Should I ask her to hangout?

July 10, 2019

So I'm chatting with another chick on match, cute one back and forth and this is her last message to me tonight.

Do I need to go ahead and ask her out before she might potentially lose interest? She always replies pretty quick to me but I keep hee hawing around when chatting online and eventually I get ghosted a lot.

How should I reply to this? I got all night to think of a response so can you guys help me say the proper thing to decrease my chances of getting ghosted or did I BS around too long again with her?

That great that you're active,it is good to take some rest but it gets boring really quickly lol. Well going to sleep nice chatting w you, have a good night.

July 10, 2019

just tell her that you like to meet in person sooner than later to see if there is chemistry. see what she says

July 10, 2019

just tell her that you like to meet in person sooner than later to see if there is chemistry. see what she says

Pretty much what I will do. I just have to think of a way to word it. I'll ask her to something next week. I live 30 miles away so need time to think of places, read reviews since I'm not familiar with her area much.

That's the other thing that sucks. I live in a county with 250,000 year round population and hardly any decent chicks use online dating around here. I have to look 40 miles or more away and even then there isn't a great selection until I look near Tampa 90 miles away. This area of the state is retired folks central. In my area I can go out on a typical day and see hardly anyone under 50 in the stores.

Most women don't want a partner who lives 30-50 miles away. I really need to live in a metro area with younger demographics.

July 10, 2019

i don't really get the sense she's up for meeting yet. But what the hell...dude you need to take what you can even theoretically get. Or move.

just say, "hey I'd really like the chance to get to know you better, want to meet for a drink at x at (some specific night)?"

July 10, 2019

i don't really get the sense she's up for meeting yet. But what the hell...dude you need to take what you can even theoretically get. Or move.

just say, "hey I'd really like the chance to get to know you better, want to meet for a drink at x at (some specific night)?"

As you can see the problem is I can get them to reply to messages more as I cleaned my profile up and posted better pics and put effort into it but the problem is that I keep messaging back and forth and they eventually lose interest even though I admit I did ghost a couple people out of lazyness.

The last 2 weeks I'd say my response rate to messages marked "read" is 15-20 percent range.

The chick I was talking to last week she gave me her number and said we should hangout sometime and we texted back and forth. Then I started asking her questions about religion and then when I brought up my opinion on a certain group she then quit replying to me and blocked me on OKC.

Do you think I keep shooting myself asking too many questions before a first date?

Edited July 10, 2019 by bluesfan

July 10, 2019

As far as I recall you didn't answer the question of whether you've tried Tinder or Bumble. They to me are so much better than eHarmony, PoF or Match. I have had fantastic results.

I am overgeneralizing here, definitely. But my thought was hot women are not going to bother with setting up profiles with extensive effort that it seemed to take with sites of that ilk. Tinder and Bumble are the easiest ways and in my experience (maybe it's just my part of the country where the education ranking flips between 49th and 50th) that's where I had the most success. And I only date 7-10's. I'd guess I had dates with 20 and sex with 10 7-10's over the past two years.

I am now with my perfect 10 I found off Bumble. So that's one guy's story but it worked out for me.

Also quit being penpals and if a woman talks to you for more than a day, ask her our for a drink or dinner and try to get her to go to bed with you like a real gentleman. If she gave you her number then ask her out and for Christ's sake don't be texting about your religion or Trump or any of that other crap. that comes much much later.

Edited July 10, 2019 by rightondude

July 10, 2019

As far as I recall you didn't answer the question of whether you've tried Tinder or Bumble. They to me are so much better than eHarmony, PoF or Match. I have had fantastic results.

I am overgeneralizing here, definitely. But my thought was hot women are not going to bother with setting up profiles with extensive effort that it seemed to take with sites of that ilk. Tinder and Bumble are the easiest ways and in my experience (maybe it's just my part of the country where the education ranking flips between 49th and 50th) that's where I had the most success. And I only date 7-10's. I'd guess I had dates with 20 and sex with 10 7-10's over the past two years.

I am now with my perfect 10 I found off Bumble. So that's one guy's story but it worked out for me.

Also quit being penpals and if a woman talks to you for more than a day, ask her our for a drink or dinner and try to get her to go to bed with you like a real gentleman. If she gave you her number then ask her out and for Christ's sake don't be texting about your religion or Trump or any of that other crap. that comes much much later.

I took my political beliefs off my profile like listing myself as conservative and seems to have helped a bit too. On match, bumble etc. I see women openly list liberal and even state no Trump supporters. Women seemed really turned off by conservatives, especially Trump lately.

Well I have a profile on Bumble. I have to search 25 miles away to get any really good results. This part of FL is a tourist area and most of the results I get on bumble and Tinder are women only visiting here and living in another state usually. Tinder I hardly use anymore because all I see are sluts on there mostly and nasty people. Bumble I see a bit better people but not a lot and I get likes but it wants you to pay.

What should I put on those profiles. On the Bumble profile it sounds like my match profile and I go in depth about what I'm looking for in a partner and fine details and such what I want and explain myself a lot. I don't want a slut just to bang. I want an actual gf material.

July 10, 2019

i don't really get the sense she's up for meeting yet. But what the hell...dude you need to take what you can even theoretically get. Or move.

just say, "hey I'd really like the chance to get to know you better, want to meet for a drink at x at (some specific night)?"

I basically did just that. She read it early but has not replied yet when usually she replies pretty timely.

Why is it all these women write back and will engage in conversation for a couple days and then lose interest eventually? I mean I reply back with long, detailed messages and put fine details into them as well instead of just two sentence half arse replies like many guys do.

Should I shorten the length of my conversations? Am I waiting too long to ask them to hangout that they lose interest and move along?

July 10, 2019

Isn't that the whole point of being on there? To ask girls out on dates? Everyone has the expectation of being asked out so there's nothing to word here....just ask her if she would like to meet up for coffee. Keep it simple and stop sweating it. She's already made up her mind whether she likes you or not...how you ask her out isn't going to make or break your chances.

July 10, 2019

Isn't that the whole point of being on there? To ask girls out on dates? Everyone has the expectation of being asked out so there's nothing to word here....just ask her if she would like to meet up for coffee. Keep it simple and stop sweating it. She's already made up her mind whether she likes you or not...how you ask her out isn't going to make or break your chances.

So you mean in my very first message to them I should just flat out ask them out at the end of it before finding anything else about them? Seems kinda tacky and creepy online. I mean meeting someone in person and getting a number is different because you might not run into them again.

July 10, 2019

So you mean in my very first message to them I should just flat out ask them out at the end of it before finding anything else about them?

Yes. But not the first message,...but after the 1st or 2nd session (multiple messages back and forth in a session). Stop trying to "get to know" them in the messaging,...that is what the date is for.

Seems kinda tacky and creepy online.

No, it is creepy when you don't. It makes you look weak and unsure of yourself, like you have no confidence,...are "scared of girls". Like maybe you expect them to lead you around and you are just the follower.

If you try to make a date quicker and they turn you down consider it a victory that you dodged a woman who was maybe neurotic, insecure, or "scared of everything". You want women who have a certain amount of boldness and confidence too, so trying to make the date sooner tells you if you found one of those.

July 10, 2019

Yes. But not the first message,...but after the 1st or 2nd session (multiple messages back and forth in a session). Stop trying to "get to know" them in the messaging,...that is what the date is for.No, it is creepy when you don't. It makes you look weak and unsure of yourself, like you have no confidence,...are "scared of girls". Like maybe you expect them to lead you around and you are just the follower.
If you try to make a date quicker and they turn you down consider it a victory that you dodged a woman who was maybe neurotic, insecure, or "scared of everything". You want women who have a certain amount of boldness and confidence too, so trying to make the date sooner tells you if you found one of those.

I also like to ask a lot because as I said before my county has hardly anyone on the sites so most of the ladies I have to message are 30 to 50 miles away from me. I dont want to go on a bunch of dates and find out we have nothing in common and ended wasting our time and burning a lot of gas money and money on meals when we dont have a lot in common. I'd rather find out as much as I can before wasting time on a date.

July 10, 2019

I also like to ask a lot because as I said before my county has hardly anyone on the sites so most of the ladies I have to message are 30 to 50 miles away from me. I dont want to go on a bunch of dates and find out we have nothing in common and ended wasting our time and burning a lot of gas money and money on meals when we dont have a lot in common. I'd rather find out as much as I can before wasting time on a date.

I’m afraid that’s not the ladies problem. They’ll most likely move on to guys who ask them out fast without wasting their time texting.

July 10, 2019

I’m afraid that’s not the ladies problem. They’ll most likely move on to guys who ask them out fast without wasting their time texting.

Should i consider moving like other posters suggest to a more diverse area with younger population?

My hometown of st. Louis has 50 times the amount of young people on those sites within a 30 mile radius. 90 miles away in Tampa I see gobs of people under 40 on the sites. Down here it's the same people on then everyday I see and most 30 or more miles away.

If I lived in a major city with better demographics I would not have to drive long distance instead just a few miles and no big deal.

July 10, 2019

I rarely do OLD but one occasion went like this. This is the text of the conversation minus the personal information.

______________________________________________________

ME: Hi <her name>. How are you doing? You were listed as 15 miles away. What area do you live?(I specifically didn't ask for the exact town)

HER:<Town name>, a small town south of <another town>. (she gave me the town without asking for it)

ME: Ah, ok. I'm in <town name>. I work in <another town> at <business name>(Now I gave her more info than before). I'm just heading to bed right now. But I'd be interested to meet. Right now I'm open for Weds or Fri after work, say 6:00pm? Would the <restaurant name> in <town name> work for you?

HER:Weds would work for me if you still would like to meet.

ME: Sounds great, <her name>. So I'll plan to see you at the <restaurant name> in <town name> at 6:00pm on Weds evening. You're welcome to contact me on my cell (gave my number, did not ask for hers)if you need to. You'll catch my attention quicker than with the Tinder app.

HER:Ok. Thank you. I will msg you later. Have a great day.

_______________________________________________________

So there you go. That was the whole thing from beginning to the end. I did not do a "confirmation" call and did not verify anything between this point and the date itself. She texted me once briefly but she initiated and it was kept short. She showed up, I showed up, everything went fine. No creepiness. She seemed slightly insecure with her comment of "if you still want to meet", and meeting her in person verified that was a little bit true. But all in all it worked out fine.

Edited July 10, 2019 by PRW

July 10, 2019

My hometown of st. Louis has 50 times the amount of

St Louis is where I meet most of my dates. I figured from your screen name that was where you were from. There is a singles group there with 4500 members ages late 30's up thru the 50's.

July 10, 2019

St Louis is where I meet most of my dates. I figured from your screen name that was where you were from. There is a singles group there with 4500 members ages late 30's up thru the 50's.

I used to live there. I live in FL now.

Dude, it's totally different here. Like it's all old people on the west coast. I go on the dating sites and same women within 60 miles radius everyday I log on. Literally have like only 100 active users who look halfway decent to message. That's it. Teh county to my south has like 600k people and maybe 60 users on the sites that are not fat and log on it on a regular basis. Totally different than the St. Louis metro area. I don't think someone in Tampa would want to date me living over 90 miles away.

Location Location Location.

July 11, 2019

Here is an example of a message I sent a chick a few days ago. Is this too long?

Hi xxx. I'm xxx and I was just browsing on here tonight and came across your profile and I must say I'm really impressed by it!

So what made you pick xx? I myself am from St. Louis and moved back to FL 4 years ago for warmer weather. Well, I was born in St. Louis, moved to xxx when I was 8 and then back to Stl when I was 18 and now back down here for good!

I'm impressed by your education. Math and statistics! I could have used your help a couple years ago in grad school. Graduate level statistics were a killer! In my undergraduate studies and graduate level I literally passed everything with straight As and a few Bs until I hit stats. Really takes a talented person at that level of math to teach it and teach math in a way the students can learn it properly.

Really like the part about being healthy and compassionate as well in your requirements for a partner. Compassion is the number one trait I look for in a partner myself.

As for me, well I own a small retail business. When I was taking graduate level courses I considered teaching adjunct classes someday in business subjects because overall I like being in college (still miss it) but with the cost of a masters degree I decided to take my chances and go into a small business. So far it's working out okay and I hope to expand.

Anyway, I'd love to chat xxx and find out more about you! I think we potentially have a lot in common.

July 11, 2019

Women, in general, get overwhelmed by messages, so it is relatively easy for you to drop off her radar if you're using the site to get to know people vs arranging a date.

As far as your message, stop using the word impressed. The message is way too long and it has too much info. Like I said women get a lot of messages, if yours is too long she may never even see half of what you said and more importantly miss out on what might be more critical to communicate.

July 11, 2019

I also like to ask a lot because as I said before my county has hardly anyone on the sites so most of the ladies I have to message are 30 to 50 miles away from me.

It is 100+ miles for me,...in one direction. You can be lazy or squeamish about it when your geography doesn't cooperate. Granted longer distance is a big disadvantage, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

July 11, 2019

Women, in general, get overwhelmed by messages, so it is relatively easy for you to drop off her radar if you're using the site to get to know people vs arranging a date.

Great point. In the time it takes for an average guy to get 2-3 messages a fairly attractive woman may get 150 or more and never even read all of them. You get lost in the noise if you don't move faster and make an impact.

July 11, 2019

Great point. In the time it takes for an average guy to get 2-3 messages a fairly attractive woman may get 150 or more and never even read all of them. You get lost in the noise if you don't move faster and make an impact.

Timing means everything too, especially on a site like POF that has tons of users because it's free. In general I try to message people who are currently online. Sometimes if a message doesn't get read for 2 days I'll send it again since it might have got pushed way down into their inbox. That tends to work sometimes.

That's one thing that irritates me about match is a lot of the users are not paid members. You can message them and they will never see it. Hence I gotta pay for the read feature.

I'm confused by you. You live near St. Louis and you have a 100 mile radius?? I mean. 25th largest metro area and you need that big of a circle? If you go 100 miles in any direction of St. Louis it's either Ozarks, cornfields or cotton fields in Southeast Missouri deep south delta unless you hit the Columbia area. You actually find women deep in the Ozarks near Arkansas lol? Heck, once you get 40 miles outside of St. Louis it is the South and in the ozarks a lot of hoosiers also in the surrounding areas outside the metro. I don't find most of the women attractive in places like Cabool Missouri lol.

If I wanted to expand close to 100 miles I would be in Tampa. A ton more to choose from in Tampa, many many times over old people SWFL.

However, depending on the time of year, a drive to the Tampa area for a date could take 2 and a half hours driving I75 if it's March and Spring break traffic and some of the snowbirds heading home clogging the highway up.

It's not like driving 100 miles on I55 or farty four in Missouri straight line hardly any cars. It really is a chore to drive to Tampa depending on the time of year. How could I even sustain a relationship having to drive 2.5 hours? Also, most of the women up there don't want someone more than 40-50 miles away and list it in the profile.

Since my region really lacks many people on match, etc. you think I should drive 100 miles?

July 11, 2019

Kudos for giving it a shot, but yes there are problems. Let me rewrite it as I would have said it.

Here is an example of a message I sent a chick a few days ago. Is this too long?

Hi xxx. I'm xxx and I was just browsing on here tonight and came across your profile and I must say I'm really impressed by it!

No need to state who you are, the site already shows her that. "I was just browsing sounds apologetic,...like oops, didn't mean to bump into you, sorry, I accidentally tripped over you. Instead say,

"Hello xxx, I saw your profile and found it interesting" (sounds more purposeful, intentional)

So what made you pick xx? I myself am from St. Louis and moved back to FL 4 years ago for warmer weather. Well, I was born in St. Louis, moved to xxx when I was 8 and then back to Stl when I was 18 and now back down here for good!

Asking what made her pick xx assumes she is not native which could be wrong. No need to offer extra information like where you came from. Use that as something for her to ask for herself,...it demonstrates interest from her and helps extend the conversation by her efforts instead of just you. Instead just say, "I moved back to FL 4 years ago when I took a new job". (She'll ask what work you do if you give her a chance and don't tell her first)

I'm impressed by your education. Math and statistics! I could have used your help a couple years ago in grad school. Graduate level statistics were a killer! In my undergraduate studies and graduate level I literally passed everything with straight As and a few Bs until I hit stats. Really takes a talented person at that level of math to teach it and teach math in a way the students can learn it properly.

Forget the "I'm impressed by..." stuff. You already said you like her profile, that is enough. Saying "In my undergraduate studies and graduate level I literally passed everything with straight..." sounds like you are trying to impress her,..."Look at me, look at me". Don't treat it like you are trying to impress a boss to get a job. Instead ask her what she likes to do on the weekends for fun. THAT's what the date will be about. Engage her emotions, not her mind. The target is feeling "Fun",...not a Vulcan saying "Impressive,...fascinating".

Really like the part about being healthy and compassionate as well in your requirements for a partner. Compassion is the number one trait I look for in a partner myself.

Sound mushy-gushy. The rest sounds like you are trying to define her as a potential wife/partner already. They will run from that. Makes you sound over-invested, over-eager already. Instead, say, "Glad to see staying healthy is important to you. I like to do XYZ to keep fit." (but don't put in a lot of detail,...another opportunity for her to ask herself and keep the talk going, and will show she has interest by asking you that)

As for me, well I own a small retail business. When I was taking graduate level courses I considered teaching adjunct classes someday in business subjects because overall I like being in college (still miss it) but with the cost of a masters degree I decided to take my chances and go into a small business. So far it's working out okay and I hope to expand.

Too much. This is date 3-4 stuff, or at least 2-3. Skip it for now, save it for later when she asks for more about you. It is important that she feel she is learning about you at her own pace by her own efforts and curiosity.

Anyway, I'd love to chat xxx and find out more about you! I think we potentially have a lot in common.

Sounds like, "You seem to have a lot of potential for our open position of Wife,...would you care to come in and apply for an interview? Just skip it, she is on an online dating site, she knows why you are there,...you know why she is there,...just get to it.

So ft you pull out my examples and lay it out you will find it is a fairly short and to the point message. If she responds in a positive way give her very brief answers to her questions and then offer a date at a specific day/time/place. Look at my real life Tinder example in my other post. I got the date in a single message session with practically a single message. To gain ground ahead of all the other [poor] competitors who are making the same mistake you did, you need to get away from online as soon as possible and get to in-person.

July 11, 2019

You can be lazy or squeamish about it when your geography doesn't cooperate.

Mean't to say "Can NOT be..."

July 11, 2019

I'm confused by you. You live near St. Louis and you have a 100 mile radius??

No. I live a 100 miles FROM St Louis. St. Louis is the destination.

Sign In

Should I ask her to hangout?

Recommended Posts

bluesfan

alphamale

bluesfan

rightondude

bluesfan

rightondude

bluesfan

bluesfan

smackie9

bluesfan

PRW

bluesfan

JuneL

bluesfan

PRW

PRW

bluesfan

bluesfan

Inspire

PRW

PRW

bluesfan

PRW

PRW

PRW

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...