Saracena Posted July 10, 2019 Posted July 10, 2019 , he could hardly contain his attraction and it was extremely obvious. Do you feel like this guy lusts for you? Is his body language otherwise into you? Completely agree. You see this is the part (or lack of) that I'm struggling with as well. Everything about this guy's actions point to the fact there's little or no primal attraction on his part. As you mentioned, this is very obvious. I too have been with guys who were holding back until I was ready but their actions told me this was the one and only reason! 1
Author Spring1234 Posted July 10, 2019 Author Posted July 10, 2019 Thanks everyone for the replies, really appreciate the insight! I guess I could see maybe he doesn't want to do anything sexual because I'm not ready to have sex. However he only asked me about sex because I told him he's moving slow. I don't think he would have ever brought it up and we only would have kissed. I asked him why don't we French kiss and he just said you want to and we did for a bit. I just thought a guy would want to do something more than just kiss at this point. We do make out and kiss alot, in his room, out in public. He's always touching me when we're out, just last time in his room not so much. Just concerned he might be asexual. He is on some medicines because he has some skin issues, however he didn't say that was the reason for his low sexual interest. I told him he can tell me anything, he said he knows and I seem understanding. We get along well and he's such a nice guy. I could have seen this as a long term thing, just confused by the lack of sexual stuff.
stillafool Posted July 10, 2019 Posted July 10, 2019 I'm a bit confused and perhaps he is too. If you are a 30 year old virgin it would seem that a guy knows if you waited this long you must have major rules in place when it comes to foreplay. He probably is just being nice, a good guy not going for sex because he knows you aren't up for that. So why would you or he want to get all hot and bothered when it's not going to end in sexual intercourse? Why not be happy that he is respecting your decision to not have sex and stop pushing for it if that's not what you want? Some may say you can still get off doing the other stuff but no one is a teenager here. Grown people want sex. 1
Author Spring1234 Posted July 10, 2019 Author Posted July 10, 2019 (edited) I understand and that's what my sister and friend are saying. I just think if I never initiated anything sexual neither would he. The last guy I did foreplay with he lead since he was more experienced. I just don't think he ever would have even asked for sex in the first place, never even discussed if I would sleep with him. Again I would like to do some foreplay and get more comfortable, before going right to sex. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Wouldn't a guy still want to touch and get all he can. I mean he expects us to just go from some kissing to sex? I haven't even seem him without his shirt off. He doesn't even seem to care I am not ready for sex, he seems content just making out. Edited July 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote deleted 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 We can speculate all day about why he isn't keen to get intimate with you, but really, it doesn't change much. He is resisting it. You are unhappy about it. At some point, you will need to decide if this significant incompatibility is a dealbreaker for you.
Els Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 (edited) Again I would like to do some foreplay and get more comfortable, before going right to sex. It's absolutely your right to want this. Stick to your guns. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Wouldn't a guy still want to touch and get all he can. Have you told him that you'd like to touch HIM as well and maybe bring him to orgasm that way, not just him touching you? I mean, foreplay goes both ways... I still think this one is a dud, but since you seem to really like him, that's all I can think of to suggest. My guess sex to him is a quick make out session, a fumble over the breasts, a flick of the nipples, a grab of the lady bits and then stick it in. As there is no "stick it in" with you, he is lost as to what to do. 5 minutes of foreplay is probably an over-estimate... LOL, that would be really sad... Edited July 11, 2019 by Elswyth 1
Maddie82 Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 I understand and that's what my sister and friend are saying. I just think if I never initiated anything sexual neither would he. The last guy I did foreplay with he lead since he was more experienced. I just don't think he ever would have even asked for sex in the first place, never even discussed if I would sleep with him. Again I would like to do some foreplay and get more comfortable, before going right to sex. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Wouldn't a guy still want to touch and get all he can. I mean he expects us to just go from some kissing to sex? I haven't even seem him without his shirt off. He doesn't even seem to care I am not ready for sex, he seems content just making out. You're coming off as a tease and i feel this is why he is not doing anything with you. You sound quite immature. He does care, this is why he is hesitant. Many people find it difficult and frustrating getting all hot and bothered with foreplay and not being able to have sex from it. You still haven't listened to anything anyone here has said because you repeat the same thing over and over. Maybe you should just give it up and have sex. You'll probably find he will be more receptive to doing things with you then. 1
stillafool Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 So OP are you ready to lose your virginity? If not he sounds like the perfect bf for you.
Happy Lemming Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 Why warm up the sports car if you can't take it out of the garage. 2
Trail Blazer Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 Why warm up the sports car if you can't take it out of the garage. Look out! You just equated priming up the sports car with offering foreplay to a woman. The shock horror! No, on a serious note, why any guy in their right mind would willingly endure the agony of blue balls is beyond me. So, I can only deduce from the issues OP has raised, that even this guy is extremely cautious of that becoming a reality. Women just wouldn't understand. OP, stop being a prude and just **** the guy already! 1
Author Spring1234 Posted July 11, 2019 Author Posted July 11, 2019 Why didn't he just tell me he doesn't want to do anything more than kissing because he knows I'm not ready for sex, so be doesn't want to get too worked up? I feel he should be honest with me at this point. I mean I would understand, just instead of acting like there is nothing to do but sex, or feeling bad he would be the only one getting off, he could just tell me that's why he is holding back. He also didn't even think to ask me to touch him. However, still makes me wonder when would he have asked about sex, if I wasn't talking about him moving too slow, it's not like he brought up sex on his own.
basil67 Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 Spring the above is all assumption. It may be the case and it may be not. You won't know until you talk with him. By the way, does he know that he's your boyfriend? What discussions have you had about when you'll be ready for sex? If you want honest feedback from him, then you have to give it in return.
Author Spring1234 Posted July 12, 2019 Author Posted July 12, 2019 Spring the above is all assumption. It may be the case and it may be not. You won't know until you talk with him. By the way, does he know that he's your boyfriend? What discussions have you had about when you'll be ready for sex? If you want honest feedback from him, then you have to give it in return. He just said do you want to have sex this weekend. We never talked about anything with sex until recently when I started going to his place. He seemed to have only brought it up because on the date before that he asked me if I thought he was moving too slow and I said maybe. He just doesn't seem to care about doing anymore than kissing. Yes, he asked me if it was okay for him to introduce me to his family as his gf, I just replied if that's how you feel. It's hard for me to take him seriously with this relationship since he doesn't text me regularly.
Els Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 (edited) Spring, I really think this relationship has run its course. This is the supposed to be your honeymoon phase. If you're finding his enthusiasm to be lacklustre even now, what's the point? Plus you both sound sexually incompatible anyway. No, on a serious note, why any guy in their right mind would willingly endure the agony of blue balls is beyond me. So, I can only deduce from the issues OP has raised, that even this guy is extremely cautious of that becoming a reality. Women just wouldn't understand. Lol, no. "Blue balls" happens when you get very turned on and don't orgasm. You don't need PIV to orgasm. Women can get the same effect if their clit is engorged with blood flow and arousal for a long time, and then they don't cum. I certainly get it, which is why I would never be with a guy who doesn't value foreplay that brings me to orgasm. https://www.medicaldaily.com/blue-balls-sex-388506 Women may not have testes, but they also experience vasoconstriction in the vulva, uterus, and ovaries during sexual arousal. And if they don’t orgasm, it can lead to similar feelings of heaviness and aching in their genitals, according to the University of California, Santa Barbara (UCSB). I guess you can call this “ blue vulva.” “The same thing happens to females, too,” sex coach Laura Anne Rowell told Medical Daily. “The nerve endings that go from the clitoris around the vulva are all engorged with blood when you’re sexually excited. When women get aroused and it’s not released, you can get extremely sensitive down there.” UCSB notes that when men suffer from blue balls, their testes develop a blueish hue. You see, while oxygen-rich blood is red, blood without oxygen — like that trapped in the testicles — turns blue. Women’s genitals don’t necessarily change color, but the concept is the same. When they don’t “finish,” the extra blood that flows to their clitoris is still there “waiting to be released via contractions in your uterus,” Women’s Health reported. This leads to feelings of congestion and discomfort in women’s vaginas. “When we’re not getting off, a lot of women, unfortunately, have learned to live with it and move on,” Rowell said. “So they may not even realize, or be in tune with their own body, to know that they’re having blue balls, or that they're even having an extra sensitivity down there because they didn’t get off. They may not connect the two.” Edited July 12, 2019 by Elswyth
Maddie82 Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 (edited) He just said do you want to have sex this weekend. We never talked about anything with sex until recently when I started going to his place. He seemed to have only brought it up because on the date before that he asked me if I thought he was moving too slow and I said maybe. He just doesn't seem to care about doing anymore than kissing. Yes, he asked me if it was okay for him to introduce me to his family as his gf, I just replied if that's how you feel. It's hard for me to take him seriously with this relationship since he doesn't text me regularly. You never give him any straight answers either so he's probably just as confused as you. You both need to communicate better. Edited July 12, 2019 by Maddie82 3
stillafool Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 I agree this relationship has run it's course. He asks if he can introduce you as his gf and you answer "if you feel that way", OMG, what do you feel and why didn't you tell him what you felt. I don't know if you're looking for a guy to take your virginity of one who just wants to do everything but sex. Which ever it is you need to be more clear to men what you want and expect. It's hard for a guy to know what a 30 year old virgin wants, you have to tell them. 1
Els Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 I agree this relationship has run it's course. He asks if he can introduce you as his gf and you answer "if you feel that way", OMG, what do you feel and why didn't you tell him what you felt. Yeah, good point. Imagine if you asked someone if you could introduce him as your bf and he said "if you feel that way"...
Trail Blazer Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 That's interesting, Elswyth. Whilst my experience has been that most women require foreplay to reach orgasm, the woman I'm currently having a sexual relationship with does not. I've never had to touch her vagina to make her cum. She seems to cum easily just from PIV. 1
Els Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 Whilst my experience has been that most women require foreplay to reach orgasm, the woman I'm currently having a sexual relationship with does not. I've never had to touch her vagina to make her cum. She seems to cum easily just from PIV. Sure, a few women cum reliably from PIV. 75+%+ do not. Besides, IMO foreplay is lots of fun and the best part about sex. Even if I didn't technically need it to cum, I'd still want it. Lots of it. For a virgin like the OP, lots of foreplay is especially important, not just for orgasm, but so that she doesn't experience painful intercourse.
Happy Lemming Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 He just said do you want to have sex this weekend. Have you discussed birth control?? Condoms?? If your birth control method fails??
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