess I understand why he got upset. But to get mad and whatnot, that's an overkill.. esp when you are PAYING for his bills.

 

Again, why do you tell your "friends" everything and have them affect your choices/feelings?

[KinderTingz]

I donÂ’t tell them everything honestly but IÂ’m open with my relationship. I didnÂ’t think it was that big of a deal i give my boyfriend money all of the time so i couldnÂ’t understand why he was so mad. He told me i told his personal issues. HeÂ’s 29. HeÂ’s not financially stable right now unfortunately. He is living from paycheck to paycheck and i got in the middle of helping him

 

He felt like i betrayed him and I embarrassed him and I never knew it was that big of a deal until this happened

Edited July 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator