Northwest79 Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 Where do I even start? So, about a year ago my GF of 7 years decided to leave me for another guy. I didn't know it for sure at the time, but I suspected it. She suddenly wanted to go separate ways with no warning. It was really brutal too. She went from being a very loving and supportive partner to calling by my first name and being cold as ice to me literally overnight. I had been out of town for a few weeks visiting family, and I also went to a wake for an old friend that passed away from a freak accident only to come back to this. I tried to prod and investigate as to why she suddenly wanted to split, and the only thing I could get out of her at the time was "can we not talk about this" or "what does it matter?" The living situation obviously deteriorated into a mad house in just a few days, and after some advice from a good friend, I decide to skip town and figure out what to do about our finances, condo, and all my stuff at a later time to protect myself from doing something stupid. My buddy has known me since I was a kid, and he knew what probably would ave happened when I discovered what she had done (I would have confronted the guy at some point). I was still in denial, but being on the outside looking in, he knew 100% what the deal was and urged me to get out of town for a bit. Anyways, I went back home to Oregon to basically cool off and get my head straight(I was living up in Washington at the time). I was already in the middle of starting up a new business when this all went down, so I figured I could just do the same business in Oregon where I had already ran a similar business many years ago. I briefly stayed with my brother before getting my own place and went ahead with my plans after deciding to permanently relocate. It was a really dark time for me the first few months. I was drinking a lot, and I would send text messages to my ex telling her how I still loved her and missed her. Not once did she ever message me back other than a quick message or call here and there in regards to when I was getting my stuff and when I would be backup to put our place on the market. She claimed that her mom was helping her buy a new place closer to her work, but the truth was that she had met some guy with piles of money through her work that had already moved her in. I found this out through a mutual friend. I also found out that it had been going on for a few months before she left me. The relationship only lasted about 6 months after she moved in because he decided to get back with his ex, which is irrelevant to this post, but I thought I would add that for those that love karma. I eventually made my way back up to get my stuff, and she's now back in the condo. We're going to sell it next summer, and cross that bride when we get there. We briefly talked about stuff, as she historically cried her eyes out. She said that she fell in love with the guy because he was the most amazing person she had ever met. She claimed that she new he was a bit of a dirtbag but thought that he would be different with her. said she had become bored with our relationship and felt that I didn't pay enough attention to her. This guy basically said all the right things and it was enough to destroy our relationship. So here I am. Single again at 40. The last 6 months have been interesting with all that. I have probably been on about 10-12 dates, and all I can say is that I'm completely lost on how dating works these days, as I really haven't been single for any length of time in about 11 years (I met my last GF about 3 months after a mutual friendly split with the woman before her). I have met a few of these women through friends, one was my insurance agent, and the rest I met online. I have also asked out a few women while out and about on the town with a friend of mine that is in the same boat with no luck. The online thing is IMPOSSIBLE. I will spare you the details, as I'm sure there are a million dudes on here with the same complaints. It's strange because I used to meet quality women online in my 20's. The thing that's really tripping me out is that I feel like the women that I should be dating are suddenly out of my league. For the record I'm 5'10", 170lbs muscular build/better than average looking guy. I'm not looking for a super model, but an average looking 30-40 year old woman with a nice figure doesn't seem like it should be out of my reach, yet it has been thus far. Where does one meet people these days? I'm not religious, so church is a no go. I've never been into the whole volunteer thing, and the type of women one would meet there aren't really my thing as well. I'm pretty centrist in my political views and would rather not date someone that's wicked conservative or liberal. A lot of the women around here are insanely liberal. I have no problem with that, but it's not what I'm looking for in a relationship no different than a women that's insanely conservative. Given my age, background and history, where should I be trying to meet women?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 How about a Meetup group? (meetup.com) What kinds of things do you enjoy doing? There is probably a group for it.
Versacehottie Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 Ok not to critique too much, but are you sure you are over her and ready to date? Maybe you were just giving us background but to me, you went into so many details about your ex, I have my doubts. Sorry. Lol, anyway, don't do that on a date!! Not necessary info if you want to move on. I'm a big believer in that you have to approach dating from many angles & avenues. You need to do apps/online because people do that, often as their main form of looking. People seem to be dismissive though and it's often not the best form of meeting someone like real life can often be better. So yes join activities that are fun for you and co-ed, or even not. Through new guy friends or reconnecting with old ones, you should go to parties, events where you might meet their girl friends. Basically you need to work on your social circle in general. Single people is probably the best but don't completely count out coupled people. And i think continuing to work on yourself with hobbies etc makes you more interesting and attractive to others TBH. Keep posting and we can give you more advice as it gets more specific or if you have questions. Good luck!
Calmandfocused Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 I hear you Op. I’m in the same boat, 40 and thinking about dating again. Judging by what I’ve read on here it will be both a miserable but exciting experience. You’re right in the sense that it’s going to be harder in the sense of finding someone you’re attracted to and compatible with but it can happen. I reckon the best thing to do is to keep an open mind, enjoy it and keep trying. There is a popular designer outlet shop in the uk that many people despise as it’s full of a lot of rubbish most of the time. In order to find a special item you've got to have time and patience to look and really look. Once you’ve found a gem you might try it on and realise that the fit is not quite right. So you put it back. Rinse, lather and repeat until you find it. Something that looks great and is a perfect fit. That’s the attitude I’m going to take when it comes to dating at our age. Keep trying dude. You’ll get there. You never know, you may get a much better fit than your ex.
schlumpy Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 How about a Meetup group? (meetup.com) What kinds of things do you enjoy doing? There is probably a group for it. From the bottom of my heart - Thank you so very much. For some unknown reason I have never come across meetup. You mentioned it and I took a look and discovered 3 guitar clubs that I didn't know existed. I suddenly felt flooded with excitement and anticipation. This is going to be fun. Best Wishes 3
preraph Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 Just keep letting friends set you up and keep being friends even with some who don't work out as long as they don't care more than you do and expand your social circle that way. I know it's not easy with everyone tied down to family in your age group, but try to see if you can put together at least a couple of people to get out and about with to meet new people. And date within your age group for the least frustration and most success.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 From the bottom of my heart - Thank you so very much. For some unknown reason I have never come across meetup. You mentioned it and I took a look and discovered 3 guitar clubs that I didn't know existed. I suddenly felt flooded with excitement and anticipation. This is going to be fun. Best Wishes Oh have fun! I made some good friends through a single moms meetup group and I know a couple who met and got married through a singles meetup group .
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 Not for everyone but you can try the gym or a spinning class, or hot yoga or join a co-ed sports team.
Author Northwest79 Posted July 9, 2019 Author Posted July 9, 2019 Ok not to critique too much, but are you sure you are over her and ready to date? Maybe you were just giving us background but to me, you went into so many details about your ex, I have my doubts. Sorry. Lol, anyway, don't do that on a date!! Not necessary info if you want to move on. If we're being 100% honest here, I don't believe one ever truly gets over stuff like this. My HS sweetheart cheated on me with one of my best friends over 20 years ago, and it still irritates me if I think about it. My Grandma's first husband left her for another woman when she was 6 months pregnant with my dad. My grandma is 83 years old, and she literally laughed out loud when she found out that the guy died of ALS several years ago. most people tend to hold strong grudges when it comes to infidelity from what I've noticed. The reason I went into great detail is because this is a dating forum. Who would talk about stuff like that on a date? Anyways, am I ready to date? Absolutely, and I'm a firm believer that after you hit that 6 month mark, you're not doing yourself any favors by not getting back out there because the only way to really move on is to meet someone new. That's the very reason my ex was a such cold blooded sociopath about our break up until she found herself single again. Then she had time to dwell on what had happened. When all you got is time to dwell on a failed relationship, that's what you're going to do. People will tell you to move on, but this isn't something one has any control over when you really break it down.
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