theone79 Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 I recently broke it off with a young lady I was dating. She was a very goodhearted person but the issue is she was very clingy. She called throughout the day to "check on me" and got upset if I didn't respond. No matter how tired or beat I was from work or the gym every night she came up with a reason for me to come to her home or she visit mine. Even when I tried to talk to her about us backing away a little from each other but she didn't accept it. She text me these two-paragraph essays about how she is a good woman and she wonder if I want this friendship. She used the word "friendship" to cover up the fact that she wanted a relationship after I told her I do not want that right now. It got so bad it got to the point I actually had to cut her off. Ignored her text, declined her friend request when she unfriended me and then try to friend me back. I feel bad but I also feel at peace without her because it was very miserable for me. Am I wrong?
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 No you're not wrong. You tried to be polite and back away gently but she didn't get the hint. Sometimes we have to be brutal to get our message across to some people. Hopefully she'll disappear but if not, I would go one step further and just block her outright.
kendahke Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 Not at all. You didn't owe her a relationship on her terms alone. Some people just aren't mature enough for relationships--and certainly, if one is incapable of self-soothing. That's a stress you don't need to be taking on.
smackie9 Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 It's best to only meet in public with this type...never let them know where you live.
Redhead14 Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 (edited) Tell her you'd like to have a girlfriend . . . not a Siamese twin. Edited July 11, 2019 by Redhead14 1
d0nnivain Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 You are not wrong. She was too much. She didn't respect you. It was all about her & what her insecurities needed to feel better & no matter what you did it would never be enough.
The Outlaw Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 She may have meant well, but it's obvious that she isn't very mature and still has a lot of growing up to do. She's going to have 'uncling' herself from any future potential relationships or she'll just keep doing it.
preraph Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 No, you did right, because the longer a Stage 4 clinger is allowed to hang around you, the more invested and harder to get rid of they become. I doubt you've seen the last of her. She'll probably try her best to run into you. Run the other way. You can't give people like this any hope. You have to be kind of brutal, as in "I'm sorry, but there is no chance I will ever be interested in you romantically, and I don't want to continue our friendship either."
Author theone79 Posted July 12, 2019 Author Posted July 12, 2019 You are not wrong. She was too much. She didn't respect you. It was all about her & what her insecurities needed to feel better & no matter what you did it would never be enough. Exactly. I tried to just be friends and be there if she needed a shoulder but what she was trying so hard to expand what little bit I was giving her
JEG88 Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 Be glad you cut it off sooner rather than later. I just got out of a 2-year relationship that had much the same problem - among others - and feel so free. And good on you for standing your ground. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 No you're not wrong. You tried to be polite and back away gently but she didn't get the hint. Sometimes we have to be brutal to get our message across to some people. Hopefully she'll disappear but if not, I would go one step further and just block her outright. Exactly! Clingy people like the girl you are describing are control freaks and that never turns out well. No matter what you do, there is nothing to satisfy them.
Author theone79 Posted July 12, 2019 Author Posted July 12, 2019 You hit it right on the head because it took me a while to realize the little bit hints I was giving her in her mind was still wiggle room and a crack in the door. So it came to the point where I had to go full ******* mode to finally drive my point home. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 You did the right thing, yes. You two were not compatible. She wants someone she can latch onto, someone who will soothe her insecurity and enable her clingy behaviour. That guy isn't you.
Author theone79 Posted July 12, 2019 Author Posted July 12, 2019 You did the right thing, yes. You two were not compatible. She wants someone she can latch onto, someone who will soothe her insecurity and enable her clingy behaviour. That guy isn't you. Exactly. I just couldn't do it. It was wearing me down 1
Author theone79 Posted July 13, 2019 Author Posted July 13, 2019 She was using guilt trips as a chain around my neck
Author theone79 Posted July 13, 2019 Author Posted July 13, 2019 And I had to become cold to cut it off. Being nice about it was pushing me further & further into the hole
FMW Posted July 13, 2019 Posted July 13, 2019 You did the right thing. It's clear you feel guilty, but hopefully all the posts confirming you made the right decision help ease that. 1
HiCrunchy Posted July 13, 2019 Posted July 13, 2019 Was she just a friend or was she a fwb/someone u were sleeping with?
Chrys31 Posted July 21, 2019 Posted July 21, 2019 Actually both Wow then you full on take advantage of her and have the nerve to call her a clinger?? Do her a favour and walk away
schlumpy Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 Is she aware of her relationship killing character flaw?
Author theone79 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Posted July 23, 2019 Wow then you full on take advantage of her and have the nerve to call her a clinger?? Do her a favour and walk away How you figure I took advantage of her. Before we did anything or took it a step further I explain to here I am not looking for a relationship and it's best we don't go any further as far as sex. She understood but kept insisting until I gave in. After that she was clinging as if we were married 1
Author theone79 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Posted July 23, 2019 Is she aware of her relationship killing character flaw? I tell her but she denies it.
Author theone79 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Posted July 23, 2019 You did the right thing. It's clear you feel guilty, but hopefully all the posts confirming you made the right decision help ease that. Thank you. I really do feel bad. But the more I stayed around the more miserable it got 1
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2019 Posted July 23, 2019 theone79 It seems you tried to be honorable about things. Unfortunately she mislead you about her expectations. She is one of those people who say they are OK with NSA sex but they really aren't. they think sex = commitment & then get upset when their partner doesn't behave as though there is a commitment 1
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