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I have a near perfect girlfriend - but I'm not sure if I can marry her

AceDB

By AceDB
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AceDB New Member

AceDB

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She is

 

- 21 and has been with 2 guys in her life (I'm 30)

- very cute face

- mom is 46 and gorgeous (so great aging genetics)

- very very sweet girl who is madly in love with me

- sharp/bright/intelligent

- loves to cook and clean

- from great eastern european family that is hardcore anti divorce - I'm from Eastern European family also so we have similar morals and values (respect, loyalty, family)

- feminine and classy

- monster sex drive and very good in bed

- She is

 

- 21 and has been with 2 guys in her life (I'm 30)

- very cute face

- mom is 46 and gorgeous (so great aging genetics)

- very very sweet girl who is madly in love with me

- sharp/bright/intelligent

- loves to cook and clean

- from great eastern european family that is hardcore anti divorce - I'm from Eastern European family also so we have similar morals and values (respect, loyalty, family)

- feminine and classy

- monster sex drive and very good in bed

- she is such a good girl that we've talked about finances before - I told her I will wipe out her student loan debt once we get married and she said no way, she wants to take care of that herself. What percent of women are going to be like that?

 

My only issue is I wanted a gym rat as a wife - I'm a hardcore gym rat myself - and I'm trying to mold her into that and I'm not sure if that's working out or if it is going to work out. We've been working out for couple months and she has made big time progress - she is naturally very thick (extremely thick lower body, wide hips, very narrow waist and big boobs) so she looks extremely sexy now but I haven't been able to ignite the love of fitness in her. A month ago, she was cancelling on me every other day and it was driving me crazy but it has gotten much better recently - we workout 3-4 days a week now and she doesn't cancel anymore. I went out of country for 2 weeks and she is even going to gym without me

 

Is this going to work out long term? My girl cares lots and lots and lots about how she looks. She is finally starting to notice some results from the working out - she took some pictures of herself last week and was amazed how good her body looked. I just don't know if she will be able to keep doing that forever. I plan on being in great shape forever - is my girl going to use kids/pregnancy as an excuse to get fat and stay fat forever? I know a ton about diet and working out - would she take my advice even during kids and marriage to stay in great shape? I'm really not worried about next 5 to 6 years. I think she will have a ridiculously perfect body in like 8 months and between the working out, lots of very intense sex and me encouraging us to eat healthy - she will keep that for a while but what will happen when kids and family gets into the picture? I don't make any excuses - I'm on vacation now and still found time to workout for an hour with my sisters' dumbbells.

 

I know this makes me sound very shallow but I'm being brutally honest. I've thought about trying to find someone else but I'm madly in love with my girl and even finding a gym rat who has all of my girls' extremely good qualities AND who likes me would be very difficult. I really want to marry my girl - she is a wonderful person with a great great heart.

Edited by AceDB
MINAKO Established Member

MINAKO

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My only issue is I wanted a gym rat as a wife - I'm a hardcore gym rat myself - and I'm trying to mold her into that and I'm not sure if that's working out or if it is going to work out. We've been working out for couple months and she has made big time progress - she is naturally very thick (extremely thick lower body, wide hips, very narrow waist and big boobs) so she looks extremely sexy now but I haven't been able to ignite the love of fitness in her. A month ago, she was cancelling on me every other day and it was driving me crazy but it has gotten much better recently - we workout 3-4 days a week now and she doesn't cancel anymore. I went out of country for 2 weeks and she is even going to gym without me

 

Is this going to work out long term? My girl cares lots and lots and lots about how she looks. She is finally starting to notice some results from the working out - she took some pictures of herself last week and was amazed how good her body looked. I just don't know if she will be able to keep doing that forever. I plan on being in great shape forever - is my girl going to use kids/pregnancy as an excuse to get fat and stay fat forever? I know a ton about diet and working out - would she take my advice even during kids and marriage to stay in great shape? I'm really not worried about next 5 to 6 years. I think she will have a ridiculously perfect body in like 8 months and between the working out, lots of very intense sex and me encouraging us to eat healthy - she will keep that for a while but what will happen when kids and family gets into the picture? I don't make any excuses - I'm on vacation now and still found time to workout for an hour with my sisters' dumbbells.

 

I know this makes me sound very shallow but I'm being brutally honest. I've thought about trying to find someone else but I'm madly in love with my girl and even finding a gym rat who has all of my girls' extremely good qualities AND who likes me would be very difficult. I really want to marry my girl - she is a wonderful person with a great great heart.

 

Honestly, this is tough situation. You described an absolute perfect girl and girlfriend, but cannot seem to get over her not possibly being just as obsessed about that gym life. Great shape seems incredibly important to you, which is absolutely fine (it is important to me too), but to hold this much importance on physical beauty to where you are already stressing about future possibilities of the beauty disappearing and the relationship not working out because of it, is almost an unrealistic standard, to the point where I think you should be with someone who equally feels that way (a gym rat). It is basically impossible to make someone develop a hobby unless they genuinely like it, so just imagine this: this perfect, kind girl you are talking about, ends up overweight and no longer cares about her looks after marriage/kids. Think about that in a serious way. I know deep down you are horrified (from reading your post, I can tell how important physical health is to you). Why did I give this example? Because it is an actual possibility for real. And from one person to another, I get a strong feeling that if that happened, that instead of staying madly in love with her, you would end up resenting her and would be unhappy.

 

These are just my blunt thoughts by the way, nothing personal: You highly value keeping in shape, to an extreme level. It does not seem to me that your heart can comfortably settle with someone who is not also a gym addict. They can be perfect in every other way, but your commitment and passion for the gym overrules it all. The thought of your lover not caring about her physique one day, it disrupts your mind. Being with someone who stops caring about their looks and physical appearance - it gives you anxiety about the future, even just imagining a future wife who is out of shape and does not care about working out - and you have every right to feel this way, it cannot be helped. You do believe you are madly in love with this girl, but I believe if you met someone attractive who was just as much into working out as you, that you would fall harder than ever before (or hopefully the one you are already with will really get into fitness). I mean, it is already worrisome to you that this girl has bailed gym dates a few times. You can try to get her into it, and I know she has been caring more about it recently, but if she does not end up caring about it in the long run, I cannot see you living a fulfilled romantic life. And even though she means so much to you, you have considered finding someone else. Even if you do not want to do that and know it would be hard anyway, you have thought about it - that shows again how important fitness is for you. You are also questioning if this relationship will work out in the end, because of your fear of her not caring one day about her physical health - that's how important it is to you! Again, just my thoughts.

 

What I am trying to say, is that the fact that you have all of these troubling thoughts about it and even find yourself here on this site questioning all of this, is an indicator of how much this have been weighing on you and just how significant keeping in shape is to you - and hey, I cannot blame you, it is inherently your preference. You can try to get her more involved in working out, but ultimately if she does not care about it as much as you, and since this is an extremely important part of your life, I do not believe it can happily work out.

 

You could meet the kindest, sweetest, most loving and adoring, successful and generous woman ever, but if she was out of shape and did not care about that, it would not work out for you. That is my take on this. You would have a better chance at very good happiness with someone who was kind, pretty, and maybe only just decent with the rest, but who at least actually cared deeply about her physical health in the same way you do. That is your match, that is your type.

 

Maybe you will hear from others in general to just get over being crazy about looks and stop trying to care so much about this, but my mind will not change about this - physical health/working out/gym life is incredibly important to you, to where the need for it interferes with your love life and the thought of a life without it gives you anxiety. It is your number 1 value when it comes to lifestyle choices. I can tell, so clearly. And again, it is okay. However, you are with this girl and do obviously still care about her. If I were you, I would have a light conversation about health with her. As in, tell her you wish she was more involved with you at the gym because it is a massive of your life and you wish she could be more apart it, because it would be amazing and would mean so much to you. If she still does not seem to become that involved, then I do not think she will ever suddenly become that involved. Being a gym rat is a whole lifestyle. If she does not genuinely love it, then you can bet she will not genuinely be into it for the long haul. Which is why I do not believe you would be ultimately happy or satisfied if she does not care about this in the same way you do.

 

Again, my simple belief is that you could list a hundred good qualities about a woman but if she lacks concern about physical health and is overweight/unhealthy, than that one factor overrules all the good ones, because physical health is your top priority in attraction and lifestyle. No judgment! There are countless amazing men and women who are total gym rats and feel the exact same way. I believe you would only sincerely be comfortably happy and satisfied with someone like that, and hopefully this girl can be that. I believe you would be happier with a gym rat, even if the list had much less good qualities BUT, included a quality where they absolutely love fitness like you do. Your love for the gym is so great that it is unfortunately right on par with your love for this girl, and they are conflicting your thoughts. It is a case of your desire for her vs. your desire to be with someone who loves the gym life. A strong sign that you should be with someone who equally values the gym, so that this priority would not compete with your love for them. Best of luck! And do not feel bad about any of this. You are only human and you feel how you feel. But once more, it is my honest and harsh opinion that you will not find happiness with someone who is not passionate about working out, because it is incredibly, deeply important to you, and I cannot blame you. The good news is, you mention that this girl cares a lot about her looks. Therefore, she could be right person for you if she really gets into physical fitness as a lifestyle.

 

If it helps you understand how important lifestyle values are: I was once with someone incredible in every way (stunning, successful, kind, everything really) except they were not confident at all. That is all it took. Confidence is extremely important to me and no matter how much I cared for and loved that person, it would always ending up intruding my thoughts, how insecure they were with themself. I then one day met someone who was decent in all those areas, nothing incredible, but their confidence was over the moon. I was happy with someone like never before. I still am.

Edited by MINAKO
Els Established Member

Els

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If a perfect body on a woman is that important to you, you'll probably want to reconsider having biological kids (or earn lots of money to hire a surrogate and a live-in nanny).

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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She may be wonderful, but your determination to change her will eventually make her resent you. In all honestly, you sound like a very demanding partner. Possibly even controlling

Edited by basil67
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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Didn't we already go through this last week?

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