elastica Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 Guess I just need to vent, so here it goes. For the second time this year, I am dating someone who is doing the slow fade. But here is the thing. Each time I dated one of these guys, they just kept texting and texting, asking me out, saying they want to see me. BUT when I reply to confirm a date (a date that was proposed by them), they just ignore the message and do not read it until AFTER the day of the planned date. What is up with that???? Or, if we actually talk to each other, they end up flaking last minute with some silly excuse! It is very hurtful, after telling me they were so into me and wanting to see me again. Oh and the worst thing is, they don`t seem to be able to stop the texting either and carry on as if nothing happened. What kind of satisfaction do these people get from this?? And WHY would anyone waste their time and energy on texting and calling with no intention of dating me ever again?? Or are people truly so busy these days that they just forget about dates and people? Please, can someone explain to me because I feel like giving up on dating completely.
PegNosePete Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 Don't take it personally. It says more about them than it says about you. It says they are inconsiderate douches and you are incompatible. They are doing you a favour by showing you what life is like with them. Better to find that out sooner, rather than 6 dates in! 4
schlumpy Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 Oh and the worst thing is, they don`t seem to be able to stop the texting either and carry on as if nothing happened. What kind of satisfaction do these people get from this?? And WHY would anyone waste their time and energy on texting and calling with no intention of dating me ever again?? Or are people truly so busy these days that they just forget about dates and people? Please, can someone explain to me because I feel like giving up on dating completely. I'm guessing, using the described behavior as my guide, you are in an early 20's age range. If you guys are any later or past 30 find a new set of potential mates to spend your time with. Many guys and women, though less so, just don't have a keen sense of empathy for someone else's feelings in the early 20's. I was like that too. It's much worse today because they don't have to face anyone. A few quick texts coupled with a compatible emoji and their thoughts are on down the rails to the next station. I suggest you demand that if they are breaking a date that it be done in person or at least do it over the phone and not let them hide behind a monitor. It's very easy to impose unintentional emotional pain when there is no immediate feedback such as a screaming female voice over the phone telling you what a worthless jerk you are or that cringe inducing look of disapproval on her face that I'm convinced is genetically programmed. Best Wishes 1
PRW Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 For the second time this year, I am dating someone who is doing the slow fade. But here is the thing. Each time I dated one of these guys, they just kept texting and texting, asking me out, saying they want to see me. BUT when I reply to confirm a date (a date that was proposed by them), they just ignore the message and do not read it until AFTER the day of the planned date. What is up with that???? Have you ever watched a squirrel? They zip around, start to go this way, then start to go that way, tail flips around, then they go no where, they they just suddenly run off blindly in some direction, all with an attention span of about 3 seconds. Far too much neurotic energy but undirected and uncontrolled. That is what these guys are. Don't expect a squirrel to act like a Labrador Retriever. Whenever some guy just keeps texting and texting, asking me out, saying they want to see you, constantly,...as soon as you run across them,...RUN,...and get the heck away from them. Go for the guy who is calm measured and in control of his emotions and his urges,...the happy care-free Labrador Retriever. The right kind of guy is going to make initial contact a couple times to get a feel for what you are like, then he is going to have the balls to calmly set a specific date for a specific day/time/place, and then he is actually going to show up at the date like he promised he would without having to text you 5 times a day every day until the date because he is afraid you are going to forget about him if he doesn't remind you multiple times a day that he still exists. Don't date squirrels. 4
chillii Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 Doubt they'd have any trouble what so ever turning up if they were keen enough . My guess is pretty simple, they aren't all that interested but like you on the hook just encase , that takes a few messages here and there at least. l'll bet they're still on dates sites lookin round, talkin to or seeing other women. 2
stillafool Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 The problem is these guys have too many options so it's hard to settle with one when every other minute a new, better one appears. Get off line.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 some men are flaky and some men are not. when you experience a flaky one just simply ignore him and date other men. eventually you will run into a guy who isnt flaky.
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 The problem is these guys have too many options so it's hard to settle with one when every other minute a new, better one appears. Get off line. eh I dont know. jumping offline doesnt mean you wont run into guys who have other options to choose from though. you talk to a guy you met offline and he still could be talking to other girls and could be dating online himself . the answer is to assume that the guys you meet talk to other girls before exclusivity and therefore she should do the same. she should talk to multiple guys she is interested in online and offline and get to know the guy or guys until one she likes shows himself not to be a flake and is willing to be exclusive 1
kendahke Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 If you think they are playing you, the best thing for you to do is block them so they can't keep texting and playing you (and your intelligence) off as a fool. You get nothing from these interactions, especially if you're not using them to call their behavior out before dumping them. The first time they balk at setting a time or when they cancel, that is when you stop dealing with them. You shut down any further talk about how great you are, how excited he is to do something with you--shut that down. He means none of it. What is he doing? What are his actions? Pay attention to that. No one who is as interested in you as these guys are saying they are would, on purpose, drop the ball on going out with you. 2
Author elastica Posted July 9, 2019 Author Posted July 9, 2019 Thanks so much for your comments, I feel better already. FYI, I have never done online dating, I am meeting these guys in real life.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 Sadly, this isn't just a twenty-something issue. I've seen it happen in my age group 40+ by plenty of "mature" men. This is part of the online culture these days. Men are visually driven and often become dazed and confused with all the options available at their finger tips. They often subscribe to the spray and pray method - messaging as many attractive women as possible to increase their chances that someone will respond. The problem with these type of men is that there is always a cuter girl just around the corner so holding their attention long enough to actually nail down a date is damn near impossible. My rule of thumb? The moment they start to flake out, cross them off your list. Seriously. There is no point in giving these men the benefit of the doubt. Anyone truly interested in getting to know you and meeting you will move mountains to do so. 6
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 Thanks so much for your comments, I feel better already. FYI, I have never done online dating, I am meeting these guys in real life. I’m sorry op. You can meet the wrong guys both online and offline. Age also have nothing to do with flaky behavior as well. Don’t take it personally. With dating you just have to refrain from being emotionally invested in each new guy that come your way and reserve your “care” until he actually shows you he is truly interested, genuine, and will follow through with action. Good luck.
kendahke Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 I have never done online dating, I am meeting these guys in real life. Doesn't matter. Same approach applies. If, after point blank asking them to meet you (you take on the role of the one who makes the date for this example) they hem and haw, shut them down, get off the phone with them, block them and get rid of their number. Either they're not serious about wanting to date or they're not interested in dating you, despite what they say. They can say anything to keep the hook in your cheek. Actions--watch their behavior. It's even worse if they've met you in person and are still shining you on. It's bad enough they do it through OLD, but in person meetings?
The Outlaw Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 They're either really immature, stupid or it's just to stroke their ego. People who flake out either before, during, or after a date aren't good candidates. And with as hurtful as it is because I've been there, they did you a favor.
Recommended Posts