i really dont know what to do

[dumbcam]

my boyfriend and i have been dating for a few months now and im starting to feel a little iffy. at the beginning, everything seemed to be going well and i felt confident in our relationship.

 

to preface, wed been friends for a couple of months before we started dating. i suffer from depression and inherited anxiety and, i will be honest, im not very easy to handle when i hit certain points. the reason i have become so fond in my boyfriend is because i am able to confide in him and he is able to help me through situations i struggle with. on his side of things, his family life isnt exactly ideal and the relationship he has with his dad is a little fragmented (which could potentially lead to psychological issues later on and things like that)

 

the reason i came on here was because im starting to hit a wall. like every couple, we find issues and resolve them but recently ive noticed a change. im beginning to feel a little manipulated, sometimes hed get mad at me for not asking him to talk otp or do something but in reality i had never asked because i didnt think anything of it. i kind of feel like im being measured too, for example: if he had done me a favor, id have to do one back. usually behavior like this is pretty normal because you should be mutually benefitting from a relationship but, when this happens, he'll bring it up and say "whatever its fine", "forget it", assume its because i dont want to be with him, or just ignore me when i try to resolve things. i always end up apologizing for stuff i didnt do, trying desperately to get him to respond and make him feel better

 

i really do love him and care and i try to do anything in my power to stay positive for him (even when its at the detriment of my happiness). i just dont know how to handle it or what to do.

 

(were still teenagers, so im sorry if this seems stupid)

Edited July 8, 2019 by dumbcam

[ExpatInItaly]

to preface, wed been friends for a couple of months before we started dating. i suffer from depression and inherited anxiety and, i will be honest, im not very easy to handle when i hit certain points.

 

Can you elaborate on the above? What do you do or day when you hit these certain points?

 

You should not be apologizing for things you didn't do, in any case. Chasing after someone and trying desperately to placate them isn't ever a good idea. There is already an unhealthy dynamic going on here, but I'll wait for you to give a bit more context before commenting further.

[schlumpy]

 

In my opinion, I think your BF sees himself putting more effort into the relationship then you are and he sees himself as carrying more of the burden. I don't know that his perception is true but his tit for tat seems to indicate to me he's looking at it that way.

 

When you first get together everything is easy. You can put in 20 percent effort and get back 80 percent. As the relationship moves on and each partner pay more attention to the rough edges on each other, the effort starts to rise and the return gets lower. If it drops below 50 in - 50 out then resentment starts to happen.

 

To reiterate, I think he sees himself putting in more then 50 percent.

 

Best Wishes

[d0nnivain]

As teenagers you are still learning who you are as well as how to be in a relationship. Nobody has life all figured out at your age nor are you supposed to. This is a process of maturing & learning.

 

As a general proposition it's a bad idea to treat your SO like an amateur psychiatrist. Don't lean too heavily on him when you are anxious & depressed.

 

If you feel like he's keeping score -- he did something nice for you so now you owe him something nice -- be aware that he's doing this & try to keep the scales balanced. If he was doing this in his 20s I'd tell you to run because he's a selfish person but as a teen I suspect he's just a bit scared about getting used & hurt. I am not saying you are or would use him but I am pointing out that may be a fear of his. You maturely & wisely recognize that a healthy relationship affords both partners mutual benefits & there is a natural ebb & flow. He just may not be that wise yet.

[smackie9]

If you are hitting a wall at 2 months, and things are up and down.....you shouldn't be dating. It's not working for a reason...that reason could be you, could be him, could be incompatibility. A bright healthy relationship at the start should run smoothly and the only thing you would be thinking about is how happy and great things are.

[PRW]

This is not a good situation. We have two people here that have issues with one being vulnerable and unpredictable while the other one is impossible to satisfy and is manipulative. This is a receipt for disaster.

 

When people have issues they need to get their issues under control FIRST before getting involved with someone. You are supposed to bond by sharing your completeness,...not bond by sharing your problems and weaknesses. One will always end up weaker than the other and the stronger one due to their own issues will use their advantage against the other one for their own personal gain and satisfaction.

[dumbcam]

usually, i isolate myself and try to calm down, my therapist told me this isnt a good habit but, i find that pulling away stabilizes overstimulating episodes and slows my mind down. i usually dont say much but if i do, its something along the lines of "i think i need a second, ill let you know when i feel better", and he'll respond with "thank you for letting me know, if you need to talk when you feel better, im here"

[dumbcam]

Can you elaborate on the above? What do you do or day when you hit these certain points?

 

 

usually, i isolate myself and try to calm down, my therapist told me this isnt a good habit but, i find that pulling away stabilizes overstimulating episodes and slows my mind down. i usually dont say much but if i do, its something along the lines of "i think i need a second, ill let you know when i feel better", and he'll respond with "thank you for letting me know, if you need to talk when you feel better, im here"

[ExpatInItaly]

And how often and for how long do you isolate yourself?