JEG88 Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 So I recently broke up with my now ex-GF last week. Felt like I fell out of love long ago, and that I sort of mourned/reconciled the distance and growth apart for a while in my mind. Just had to work up the courage to actually end things. A part of me feels like getting back into dating so soon is disrespectful to the memory, but the other part of me feels like it will help me move on after months of mentally checking out from my lack of feelings in the relationship. I'm not looking to get back into OLD for hookups, FWB or any of that. That's not me. After this latest relationship, I have a much better idea of what I'm looking for. Maybe that, combined with the slow death and eventual breakup, is why I'm not feeling much need for time to heal. But anyway, I feel like I've forgotten how to approach OLD after years of not being in that world. Still a swiping culture? Catfishing more or less prevalent? Are there any "best practices" on how you would even go from chatting on the sites to texting, or even straight to meeting up? I figure it will depend person to person, but just looking for overall guidance on how the OLD world is at this point. Maybe something of a refresher, if you will.
Trail Blazer Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 I was in the opposite boat. I joined OLD just to distract me from the hurt experienced from the break-up. I don't want another relationship, but hooking up with other women has done me wonders. I still love my ex and I haven't gone NC at all. In fact, two months on and we've caught up a couple of times for coffee since. Just do what feels right. As long as you're not hurting anybody else, only you know what will work and help you move on.
Author JEG88 Posted July 12, 2019 Author Posted July 12, 2019 Just do what feels right. As long as you're not hurting anybody else, only you know what will work and help you move on. Thanks, this makes sense. I've gotten back into OLD today, we'll see how it goes. I think a part of me created this thread to seek validation for wanting to get back out there as well. But at the end of the day, like you said I have to make that decision for myself.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 nothing to it but to just message women you find attractive and get to know the few that responds back. dont continue to chase those who dont reciprocate your interest. pay attention to red flags. the one who consistently recipocates interest date them and see where it goes. good luck
PRW Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 Originally Posted by Curiousroxy86 nothing to it but to just message women you find attractive and get to know the few that responds back. dont continue to chase those who dont reciprocate your interest. pay attention to red flags. the one who consistently recipocates interest date them and see where it goes. good luck[/Quote]But in my threads people are telling me to ask them out on a date right away when they reply back to my message before they find someone else.I don't think she means "get to know her" in the long drawn out sense with messaging,...she means pay attention to the ones who respond back and ignore the ones who don't. Then pay attention to red flags if you see any right away in the message exchange. You can search for the rest of the red flags on the date in person where they are much easier to detect. It is just a first date,...just a first date,...as long as she isn't carrying a body sized bag in the car trunk with duct tape and hand cuffs next to it, you're good to go. 1
JuneL Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 Exactly blues If you message a girl online yes you want to take the time to get acquainted. Asking her out on the very first message is too soon. But it’s perfectly reasonable after getting acquainted with her and exchanging a few messages back in forth to ask for her number same day, next day...within 3 days. Have atleast one phone call within the same week and ask her for a date within that same week max two weeks. messaging past a week without meeting imo is unnecessary. I don’t think many younger folks are willing to waste time on a phone call before meeting up. I certainly wouldn’t want to talk on the phone, though I’m not that young
SophieG Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 I don't know about the phonecall. I'm not confortable talking on the phone with someone I haven't met... so keep in mind that it's not for everyone. And personally, I like a guy that doesn't wait to ask me out on a date. When I was single, by day 2 of messaging, they asked me out.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 (edited) I don’t think many younger folks are willing to waste time on a phone call before meeting up. I certainly wouldn’t want to talk on the phone, though I’m not that young Maybe But for me personally I’m 33 and I will not go on a date with a man I haven’t atleast had a phone call with That phone call will either encourage a great first date or screen and help you avoid a bad first date That phone call will have you go on the date and won’t feel like he was a stranger off the internet for one. Also if y’all had a great time on the phone laughing and connecting for about 30 minutes more than likely the date will be great. Plus a guy calling is less likely to flake on a date. I haven’t had standups for guys that call. It can help establish chemistry quickly prior to the date Now If the phone call was boring af, you are super unattracted to his voice, stupid and ignorant stuff coming out of his mouth, or he reveal red flags during conversation that you didn’t catch in the messages? Well guess what the date more than likely would have been a disaster and you don’t have to waste time going out with that guy. Going on multiple bad first dates will quickly lead to dating burn out so if any one want to experience successful dates I so encourage the one phone call lol. Edited July 12, 2019 by Curiousroxy86
Author JEG88 Posted July 12, 2019 Author Posted July 12, 2019 Phone call seems haphazard. Might as well do FaceTime to definitively smoke out cat-fishing. At least in terms of physical appearance. Some early observations - Bumble seems to have a more educated, attractive base of female users. Guess in a way it makes sense since it gives women more control over conversation. 1
Trail Blazer Posted July 13, 2019 Posted July 13, 2019 I've found that some women are turned off by being asked on a date so soon, while others jump at the opportunity. Sometimes it's hard to pick. I prefer to date earlier now, than when I used to. The idea of waiting too long and losing the window of opportunity to date is not appealing. However, asking too soon can seem a little desperate. It's a fine balance.
Author JEG88 Posted July 14, 2019 Author Posted July 14, 2019 Got a first meet-up for coffee tomorrow. Was surprised how quickly that came about, and didn't know if I asked to meet too soon but she agreed. Will see how it goes and hope I'm not too awkward after so much time "out of the game" so to speak.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 @jeg Just be confident and relaxed. Fake it till you make it if you have to lol. Good luck!
Author JEG88 Posted July 14, 2019 Author Posted July 14, 2019 Just be confident and relaxed. Fake it till you make it if you have to lol. Good luck! I thought it went terribly, I felt nervous and like I didn't put full attention on her from always trying to think of what to say next. Her pictures didn't do her justice, she was more beautiful in person. Luckily, she agreed to see me next Saturday, so maybe I did something right! Or maybe she's just giving me a second chance, either way, I have to be more relaxed next time. Thinking something more fun than coffee, but where we can still chat plenty, like the zoo.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 Give yourself a break op. Your just getting back out there. Hey she agreed to see you again that’s good. I will leave you with a few of my 2 cent tips. Take it or leave it. Let go of the outcome and just go with the flow. she is a fallible human not a goddess so don’t put her on a pedestal just because she is a hottie lol. just get to know her. Show romantic interest in her but also show confidence in yourself and that your comfortable in your own skin. Be a gentleman. If she seems to respond positive to your company on this second date then be affectionate towards her and see how she takes it. If y’all are walking the zoo and she is very communicative and her body language seems interested in you then hold her hand and see what she does. If she lets you then you can totally kiss her at the end of the date. For the love of God please don’t ask “can I hold your hand”. “Can I kiss you”. lol turn off . However if she shows irritability or says she is not ready to hold hands immediately respect her wishes and fall back. Good luck!
Author JEG88 Posted July 16, 2019 Author Posted July 16, 2019 Had a first dinner date scheduled with someone tonight at 6. Got to the restaurant, put my name down and let the woman know I was at the place to wait for her. Another 20 minutes go by before she finally texts me saying she's running late, and she asked if I can wait another 40 minutes. I thought that was ridiculous and texted her that I had things to do to get ready for tomorrow. So there I was, facing a long commute home with no food in my belly and no company. Sucks because I felt my time was so disrespected, but part of the OLD game I suppose. Onto the next one.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 sorry Op. all you can do is keep on dating and let go of the outcome.
preraph Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 I don’t think many younger folks are willing to waste time on a phone call before meeting up. I certainly wouldn’t want to talk on the phone, though I’m not that young You should either phone call or Facetime so you can at least verify the person is the sex they say they are and might even be able to tell something about their age. I agree if you Facetime, no need to phone call, but you should do one or the other.
preraph Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 Yeah, but that's how the first date did its job. You filtered out an inconsiderate or disorganized woman you might otherwise have wasted a couple of months messaging and then getting unduly attached to. So hey, just think of that as a filter. She failed.
Author JEG88 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 Had a really fun first meeting over dinner last night. We talked for hours about a bunch of things, and not just superficial either. Towards the end she mentioned that I reminded her of her ex in some ways, which turned me off a bit as we left. I would have kissed her goodbye if my mood hadn't soured from that. Not sure how to feel about it, I don't want to be with someone who will be reminded of a past relationship all the time. Will have to decide if I want to see her again. 1
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